Spiral
by me-luv-GH
Summary: Everything in life is too good to be true. So is it? What would you do if you were told your life and everything you love was a lie? sucky summary couldn't think of better one
1. Big and Bad?

A/N: Howdy doo peoples! It's rhonda hooray. so this is a story me and my sister are working on together. The plot is hers and I may be the tiniest jealous that she came up with it and not me:( but I'll live. This first chapter is all hers, she didn't want me to touch it. Apparently i'm only good at the "dark dramatic stuff" do you believe her? Anyway this story will take a little longer to update but IT WILL GET FINISHED.

Disclaimer: Neither of us own anything or anyone except what you don't recognize. If you don' t recognize the main people I say : "**how dare you call yourself a gh fan!**"

BreakDown: (and remember the characters involved are due to my loving sister who sees this as too much of a guilty pleasure to actually place by herself under her own name.)

Carly and Sonny are married but she's not pregnant, they just have Michael

Sonny finally accepted journey relationship

And so he doesn't have to be dealt with Ric just plain never came to PC

Never a Jason/Brenda (sorry brazen fans)

**Remember if by now ur already upset cuz of the characters remember NOT ME!**

Ch. 1 Big and Bad?

He looked in through the window of the small diner. There was hardly anyone inside, so he knew she wouldn't be busy. But rather than going in, he opted to just watch for a while. To anyone just passing by he might seem like an obsessed creep instead of a man in love.

He caught a glimpse of her as she headed back into the kitchen. It still amazed him how just the sight of her caused his heart to skip.

'So this is what love feels like.' he thought in awe.

They told him he would never know the feeling, or much of any feeling. But he did. Because of her. And best of all, they didn't' have to walk around on eggshells anymore. Their relationship was out in the open and her brother not only accepted it, he actually gave them his blessing. They were free to publicly display their emotions to whomever happened to be around to see it, to a certain point at least. He could walk in there right now and show her how much he loved her.

He smiled at the best idea that he'd had all day. The bell above the door rang as he walked in. Some of the few people inside turned and stared at him. A look he was used to, he got it all the time. Fear. All part of being the big and bad Jason Morgan.

She turned around and flashed a smile at the man approaching her.

"Hey there. What are you-" he cut her off, covering her mouth with his. She returned the kiss with the same amount of passion. The couple held on to the moment, completely oblivious to the stares they were receiving from the customers. After a minute they broke apart and for the first time since laying eyes on each other, became very aware of their surroundings.

Courtney looked around the diner and back to him, her face getting redder by the second. It wasn't like him to show emotion in public and it caught her off guard. Usually he only kissed her like that when they were alone. It was a nice change.

"What was that for?" she questioned playfully.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." he jokingly pulled away but she would have none of it. She smiled seductively and pulled him closer.

"Are you sure? Maybe you should check again." This time before their lips could meet they were interrupted. Elizabeth came up to the two and cleared her throat loudly.

"Courtney has work to do." she said rudely, before walking back behind the counter. Elizabeth was still bitter when it came to Courtney and Jason's relationship.

"I guess I better get back to work."

"Alright. I just wanted to tell you something."

"What's that?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too." she smiled. It felt great to be able to say the words in public and not have to worry about her over bearing brother screaming at the two of them. "I'll see you at home?"

"I'll be waiting." he gave her a quick kiss and squeezed her hand before letting her get back to her job. "Bye."

The rest of the day went by slowly. Courtney found herself looking at the clock every ten seconds. She just wanted to get out and go home. Their home.

Everything was perfect. Or almost perfect. The only problem was she was still at Kelly's and not in his arms. She let out a sigh and took another look at the ticking clock, she still had a little over an hour before her shift was over. There was no way Elizabeth would agree to cover for her so she could go be with Jason so her only choice was to make it through the remaining minutes of her day.

The clock ticked by in a painful slow motion until it finally released her from the prison. Taking of her apron, she grabbed her purse and practically bounced out of the small restaurant. She took the shortcut through the docks and took in the evening air. Hurrying along with a heedful of daydreams she collided into another body.

"Oh I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching--oh it's you." she stopped when she realized who it was she'd ran over.

"That's all I get? Me? Your best friend in the entire world and I don't get a 'Hi Carly it's great to see you.' I get 'Oh it's you?' I'm touched."

"Sorry Carly. I wasn't watching where I was going. I was.....thinking."

"Thinking, hmm? Thinking about a certain blue eyed hottie who happens to be crazy about you?" She couldn't hide the pride in her voice. She didn't plan on letting anybody live down how right she'd been about the two of them.

"Yes I am." Courtney stated matter of factly. "I'm actually on my way home. Where are you headed?"

"I was going to The Cellar for a few things. I could use a hand if you don't mind. Please? To make up for trying to kill me just now?" She watched her sister-in-law bite her lower lip and could tell that she was desperately anxious to get back to her man. However, she agreed to help. And with good reason, with all the time Carly had spent defending their relationship to her husband.

"I promise it won't take long at all. Five minutes tops!" she nearly laughed grabbing her hand and dragging the younger woman off in the direction of her club. "Lets go."

The women were in the elevator back to their homes. Unlike Carly had promised it had taken quite a while to get everything done. Courtney would have complained to her but there was no point.

"Oh shoot." Carly piped up stillness in the air outside the penthouses. "I think Michael might have left his jacket at your place. Mind if I get it?"

"Alright." she opened the door to let her in and froze in her steps. "Oh my god."

The place was hardly recognizable. Every inch of the floor was covered in rose petals and candles lit up every crevice of the room. It was overwhelmingly beautiful, and she was in a state of shock. Courtney looked back at the woman behind her who held a huge smile across her face.

"I just had to see the look on your face. My work is done." Before she could reply, the older woman shut the door leaving Courtney to admire her environment. She slowly spun in a circle taking it all in.

"You like it?" Hearing his voice, she turned to see Jason, now standing in the middle of the with a single long stemmed rose in his hand.

"Of course. I love it! You did all this?" she asked closing the space between them.

He smiled sheepishly and handed her the flower he'd been admiring.

"Carly was totally in on this wasn't she." she stated realizing that she had been duped. "This is incredible."

"It's not over yet. There an important question I need to ask you."

Jason couldn't help but smile at her as she began to blush completely understanding what he meant. The moment was better then he'd anticipated, less then a year ago he never would have imagined doing this , yet here he was. He took her hands in his and gazed into her deep blue eyes as he spoke.

"You know words aren't' my specialty. Most of the time I say as little as possible, so bear with me on this. I don't know anything about Jason Quartermaine's life or his feelings, and none of that has ever mattered to me. As far as I know, my life only began a few years ago and in my whole life I have loved one person. I have opened up to one person and only let one person touch my soul. That person is you. I fall more in love with you every second of everyday, and it blows my mind when you tell me how lucky you are. When it's really the other way around. I know my life isn't the easiest or the safest or the most acceptable, and I know that it's dangerous to bring you into it. But I'm selfish, and I want you in it with me."

He paused and wiped away the few tears she had rolling down her cheek. Taking a deep breath he bent to one knee and pulled the square box out of his pocket. Opening it he continued.

"So what I'm trying to say is. Will you, knowing all the good and bad of my life, will you still have me? Will you take my name as yours? Courtney Matthews will you marry me?"

By now the tears were cascading down her face and she looked at him lovingly. No matter what he said she would always be the lucky one. Before she could answer they heard a voice through the wood of the door.

"Just say yes I'm dying out here!" Carly exclaimed. She laughed through her tears and finally managed to speak.

"Yes. I'd love to marry you." Both their smiles grew wider as he slipped the ring on her finger and wrapped her up in his arms.

"Can I come in now?"

"Yes. Come in Carly." the dirty blonde swooped into the penthouse grabbing both of her friends in a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you guys. Oh my god you know what this means? I get to plan a wedding! It'll be so much fun."

"Slow down Carly. We haven't even told Sonny yet." Courtney reminded her.

"Actually he knew I planned on proposing tonight. I asked for his blessing." the only man in the room admitted.

"Mr. Morgan. You did that for me." she giggled.

"Yes I did, soon- to-be Mrs. Morgan." He loved the way sounded and thought it suited her perfectly.

"Alright, I'll leave you to alone to celebrate. Congrats!"

Once Carly left, Jason scooped up his fiancé in his arms and began to ascend the stairs.

"Wait. Wait. Who's going to clean all this up?" Courtney questioned. He set her on the couch while he zipped around the room putting out all the candles. The he proceeded to the door and called out across the hall to the guard.

"Marco. Have some cleaners come by tomorrow afternoon."

"Yes sir." With that taken care of he returned to where he'd left Courtney on the couch admiring the rose he'd given her earlier.

"Where were we?" he asked as he began to cover her neck with soft kisses.

"Well, I think we were on our way to celebrate our engagement. Am I right?"

"Yes, ma'am." Their lips met for an intimate embrace that was intended to be just enough to entice them into getting to bed. It started out soft and soon became full of fiery passion as they ached for each other. Feeling the hunger that could only be filled when two puzzle pieces came to fit together perfectly.

The goal of making it upstairs forgotten, the couple melted into each other. He laid her back on the couch and stripped his shirt over his head, throwing it carelessly to the ground. Indulging himself in her kisses once more, he could feel her hands running over the muscles in his back.

Their kisses continued to grow in intensity and Courtney could literally feel her breath being taken away. They pulled apart momentarily to catch a breath, their forehead laying against the others. She found herself speaking in between breaths.

"Jason?"

"Yes."

"I can't wait to marry you."

A/N: HOLY LORD that was a long chapter huh? Yeah I know my sister (she doesn't want me to say her actual name so I'll call her "betty") doesn't know when to stop and emailed me this whole thing and made me swear to keep it all one chapter so once again if you have a problem with the length or something NOT RHONDA!


	2. Good Mornings

A/N: Me and "betty" are seriously thanking all u guyz for your reviews. I'm glad you're willing to put up with us...meaning me because she won't be doing any of the lovely rambling i do before and/or after each chapter.

**Ch. 2 Good Mornings **

The morning came and the smell of breakfast filled the penthouse. The dark haired man exited the kitchen to find his son playing with his newest video game. Though he didn't like the boy spending all his time with such games he couldn't bear to deny him anything for long.

"Hey buddy, you ready for breakfast?"

"Can I have chocolate milk?"

"Regular milk. Despite what your mom thinks you shouldn't have chocolate with breakfast."

"Ok, regular milk is fine." the red head surrendered and went into the dining room. Sonny smiled after him then felt a pair of hands cover his eyes.

"Guess who?" his said in a sneaky voice.

"Max, I told you to stop doing that." He laughed and spun around to meet her with a kiss.

"I hope that's not the kind of thing you and Max do when I'm not around." she joked pulling from the kiss. He gave her one of the trademark smiles that melted her heart.

"What are you doing today?"

"Well, there's a wedding to plan. I have to get the bride-to-be and we need to make the arrangements." she answered excited.

"Carly, is there even a date yet?" But he knew it was useless. When she put her mind to something nothing and nobody would get in her way.

"All the more reason to start on the details. Makes it easier when you don't have the stress of a deadline." Carly explained and started to walk out the door.

"Wait. You're going now?"

"Why not?"

"Well they did just get engaged last night maybe we should give them sometime alone to...uh...celebrate." he showed the slightest tint of red at the thought of his baby sister and best friend...he couldn't even think about it.

"Come on, there will be plenty of time for that later."

Not giving him another chance to object, she exited the room.

* * *

"Good morning." Jason greeted his fiancee. He loved being able to call her that. Soon he would be able to go a step further and call her his wife. But it wouldn't be soon enough for him.

"Sure is." she kissed his bare chest and glanced around the room. "It was a pretty good night too. Maybe next time we'll make it to the bedroom."

He chuckled and took a look around. They were laying on the couch with their clothes strewn carelessly about. Add to that the fact that the flower petals were still everywhere, the penthouse was left a mess in result to their passions.

All that made an attempt to cover the two was a thin blanket that had been removed from its home on the back of the leather couch.

"Do you think we got a little carried away?" she asked suppressing giggles. He simply shrugged his shoulders.

"What a husband and wife do in their home is their own business."

"Husband and wife." she repeated happily. "I love that. I love you." She brought her lips to meet his.

The kisses grew in passion and they both knew they were heading down the same road as the night before.

"Jason....maybe...we...should stop." she spoke between kisses.

"Why?"

"I have to go to work soon. Plus what if someone-" he cut her off with a long kiss that pulled the breath from her lungs. Pulling apart he gazed at her.

"What were you saying?"

"I don't remember. It wasn't important."

He smiled at the success of his actions and they began to sink back into the leather of the sofa and the ecstasy of one another.

"Hey guys I -oh my god!"

The two broke apart instnatly, and the woman who had barged in turned her head away blushing.

"Carly!" Jason nearly shouted. "Don't you ever knock?"

"Don't you ever lock your door? God if you were going to-Where anyone could walk in-What if Michael had-" She couldn't seem to find a way to finish any of her sentences.

Both the women in the room were becomming redder Jason quietly thanked god that his pants were nearby. Being able to put them on without getting out from under the blanket was a blessing. He hopped to his feet and stepped to meet the intruder.

"I'm so sorry. I'm just going to..."

"Go." Jason finished for her, and began to her out of the penthouse by her arm.

"Ok. I'm going. I'm really sorry." she turned to the quickly reddening blonde on the couch trying to speak to her while Jason dragged her away. "Don't think you're off the hook. We've got a wedding to-ow Jason- a wedding to plan and-"

"Bye Carly." She teased and waved to her sister-in-law as she was practically thrown out into the hallway.

Once the door was closed, Courtney couldn't hold back her laughter any longer and let it out.

* * *

Out in the hallway, she heard the click of the lock and laughed to herself.

'Whoops. I guess Sonny was right.' She thought half with embarassment and half with laughter.

As if on cue her husband appeared, sticking his head out in the hallway. She caught the look he was giving her, it was the same she'd given him many times. The 'I told you so' look. Before he could open his mouth she pointed her finger at him.

* * *

"Not a word." she warned and walked past him into their home.

"Where were we?" He leaned over her to begin again and she manuevered herself out from under his kiss. "Where are you going?"

"To take a shower." she headed up the stairs and turned to talk to him again. "It's a good Carly came when she did. Otherwise I might never get to work."

When she disappeared upstairs, Jason flopped onto the couch in defeat.

"These women are gonna drive me crazy."

* * *

He walked her to Kelly's, though she said she didn't need it, she'd finally let him when he explained that he was going because he wanted and he would whether she liked it or not.

"Alright, I will see you later. Why don't you come by for lunch?"

"I'll be there." he raised her left hand to his lips and kissed the ring he place on her finger the night before. "Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

The day went by relatively quick and sooner then he knew Jason was on his way to lunch. On the way his mind wandered to all things they could look forward to. A wedding. A marriage. Eventually even a family. He found himself hoping their children would have her eyes. Caught up in the daydream he felt someone collide into his hard chest and fall tot he ground.

"I'm sorry are you ok?" he asked as he helped her to her feet.

"I'm fine. I don't remember you being much of a daydreamer." she laughed.

"I'm sorry do I -" He started to ask when he stopped himself and realized who he was speaking to. "Robin?"

"Hi." she gave him a small wave.

"What are you doing here? How long have you been back?"

"I just got back........and I need your help."

A/N: Uh-oh, somethin's a-stirrin. what could it be?


	3. Unpleasant Scene

**A/N: **Whoa! My house was a freaking mad house today...Chiefs **destroyed** the Falcons. 56-10! My apologies to any falcon fans that may be reading this. A lot of people have sent me reviews saying things like "Bad Robin" I throw my hands up and remind you. I didn't come up with the characters! Still luv me? good cuz I was worried for a second. Anyhoo.....

Disclaimer: not mine...yet

**Ch. 3 Unpleasant Scene**

This was her life. It was what the rest of their life together would be like. He would be God knows where doing God knows what, and she would sit and wait. Wait and pray that he would always make his way back. It was needless to say she was disappointed when he called to cancel lunch.

"Something's come up." he'd said. Things always came up. His work had a habit of coming up at the worst times. Would she be able to live with that? Of course. Anything they faced would be worth it.

'He didn't say anything about not being home though.' Courtney thought unhappily recalling entering the empty penthouse.

"I'll just have him make it up to me later." she said aloud

Determined to set her mind on happier things, she decided going for a walk would give him time to get back

* * *

He was looking at her with his beautifully blue eyes. Showing a mixture of anger and sympathy. When she first began to tell him the story, she wasn't sure she could do it. But anytime she looked into his gorgeous gaze, Robin knew she could do anything.

"We'll find him don't worry." he promised.

She shifted her weight uncomfortably and debated whether It would be too forward to reach out and touch him. Not able to resist, she put her arms around him and let out a breath she'd been holding when she felt him awkwardly return it. It was clear he was truly emotional about the subject, as she knew he would be.

"I'm just scared, Jason." she spoke from the embrace.

Feeling his muscles tense up, Robin could tell she was pushing all the right buttons. How could she not? She had done her research. She knew that it was how he'd got involved with this Courtney person. Her only worry was if he would think it all too convenient. Her showing up out of no where, begging for help from a stalker.

Thankfully he believed her. Most likely because it was a touchy subject. But if it was what had to be done, she'd do it. She would do anything. This time when she got him, she wasn't letting go. No matter what.

"Oh my God!" a voice shouted. They both turned to see a very unhappy Caroline Corinthos, fuming at the sight before her. "What the hell is going on?"

She stepped down the stairs of the docks and positioned herself between the two. Looking from one to the other her angry glare settled on the woman to her left.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Nice to see you too, Carly." Robin answered.

"Nice isn't the word I was thinking of. Jason? Would you mind explaining what I just saw?"

"It was nothing Carly. Robin just needs my help with something that's all." the young man replied.

"That's all? She needs your help? With what, her touchy feely skills?"

"It was just a hug. And I hugged him, Jason was just being a friend." the brunette defended.

"I assumed you insinuated it. But that's not the point. Jason what would have happened if it had been your fiancé that saw you hugging your backstabbing ex?"

"Fiancé?" Robin asked in mock surprise. They didn't need to know that she had seen the whole exchange at Kelly's earlier that day.

"Yes, Jason is engaged and In love. So don't think you're getting your claws into him." Carly warned.

"Alright. If you're done Carly, I'm taking you home." Jason offered trying to stop all hell from breaking loose.

"Yes. Let's go home. I'm sure Courtney's dying to see you." she couldn't help but rub it in her face that he was totally over her and in love with someone else.

"If anything happens call me." he told her.

The two left the woman alone to her thoughts. About what she once had, and would again.

**A/N: **Naughty. Naughty. Robin, shame on you!


	4. Proof

**A/N:** Wow, been a while huh? Do you even remember this? Anyway, I've been working and schooling and all sorts of the usual stuff. Hopefully I won't take this long for every chapter. Adieu...

**Ch 4 Proof**

Jason was having trouble getting his head around it. The situation was definitely close to his home and heart. Stalker. Just saying the word made his mouth feel filthy. What kind of person does such things. Oh right, his brother for one.

He crossed the threshold of their penthouse and immediately knew Courtney wasn't at home. The place didn't have the warmth it did when she was there. Maybe it was for the best. Eventually, Carly would tell her about Robin and he would explain.

Nothing brings down a moment of happiness like his work, and this would definitely accomplish that. He ran a hand through his spiked hair and took a look at the time. It was getting late and he wondered where his fiancé was.

'What if Carly was right, and she did see me with Robin? She probably turned and ran.' the thought sent a shock through his body and he bolted from his sitting position on the couch. If that was what happened, he needed to find Courtney and explain right away.

He had been searching everyplace he thought she might go if she was hurt or angry and found nothing. After a while he decided to take the chance that she had returned home while he was out, and back. But to no luck the penthouse was exactly the same as it was when he left, with one exception. On the floor in front of the door, he found a small envelope with his name on it.

Slowly, he opened it and began to read.

_Jason,_

_I hate to do this to you, But you should know and I don't think I could handle telling you to your face because I know I'm hurting you. Today I ended up thinking, and I know I said I could handle it, but I don't think I could spend my life as second priority. And I always will be, as long as you work for Sonny. I'm leaving. Please don't look for me, just be happy._

_Courtney_

Jason felt his heart fall past his knees, anger and pain filled his every breath.

'How could so much change in so little time?' he wondered. ' We were so happy just hours ago.'

Opening the drawers of the desk he searched through the papers and notes. Calmly at first, but as the moments past, he became angrier and began ripping out each drawer one after the other. Once they were all out, he went about the apartment searching through every paper they had in their home.

Why didn't he have a single note from her? He didn't want to believe it was her until he could compare the handwriting. Which he would be able to do if he wasn't the one who was always running off and leaving messages. His veins surged with rage and before he could control himself he began throwing everything he saw, completely wrecking the small living space.

The angry man stopped to see the damage he'd done before leaning against the wall near the door and sinking down. From his place on the hard ground he found it. Proof. The determining factor that proved it to be true. He picked up the engagement ring from the floor and held it in his open palm.

It was real. She'd really left. He was alone.

* * *

The light streamed across her face. Slowly, one of her eyes slid open. It felt like she'd been asleep for hours but she didn't remember going to bed or even going home. Taking in the feel of the springy mattress and crisp sheets, she quickly came to the conclusion that she wasn't in her bed. The realization woke her up completely, and she took in everything around her. Her clothes were different, she looked at the loose fitting pants and shirt in confusion.

The small room had painfully white walls, and no sort of window except for a small square one on the door. It wasn't a place she remembered being before, certainly not one she'd ever want to be.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked the empty confinement, trying to swallow the panic rising in her throat.

Courtney ran a shaking hand through blonde locks and turned completely around at the sound of the door opening.

**A/N: **hmm.. Let me guess what you're thinking. "OH GREAT, ANOTHER COURTNEY GETS KIDNAPPED STORY" but fear not this one is not what you think it is. So you can continue reading to see what's what, or you can say "BOO" and never read it again. However there is a third option, and it involves.....murder. (sinister music plays) wait...what? Forget that last part, K?


	5. Killers Don't Deserve Love

**A/N:** HIP-HIP Hooray! Don't be mad, I warned that this would take longer to update...so there! Actually, I've been trying to update but I'm getting caught up with working on the chapters that are coming and me and "betty" are making them faster then I can upload them. Which reminds me, from the looks of how they are coming, it's not gonna be no short story, so it'll either be one long story or we'll break it into parts. I don't know. anyways...this ones a little long

**Disclaimer:** penniless and ownin nothing....

**Ch. 5 Killers Don't Deserve Love**

The door opened and a man she didn't recognize entered. He looked about her fathers age and wore his graying hair cut short. He also wore, she noticed, a white jacket with a photo ID clipped on the breast pocket.

"Hello. How are we feeling today?" he asked with a smile.

"What the hell is going on? Where am I? Who the hell are you?" The smile on his face faded away and he became serious.

"This again? Courtney-" he began only to be cut off by her angry voice.

"What's that supposed to mean? 'This again?' Why are you talking to me like you know me?"

"Because I do. We've known each other for sometime. I've been your doctor since you've been here." he explained.

"Doctor?" She began to back away from the man, mostly to stop herself from punching him square in the face. " For the whole, what few hours I've been here? Why would I need a doctor anyway? Never mind, I don't. I'm fine, so just let me out of here. NOW!"

"Alright. I'll go over everything slowly, just stay calm. Can you do that?"

His tone was making her angrier by the second. He was speaking to her like she was a child. How dare he. She opened her mouth to protest but he held up his hand and continued.

"I'm Dr. Price. You call me Chris."

"You mean I _can_ call you Chris."

"Not at all. That's what you do call me. You've preferred first name basis since you've been here."

Courtney eyed the now silent man. He looked like he didn't know how to continue with what he was going to say.

"How long is that?"

"Two years."

* * *

The sun rose and the rays screamed through the window into the trashed penthouse. He hadn't moved from his spot on the floor. He didn't feel the hardness of the wooden floor, nor the stiff wall at his back.

Unfortunately he could feel his heart. Every beat felt like a thousand knives plunging into him. It was taunting him. For being foolish enough to think he could be happy. Spend a life with someone who could or would accept him. A life filled with love.

'Love.' he scoffed at the thought. Love was his cancer. it ate him up and he just wanted it to stop. He knew that he would spend the rest of his life loving her and it would destroy him. Because she couldn't love him. Couldn't even stay in the same room as him, not even long enough to say goodbye. It was his punishment. His own life sentence.

'Killers don't deserve love.' his mind pointed out.

A knock at the door caught his attention, but he didn't move. Whoever it was would either come back or barge in anyway. Sure enough, the door opened and Carly walked in with her hand over her eyes.

"OK, I knocked this time, so you guys had fair warning." she laughed. " Alright, beware I'm opening my eyes."

Not moving from his spot, Jason watched her demeanor change as she took in the damage that used to be a penthouse.

"What in the-Jason." her eyes landed on her best friend. "What happened in here? What are you doing on the floor?"

He didn't answer her and it was scary. This was the person who was always strong and was always her rock. Now he seemed like just that. A rock; an inanimate object. She put her hands on his shoulders and knelt down to look him in the eyes.

"Jason, please talk to me what's wrong?" he still didn't acknowledge her and she was getting extremely worried. "Fine, where's Courtney? She'll tell me what's going on here."

"Courtney's not here." hearing her name out loud snapped him back into focus.

"She at work? No wait, I don't think Kelly's is open yet. You know what? I bet she's just getting a head start on planning the wedding, I know for a fact she's real anxious to be Mrs. Morgan. I'll find her"

"There isn't going to be a wedding." he spoke in a monotone voice.

"What are you talking about?" without getting up he handed her the note and she began to read. "This isn't right, there has to be some mistake or misunderstanding or-or something." she found herself stumbling over her words.

"It's for real." he was now standing and he put the small object he'd been holding in his hand on the desk next to her.

"Is that?"

"The ring. The one I put on her finger last night." he answered and Carly just began shaking her head fiercely side to side.

"No. No. Something is not right. There's something else going on-"

"NO!" he cut her off. "It's all right there, ok. You see? She's gone. She left, and told me not to follow her. So that's what I'm going to do. She doesn't need to be stuck in this life when she still has a chance to get out. I'll let her have the life she deserves. Period." he shouted trying to get through to her.

"But you love her. And I know she loves you."

"Love."

"Yes, love. Courtney loves you Jason. There has to be a misunderstanding or extenuating circumstances. Go find her and bring her back. You guys will get married and have a life full of happiness and love." she shouted back at him tears threatening to fall.

"Killers don't deserve love." he screamed, surprising her with the anger in his voice. "And they don't get it."

He stormed out of the room slamming the door hard enough to break it on the way out. Carly was left standing in the wrecked penthouse in disbelief. What happened? She knew it couldn't be as cut and dry as he believed, something had to be going on.

* * *

Courtney practically jumped away from the man in front of her.

"Two years?" she shouted. "What kind of games are you playing? You know damn well I haven't been here two days, let alone two years!"

"Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Whatever you're doing, stop it right now or you're going to be sorry. Do you have any idea who my brother is? Or my fiancé? They can bury you and they will for doing this. Now let me out!"

"You don't have a brother, Courtney. And you don't have a fiancé." he stated straight out.

"What? Yes, I do. I can prove..." her words fell from her mouth when she raised her hand and saw her naked fingers. "Where the hell's my ring?"

"You didn't have a ring."

"Shut up. Yes I did! The ring Jason gave me yesterday. The ring I had on all day. The ring I had on when I left the penthouse." she thought back to the night before.

She had been upset because Jason cancelled lunch and wasn't home when she got there. So she went for a walk. To the park.

"The park." she said aloud.

"The park?" he repeated confused.

"I was walking through the park and the next thing I know I wake up here. That's where you got me! You took me from the park!"

"Nobody took you, or kidnapped you last night or any other night. You've been here."

"Stop saying that! I was in Atlantic City two years ago! Then I came to Port Charles. That's where I've been. I have not been in this....place. What the hell is this place anyway?"

"Belvedere Mental Hospital."

By now Courtney was clenching her fists and about an inch away from smacking this so-called doctor in front of her.

"So you want me to believe, that I've been in a mental hospital for two years?" he nodded. "Ok. I'll bite. What's wrong with me?"

He sat on the bed and she stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest.

"A type of post traumatic disorder. As a result of seeing the accident that killed your parents."

"My parents are not dead! Well, sure I thought my dad was for some time. But that's not important because he's not, and they're not! They're both alive!"

"Just let me finish. You've made these alternate realities for yourself. Example being, your parents being alive, or finding out you have a brother."

"I DO HAVE A BROTHER!" she seethed.

"No, I'm sorry you don't. Which I believe is what made you're parents death push you over the edge. You've spent time in these fantasies you make, completely oblivious to the real world. When you come out, we'd have many conversations similar to this. You'd make great progress and each time I believe that you're ready to begin a healing process but something always seems to trigger a return and we end up here."

She began to pace the floor in front of him. It was a lie. It had to be, she couldn't believe that everything that had happened in the past years was fake. She stopped for a moment and Chris came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I know it's a lot to take in. But you've got past this place before and I know you can again. This time it will be for good."

"You're right. I can get past this."

She turned around and pushed him hard enough that he fell, and made a run for the door. Twisting the knob she entered a hallway and quickly full of doors similar to hers. Quickly she picked a direction and took off.

**A/N: **ok, this chap stared out "betty" but from the Jason thing on was me! oh plees hold you applause..lol. anyway like I said this story is probably going to be long. so should I let it be one story or break it into pieces?


	6. Barriers

**A/N: **Alright, I'm putting this up right after the last one so I don't know anyone's response to what's happening yet, but anyway, here's the next one . Hmm..this is odd, I'm putting up a chapter and I don't have anything witty to say…kinda makes me sad. Oh well!

**Ch. 6 Barriers**

"Let go of me! Let me go Damn it!" her demands fell on deaf ears as the two orderlies dragged Courtney back to the room she'd just exited. If it were just one, she was sure she'd be able to take him. But she was struggling against not one, but two men and it was useless.

She saw that doctor again. Price-that was his name. He stepped aside out of the way while they brought her kicking and screaming into the room. Once inside they finally put her down, dropping her on the bed and quickly striding out of the room. Courtney got up and ran after them in time to have the door close in her face. The lock clicked and she stared out the small window into Price's wrinkled face.

"I'll be back in a few moments with your medication." his voice came, slightly muffled.

"I don't need medicine!" she shouted at the glass. "Let me out! I'm not crazy! There's nothing wrong with me!"

Her anger grew when he walked away as if he hadn't heard a word she said. Unable to control her emotion, she began to pound furiously on the door.

"I'm not crazy!" she repeated. "Let me out of here!"

She continued to violently band on the barrier, taking all of the rage she felt out on it until her energy was drained from her body. Leaning against the door, she sank to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. This couldn't be happening. She didn't belong in this place. It didn't matter though, because she wouldn't be there much longer.

Courtney looked down at her bare left hand. Whatever was really going on, it would be alright. He would find her.

* * *

"Carly calm down." the man told her.

"No, Sonny! Something isn't right with this. Don't you see? She wouldn't just leave."

"Says who? If she wants a life away from here, away from the danger, then we should wish her luck and let her be."

"Without a goodbye? And what about clothes?"

"Clothes?" he repeated in a confused tone.

"She didn't take any of her clothes or anything."

"Fresh start. Leave everything behind and start over." he dismissed.

"Sonny Corinthos you're impossible. Not to mention cold. You don't care that you're sister "left" without so much as a good bye and you're best friend is in pain." she turned to leave.

"Carly-" he was cut off by the slam of the front door.

Finally by himself, he went over everything that had happened. Despite what his wife seemed to think, he did care. It had taken him a while to accept the Jason and Courtney were together but now that he had opened his eyes, he thought they could all make strides towards becoming one big family.

But she didn't want to be in their life anymore. Why was he surprised? How many people had he scared away because of his life? Now he'd done it to a sister he didn't even get the chance to know. At least it meant she could get away before she was hurt by it.

'What about Jason?' a voice in his head asked. As much as he'd refused to see it at first, the two were genuinely in love. They had just gotten engaged. So what had happened between them and now? Was Carly right? Was there more to it?

'Stop it Sonny.' he told himself. 'You just want it to be something else so you can fix it and you can all be a happy family.'

He did wish that he was as cold and unfeeling about it as he appeared. But he would get over it, or attempt to. Jason on the other hand, he knew was a different story.

* * *

Jason sat on the bench and waited. He was supposed to meet Robin and go over the latest on this that's been stalking her. Stalker. The word brought up memories he didn't want to think about.

While he was waiting, he spotted a couple walk by laughing hand in hand. They seemed happy. He wondered what it would be like. To be able to have a normal life. No guns or middle of the night phone calls. No more Jason the enforcer or Jason the martyr, putting everyone's happiness before his own.

He closed his eyes and erased the image from his mind's eye. There was no point in thinking like that. It wasn't going to happen so he should just get over it.

"Where's your girlfriend?" an annoying voice asked. He didn't look up, he knew who it was..

"Can I help you with something Elizabeth?"

"If she's not going to show up for her shift, she could at least call. I have my own life and I don't need to waste it working for her."

Jason didn't answer her, he didn't want to. He hadn't thought about how many people would be affected. How many people would wonder where she was. How many times he'd have to say she left him.

"Earth to Jason." he blinked back into focus at the brunette in front of him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." She looked at him, trying to read his face. For an split second she thought she saw a flicker of pain cross his face before it returned to the usual empty stare.

"Oh my god." she put her hand to her mouth to cover the smile that crept across. " She left didn't she?"

Elizabeth took his silence as an answer and did her best to hide the happiness in her voice.

"I'm so sorry. I know you cared, she broke your heart. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." it came out bitter and harsh but she didn't care. She continued to push.

"She didn't deserve you, you know. I said it from the start that she wasn't for you. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No I don't want to talk about it. I have business to take care of." he answered trying to get her to leave him alone.

"Should you be working? Maybe you should talk to Sonny, take some time off to…." her voice trailed off and she stared at the figure coming their way. "Did you know she was back?" she whispered.

He turned his head and turned back around sighing slightly.

"What took you so long?" he asked not looking back at her.

"Sorry, I just got caught up in something." Robin answered. Elizabeth looked from him to her, then back to Jason.

"Business? Sure. When you want to talk, come find me." she left the two alone.

"Did you find anything?" she quizzed.

"The trace showed that the call came from a payphone. So we can't know who made it." he answered.

"I guess I could stop answering the phone. That should be an interesting challenge." she joked. Obviously he was not in a joke mood, because he continued as if she hadn't said a thing.

"I'm going to put a guard on you and your place. Where are you staying?"

"Port Charles Hotel."

"Alright, I'll assign you a bodyguard and go over everything with Sonny. I'll give you a call."

"Great."

She got up and left. It was going slowly but surely. She was well on her way to getting everything she wanted.


	7. On Parade

**A/N:** YAY! I have free time so I'm using it to graciously update my story. I have to say that every time Jason is on screen I end up changing the channel cuz I know he'll either be joined by sam or somehow work her into the conversation when it has nothing to do with her. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Sorry to any jasam fans, but I HATE THEM!

**CH. 7 On Parade**

The elevator crept up the building carrying its passenger to her destination. Carly felt in desperate need of a long hot bath. She was completely stressed and had hoped to get some work done at the club but it had been useless. No matter what she tried to focus on, the same question kept sneaking back into her head. Why?

Why would someone just leave without a word to anyone and not even pack their things?

She was sure that something else had to be going on. So she had gone to see Mike. The old man told her he hadn't seen his daughter since he went to Kelly's a few days ago. Bobbie assured her that she hadn't quit, just simply didn't show up. It didn't make any sense to her. There had to be something. Or was she grasping at straws? The bell rang pulling her from her train of thought and the doors slid open.

'At least I'm home and I can relax.' she thought opening the door to her home. She was surprised to find Jason sitting on her couch.

"Hey Jason. Waiting for Sonny?"

"Yeah, do you know when he'll be back?"

"No, sorry. Don't worry I know, "business." Not going to ask." she said and took a place next to him.

"Thanks."

"Are you ok?" he sighed at the question and gave her one of his blank expressions he'd perfected over the years.

"Fine."

"You're lying. Talk to me." she knew she was being her usual pushy self. But she also knew he was keeping everything in.

"When Sonny comes, tell him I need to talk to him." he got up and went to let himself out.

"Jase, wait." the door closed and she was left alone.

Rubbing her temples, she let out an exasperated moan. She thanked God that Michael was at a friends house. There was too much stress in life right now, all she needed now was quiet. Carly heard a voice in the hall and tensed up. Carly knew who it was and what she wanted.

"Nice while it lasted." she said aloud to herself, referring to the silence.

She opened the door and glared into the hallway to see Johnny blocking the brunettes path to the door.

"I'm sorry miss, but Mr. Morgan has asked not to be bothered except if it were Mr. Corinthos."

"He'll want to see me." she whined

Carly stepped out into the hall and slammed the door shut catching their attention before saying her piece.

"Jason doesn't want to see you. Leave." she demanded.

"I just came to see how he was doing." Elizabeth replied an innocent smile spread across her face.

"Jason's fine. Why wouldn't he be?" she lied. Her family's wasn't Elizabeth's or anyone else's business.

"I'd assume you'd be one of the first to comfort him after finding out the little tramp broke his heart."

"First of all, you won't talk about Courtney or anyone else I care about like that if you like your teeth where they are." she threatened stepping closer to her. "Second, do you actually think he's gong to run to you? You're crazier than I thought."

Elizabeth looked at her defiantly and crossed her arms.

"I'm not going anywhere until I see Jason."

"Oh I think you are." Carly grabbed the smaller woman's arm and dragged her to the elevator. As she was about to slam her palm on the button, it opened. "Good God! What is this, mistakes on parade?"

"You're one to talk." Elizabeth said to Carly.

Robin ignored Carly's comment and walked past the two women.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I need to talk to Jason." she answered. The blonde let go of her grip on the woman at her side and faced the newest pain in her neck.

"That's original. I haven't heard that one today." she said indicating Liz.

Before long all three were in a shouting match. Johnny gave up on trying to interject and just observed the situation. The argument continued to intensify and their voices grew louder.

None of the women noticed when the object of their discussion opened his own door. A quick look at the guard who just shrugged his shoulders and Jason felt a headache coming on.

"Jason." they said in unison.

"Good. Can you please tell these to nut jobs to buzz off?" Carly asked. "Hey! What are you doing?"

She squealed as he put her over his shoulder and carried her to her penthouse. He dropped her on the couch and pointed his finger at her.

"Stay here."

The he returned to the remain two woman and for a moment he looked between the two. Before either could say a word he grabbed Robin's wrist and lead her to PH2, giving Johnny an order before closing the door.

"Take Elizabeth home please." After getting a nod he closed the door leaving Liz huffing and puffing in the hallway.

* * *

Inside his penthouse, Jason rubbed his eyes then looked at his guest. 

"Something happen?"

"The guard. I heard a noise outside the door and when I opened it, he was knocked out. I ran here. I didn't check to see if he was breathing, I hope he's ok."

"I'll send someone to check on him. Did you see anyone?" she shook her head and sat down on his couch.

"I just hate being afraid." she whispered.

"Alright. Everything will be fine."

"Do you think I can stay here for a while? I feel safe here."

Jason sat silent for a few moments. Did he really want her staying there? Could he deal with it? Having another woman in their home?

'Stop thinking about that!' his brain ordered. It wasn't their home anymore. Hell, it wasn't even his home, really. Just a place to come at the end of the day. The only reason it ever felt like a home was…

"Jason?"

She wanted an answer. He had the extra room, and she needed protection. He struggled to get the words out, as if they would physically hurt him.

"Yeah. You can stay."


	8. Meetings

**A/N:** December 15 was "betty's" birthday! the big 2-0! so we had a party for her and it convinced me even more that she'll never grow up. However old we get we're both gonna be the same losers that we are now. Not that there's anything wrong with being a loser, seeing as I openly admit, embrace and love the loser that is me. If you accept you're a loser or whatever it just means you don't have to worry about trashing your reputation...hmm...wow...deep thoughts. maybe not, anyway. here you go.

**Ch. 8 Meeting**

The place was empty when she got up and she'd found a note from Jason saying he would be out for a while. So Robin decided to have a look around. It had been so long since she'd been there. She saw some framed pictures around. One of Michael, Carly, and Sonny and one of his sister and his grandmother. It was a cozy little home. But there was an odd feeling when he was there, anyone could sense the tension that surrounded him. It was like he was uncomfortable in his own home. There was a reason. Because he'd shared it with her. It was then that Robin realized that she hadn't seen any pictures of her anywhere.

'That's a good sign. I guess.' she thought. 'I mean how in love with someone can you be if you don't even have any pictures of them?'

The ring of her phone cut into her thoughts.

"Hello?" she answered. "Where are you calling from? Because the calls are being traced. Because I'm supposed to be being stalked. Nice job with the guard yesterday. No, of course I knew you would take care of it. Meet? is that a good idea-....ok. Bye."

Robin hung up the phone and took a quick look around. She didn't want to, but she had to meet with him. She poked her head out and saw that there weren't any guards in the hall at the moment. Robin took the chance and went to the stairwell, not wanting to get caught waiting for the elevator. She climbed down the steps hoping to be back before Jason.

* * *

"What took you so long?" he questioned angrily.

"I wanted to make sure that none of the guards saw me." the brunette answered.

"Alright, where do you stand with Morgan?"

"I'm staying at his place. The stalker story worked, you were right."

"Of course. But now its time for the next step." he handed her the small object, which she quickly put inside her jacket pocket.

"I still can't believe I'm doing this. Or that I'm helping you."

"We're helping each other. Don't forget that you're getting what you want from all this, too. Though it would save a lot of money and resources if we'd done it my way."

"No." she said quickly. "I told you already. I wouldn't be....I'm not comfortable with murder. Even if I'm not the one doing it." the man before her let out a chuckle and looked at her amusingly.

"But making someone think their life is a lie you're fine with?"

* * *

"Damn." he whispered to himself pulling the bloody paper towel out from under his nose.

Though she may not look like it, the girl could definitely handle herself. Price realized it only after he'd been on the receiving end of good hit. He made a mental note not to underestimate her. It had definitely been a task to medicate the blonde. Of course he would prefer not to, but he couldn't just let her bang and scream all day without doing anything about it if he wanted people to believe she was an actual patient. Actually, if it were up to him he would just let her go and forget he ever agreed to such a thing.

"Dr. Price, you have a call." the secretary told him, and he thanked her before picking up the phone.

"This is Price." he answered, hearing a voice on the other end that he would rather not.

"Doctor, how is our patient today?"

**A/N: ** I'm kinda iffy on this one, but "betty" insisted that it's important to the story and she's right plus I don't like cuz its shorter than they usually are, but she just had a birthday so I'll let her get away with it. anywhoo, sorry about the delay but I'm back (enter applause here). and I solemnly swear to not flunk anymore chem. finals. tee hee inside joke I'm not taking anymore science classes. EVER!


	9. Restless Sleep

**A/N: **Hooray for the return of the computer….I had ch 8 all typed up before I got my net taken away from me (darn chemistry) so this will be the a/n where I beat myself up for being stupid and pathetically ask for forgiveness. Here it goes….Rhonda! Shame on you! No dessert for a week! Well, now that I've taken my beating and accepted my punishment ( I like dessert) I ask for forgiveness and continue with the story.

Disclaimer: sadly in my absence I have not found the means to acquire GH.

**Ch. 9 Restless Sleep**

She was in darkness. It was impossible to see where, if anywhere, she was. All she knew was the darkness. All around there was nothing; emptiness. It shook her to her core. She tried to scream out but no sound escaped.

'What's going on?' the voice in her head seemed to be the only sound to be heard. She could not remember ever being so shaken. Out of nowhere, another sound came from the shadows, as it did a faint light appeared also.

"Courtney?"

It was his, she knew he would find her. She attempted to call out to him but as before, nothing happened. As he continued to call her name the light grew and in seconds he was in front of her. Bathed in light, he looked like an angel; especially when his mouth formed a heart melting smile. The fact that he did it so rarely made the times when he did that much better.

"There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you."

'Say something! Come on.' she thought angrily at herself.

Instead she reached her hand out to touch his sculpted face. Her fingertips brushed against the warmth of his cheek when he reached up and grabbed her hand.

"Where's your ring?" he asked looking at her hand. " You don't want to marry me?"

Her mouth fell open at the thought. How could she not want to marry him?

"Answer me!" he shouted, his features grew angrier at her silence. "Fine. If that's the way you want it to be, fine."

He released her hand and turned his back on her. She reached out again, tears falling, but it was too late. As quickly as he'd come, he was gone and she was left in the shadows again.

'No. No. No.' she shouted in her mind. 'Come back!'

"Jason!" she finally found her voice and it came out in an ear splitting scream.

Courtney woke up calling his name. Her body was shaking and his face stayed frozen in her mind. He was so hurt and angry. She ran her quivering hand through her hair and took deep breaths in an effort to settle her nerves. After bringing her hand back down she stared at its bareness and wondered how it was possible to feel completely naked without something she'd barely had a day. It's not like they had been engaged all that long. Well, maybe not officially, but she'd known in her heart for the longest time that she didn't want to be with anyone else for the rest of her life.

It was not just the ring, she missed her family. During an escape attempt earlier that day, she had caught a glimpse of some of the other people there. A man with red hair immediately made her think of her favorite red head. She missed him so much. Or did she?

'Of course I do!' she spat at herself for letting the thought cross her mind. 'It's real. It's all real.'

As convinced as she was that her life was not a lie, Courtney was still afraid. Afraid because she could almost feel herself slipping. Farther away, and she couldn't get a grip. But she refused to let that happen, and racked her brain looking for something to hold on to.

* * *

He searched everywhere but could not find anyone he was looking for. Could not find anyone at all, actually. Everywhere Jason went was empty. Like the city had become completely abandoned. It was definitely more than a little weird.

"Hello?" he called out, receiving no response. "Where is everyone?"

He entered Kelly's and was less then happy when he found that it too was empty.

"Enough! What's going on?" he shouted angrily. To his shock a voice did answer, causing the young man to all but jump out of his skin.

"Jason." it said.

It sounded close by but at the same time far away if that made any sense. So he put his mind to finding its source. Listening carefully, he waited until it came again. Calling his name this time he answered.

"Courtney, is that you?" hope evident in his voice.

"Jason. I need you." it came from outside.

"I'm coming."

To his surprise he stepped out of an isolated area and onto the overcrowded walk in front of the diner. It was as if the whole town had been hiding just to come out now when he came out. He allowed himself to wonder for a moment where everyone had come from but quickly dismissed it. He had somewhere he needed to be.

"Where are you?" he shouted, barely hearing his own voice over the crowd. He heard an incoherent response that he was unable to make out. "Where are you?"

By now he was screaming as loud as possible, and took off running like a mad man through the mass of people. Bumping and barging his way through until he was a good enough distance from the noisy mob. His breathing became the slightest bit heavier and he waited to see if he would hear again.

"Help!" his heart sank hearing the single word in such an unsettling tone.

"Courtney!" he screamed, and didn't hear any sort of reply. "I'll find you!"

Jason began running as fast as he could in any and every direction. He even headed back to Kelly's with the assumption that someone had to know something. No one acknowledged his presence; just went about as if he wasn't there. The world around his was spinning and every noise sounded multiplied hundreds of times. Finally he put his hands over his ears, closed his eyes and hollered at the world.

"Stop!"

His eyes opened and he sat up in bed.

**A/N: ** hmm.. gotta love those dreams. huh? well you don't have to.......if you want feel free.


	10. Haunting

**A/N:** Gasp! What's this? An update? Es Possible'? Well, yes. Sorry, "betty" went to visit her friend in Florida for about a week and came back with like this big list of ideas and we ended up rewriting the next few chaps so…anyway….here we go again!

**Ch. 10 Haunting**

It was easier than she thought. Slip in, leave it, and get out. She didn't even know the excuse she gave Max at the door; something simple and believable. He hadn't suspected anything. Now that Robin had done what was asked of her, she could concentrate on other things.

* * *

"This is a major problem." he stated pacing in front of the young man. "That's the second shipment that's been tampered with. We barely caught it."

"Yeah, we were lucky. If the cops had shown up a minute sooner they would have found the drugs. What do you think?"

"Somehow, someone knows when their coming in, and then right under our noses they're hiding their products in ours before tipping off the cops." Sonny assumed angrily.

"But who? And how?" Jason wondered out loud.

This was a problem they'd never faced before. Normally they were great at keeping their business information under wraps. But now, not only did someone know exactly when it was happening, they were setting them up for a major fall.

"Do you think it's an inside job?" he asked his mentor.

"I hope not. Because if I find out one of my men betrayed me…" he trailed off. There was no need to finish. Jason knew that to Sonny there was nothing worse than betrayal. He'd seen it first hand when Sonny found out he was seeing Courtney behind his back.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head slightly. No matter what he was doing he always found an excuse to think about her.

"Jason? Did you hear me?" his mentor asked pulling him out of his reverie. " I said, we're going to have to be extra careful what we tell to who."

Jason nodded and made some excuse about needing to check on or do something. He did not really pay attention. But Sonny accepted it and dismissed him. Outside he got on his bike and made his retreat. He wound up at the place he always went to think. It was his spot and no one else's. The only other person he'd ever brought there was-

'Damn it.' his mind cut in. There he was doing it again. Everywhere he went, everything he did, he couldn't get away from her.

**A/N:** Sorry its kinda short, the next one is longer. So, YAY!


	11. Downfall

**A/N: **Does anyone else feel like throwing up every time the see jasam...or more specifically just sam? Ugggg....that whole "even if it means I have everything to lose." speech they made to each other reminded me how much I have to lose. my breakfast, my lunch, stupid writers! ok, ok, that's out of my system...doesn't mean I feel any better though. oh well...

**Ch. 11 Downfall**

"That's not how this works!" he said angrily into the phone.

She listened to him yell, just as she'd suspected he would. Which could be strange considering his first impression was that of a charming, helpful person. It was all because he knew what to say, and that he could use her to get what he wanted by promising her everything she wanted.

"But this whole thing with the shipments and the cops isn't helping me at all. Messing with them is only making him work harder and longer. How does that help me?"

"You had to know that this wasn't going to be taken lying down. Of course Corinthos and Morgan are going to try and figure it out." he said matter of factly.

"Yeah, ok I get that. But..." she sent a glance towards the door, making sure it was closed and no one would hear her conversation. "But sooner or later he'll piece it all together. If I just tell him the truth now, there could still be chance."

She heard his chuckle through the phone and shivered at the sound.

'How could you let yourself get involved in his game?' she mentally asked herself.

"And how much of the truth did you plan on telling, Ms. Scorpio? The whole truth and nothing but? Go ahead, see if he gives you the time of day again. Other than to pull the trigger of course."

"He wouldn't-"

"Of course he would." he interrupted. "Corinthos and Morgan always, ALWAYS seek revenge on people who go after their family. Or were you just going to leave that part out and just feed me wolves? Get this straight; if you cross me I'll make sure everyone knows all about the part you played in this."

Before Robin could answer the dial tone filled the receiver. She sighed heavily thought about the day she'd had. For some reason she'd taken the drive up to that place, but barely made it out of the car before turning around and getting away as fast as possible. At first she'd thought it was strange that he opted to use that place instead of Shadybrook. But it did make sense. Shadybrook was a mainstream facility, so there was a greater chance that someone would see what was going on.

'Maybe I should tell them everything.' she though.

But would she be able to stand the way he would look at her? He would hate her. That couldn't happen. Not when she felt like she was close. Like she actually had a chance.

"He's right. I can't. I have to stick with it and let it run it's course." she thought out loud.

* * *

Jason was getting frustrated, not to mention suspicious. It had been weeks since there was any sort of contact or move by the stalker. Which was definitely not like any stalker he'd ever heard of. On top of that, they had someone tampering with their business.

So much was happening and nobody had any idea what to do about it. He shrugged his jacket off, and decided to head upstairs. As usual he stopped at Robin's door to check on her. This time he was surprised to see she was still awake.

"Robin? Everything alright?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" she asked him.

"It's late. What are you still doing up?"

"Just thinking." she answered standing up and walking over to him. "Do you ever think? About us, I mean."

He didn't like where this was going. Their history was not his favorite subject and he really did not want to revisit. He sighed and put his hands on his hips as he so often did when he spoke.

"Let's not get into this, ok?"

By now, she was closer to him and he thought he could see a tear or two in her eyes.

"Why not? Don't you ever wonder what might have been? If I hadn't-" he put up his hand to stop her from going further.

"What happened, happened. There's nothing anyone can do to change that." she took another step so they were only inches apart.

"I do. I think about it a lot. I think about how good we were. We can be that again, Jason. Just give us the chance, and we can be happy. Don't you want that?"

He opened his mouth to respond but the words never made it out. In a flash she was pressing her lips against his, and before he could stop himself, he was kissing back. All his pent up emotions flowed from him into the kiss. Robin was beside herself with happiness. It was all she wanted and it was in her hands.

"Jason. I love you. I always have." she admitted breathlessly.

"I love you too, Courtney."

Fierce reality came charging back to her and she pushed him away as she tried to register it.

"What?!" she asked in anger. The look on his face told her that he too realized what he'd said and done.

"I'm sorry."' he stammered.

"Sorry?" she began. "Sorry for what? That you said her name or that it was me you were kissing instead of her?"

"That shouldn't of happened. Any of it. But it did, and i'm sorry if i hurt you." he saw her wipe away a few tears and take a breath before shaking her head.

"Don't worry about it. You're right, it shouldn't have happened. Um..it's late, i'm going to go to bed."

"Robin."

"Goodnight, Jason."

Accepting there was no excuse for what had happened, jason simply nodded his head and left the room shutting the door behind him. He decided it was best for him to try and rest as well.

* * *

She heard him close the door to his own room and waited. After a few minutes, she quietly snuck downstairs and out of the building. 


	12. Something Like Human

**A/N: I used my magnificent powers to fast forward time. but I meant to do it at the beginning of the last chapter so keep it in mind. CH. 11 IS A FEW WEEKS OR SO (haven't really decided) AFTER 10...K? **I know I complain about sluts Mcallgirl every chance I get but seriously come on GH! Right now I just want to see Court deck her. Just a nice right hook, BAM! Who's with me? We could make a party of it…I'll bring the popcorn!

(this chap is half me and half betty)

**Ch. 12 Something Like Human**

After a few minutes, she quietly snuck downstairs and out of the building. Fuming with anger she got in her car and drove. All the while her mind reeling from the events that had happened. His kiss was so full of passion and intensity that it was enough to send her over the edge.

'But he wasn't kissing you.' her mind teased her. 'You were probably the furthest thing from his mind.'

A wave of self pity found its way in through the anger. She used to be the only person he would kiss or even think of kissing. Then she realized what she had neglected to face earlier. As many times as he had kissed her, she couldn't remember him once kissing her like that. The thought was like another punch in her gut.

Turning off the engine, she was surprised to see that in all her thoughts she'd actually made her way somewhere. Though she wasn't completely surprised that she'd ended up where she had. Her pity and regret faded away into the anger once again. Robin slammed the door shut and stomped into the building.

* * *

Jason lay in bed, wide awake, a million thoughts going through his head. Of course he hadn't meant for any of that to happen, but it did. And now he was left wondering what could have happened. How far would they have gone if he hadn't let those words slip out. Four words. Four little words and now he was going crazy. He had admitted out loud that he still loved her. It could be called progress...admitting is the first step to recovery right?

He scoffed at himself. He was thinking about love like it was some sort of disease or addiction. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe he was no better than anyone who depended on the sort of thing they found in their crates. Only his drug of choice wasn't anything that could be bought or traded. He couldn't get his fix on a street corner or in an alley. He was addicted to her. She was his drug; and he couldn't get enough.

* * *

She stormed through the double doors and up to the receptionists table.

"Matthews." she said abruptly.

"Excuse me?" the woman asked confused.

"I need to know what room she's in. The last name is Matthews."

"Are you family?"

"No, but its important."

"I'm sorry, only family is allowed."

"Listen, I'm really not up for this. So screw the rules or regulations and just tell me." she said trying not to take her anger out on the woman.

"Ma'am, if you're not going to calm down you're going to have to leave."

"I'm sorry. Sorry, thanks for your time." she answered a bit more calm.

Robin turned from the desk and took a few steps from it. She was just about to leave when a loud noise came from behind her. Turning she saw someone had knocked over a cart and now he and the nurse were on the ground cleaning the mess. She took it as a sign and snuck by. There were more rooms then she had imagined, but she decided that if she had to look through everyone, she would.

There were more than she had thought there would be. Going from door to door, she took momentary glances in the small windows provided. She was taken by surprise when someone grabbed her by the arm and spun her around.

"Can I help you?" she asked annoyed by the older man.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Excuse me," she said pulling her arm from the man's grip. "apparently there is a misunderstanding. I'm-"

"I know who you are," he said angrily at her. The man had showed him a photo of her and told him she'd probably be stopping by sooner or later the day he agreed to everything.

"You do?" she asked, warily.

"Yes. And I'm going to tell you this once. I'm not exactly happy with this whole situation, in fact I hate it and deeply regret agreeing to it, but I'm doing it ok? So go back to your friend and tell him I don't appreciate him sending you to check up on me."

"I'm not here to check up on you. I just...need to see."

"No. I'm sorry but I don't think it's a good idea. So if you'd please..."

"Listen up," she said with slightly louder volume than before, "tonight has been my own piece of hell, so if you don't show me where I want to go I'll make sure that my 'friend' as you put it, keeps up his side of a few not so pleasant promises."

The doctor's face became grave, understanding what she meant and he motioned for her to follow him. They soon were outside of a door with the numbers 2113 on the pale door. Robin peered in through the glass pane and saw that it was, in fact, the right room. The man pulled out his keys and unlocked the door before them, but stopped her when she moved to turn the knob.

"I don't know what you're expecting from this, but I'll tell you now not to hope for much."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, at this point I'd be surprised if she recognized her own name." he paused and added the last part with an amount of disgust in his voice. "Unless you want me to tell her that's not true either?"

Robin looked away and shook her head at his question, feeling the a tiny bit of guilt at the news. But it didn't last long when she remembered what brought her there.

"Anything else?" she asked him.

"Yes, I don't think it wise to go in alone. An orderly should be there, in case." he offered, thinking about how violent the woman got when they would approach her.

"He can just wait outside the door." she said before finally opening it and going in.

She cautiously neared the blonde, who sat on the bed with her knees pulled up against her chest. So far she hadn't done anything that might show she saw Robin come in. It was some what unsettling to her but she continued her steps until she was directly in front of her.

"Hello?" she spoke, watching to see if she would get her attention, when there was no response, she continued. "We've never officially met have we? That's ok, there's really no need. I know all about you."

Robin slowly began to pace, all the time never taking her eyes of her.

"What's so special about you? What about you has him so devoted? I was this close, or I thought I was. Apparently not, because Jason was just thinking about you." she was surprised to see the far off stare fade away and have her looking straight at her.

"Jason."


	13. Pieces

**A/N:** we're sorry...rhonda and betty are unable to take your call, please leave a message after the chapter....

**Ch. 13 Pieces**

"Jason." she repeated after the brunette.

"Yeah." she answered looking at her the smallest bit surprised.

The visitor took a step back when Courtney hopped up from sitting and began to speedily pace, a million things going through her head. The woman said 'Jason. It was a name. An important name. She felt a familiarity at hearing it. So, she tried to unscramble the mess that was her mind, attempting to match a face to the name.

Robin watched her walk back and forth, repeating his name and she couldn't help but wonder what was going on in the woman's mind. She didn't bother to interrupt whatever thought process she was witnessing. She just watched, unsure exactly what she should do, she thought about getting out of there as fast as possible. But she couldn't help but notice that as the other woman wrung her hands, she continuously ran her fingers over one of the others. It looked like she was trying to twist a ring around the bare finger. She was contemplating leaving when she was ripped from her thoughts.

"Jason!" basically shouting in triumph causing Robin to jump.

"Ok."

"I...I know him. I know Jason." she said before continuing with her recollection. Her eyes cast downward and she looked at her left hand. "He gave it to me. He put it here."

"I'm going to go, now. So goodbye and everything." she said nervously and began moving towards the door. But she didn't get far.

"He loved me, and he said..." she trailed off. She could not remember his words, or his voice. But she saw his face. Clear as day she saw his face. "You can help me. Hel-help me remember. Help me get to Jason."

"God." Robin groaned in frustration at the request, this wasn't what she wanted to happen. She wanted to come, and see that she didn't need to worry. That there was nothing left to have to worry about. "I'm going to end up in this place soon. I can't believe any of this, I don't understand."

She ran her hand through her hair and let out a sigh. Everything was so wrong. Jason should be with her and they should be happy. But they weren't and he wasn't. Because of the person who stood in front of her asking for her help.

"I don't understand." she said again, anger returning. "He thinks you left. It's been over a month. I've done everything to get closer to him. Everything! But even after it all. After I've been the one he sees everyday. I've been the one who waits for him to come home each night. After everything, you were still the one on his mind. He even said your name when we kissed!" she ranted.

"Kissed?" Robin looked at her, seeing the pained expression on the blonde's face.

"Yes kissed." she said again, antagonizing her. "It was good, too. I've never been kissed like that. I could get used to it though. Does it bother you? That we have a history? That I got to taste him before you? I will again, you know. As loyal as Jason is, he is still a man. He can't hold back forever, and soon he'll lose control and we'll go to the bed you shared."

"No. He-He loves me." she said defensively.

"Maybe, for now. But it won't be long until-"

She didn't get the chance to finish. Before she knew what was happening she was on the ground, and she felt hands wrapped, viciously around her throat. She tried pull them off, but the grip wouldn't loosen. Looking up at in her attackers eyes, she saw nothing anger and rage. Her air was becoming scarce and she truly thought that it was the end. She was going to be killed in that place.

She heard a voice shout and then footsteps coming into the room. A few seconds later the air was back and she was gasping for it. She felt someone pull her out of the room and Robin looked at the man in front of her.

"Are you ok?"

"Fine." she managed to choke out.

"I told you not to go in alone. What happened?"

"I was just talking and she freaked out."

"It doesn't matter. Now I have to deal with this and take care of the dozens of other who are supposed to be here." the doctor said bitterly.

He rubbed his temples casting a quick look into the room at the struggle between the woman and the orderlies. Sighing he took his eyes off the scene and faced Robin.

"I suggest you not come back here. You know the way out."

He gave her one last look before heading into the room she'd just come from. Now that she had vented her anger and not to mention almost been killed, she realized that maybe she had gone to far.

Robin sat in the parking lot and wondered if there was any possible way out of this mess without ending up casualty. A sickening thought rose in her, and it was impossible to describe. The only word she could come up with was 'sold.' Somewhere along the twisted rode she was now driving, she'd sold her soul. For a chance with her ex, she agreed to help an evil man and sold her soul over to devil himself.


	14. These Walls

**A/N: ** If you've read one of the updates for GHOST then you'll know that this chapter has been rewritten about five times and I'm still not sure about it. weird thing is we know where we want it to go, but right now we're having trouble deciding how to get there. alas, I give you this anyway.

**Ch. 14 These Walls**

Jason sat on the couch waiting. He knew that she'd been upset last night, but he didn't think she would go out in the middle of the night and stay out. It wasn't smart. Port Charles was a dangerous place. The door creaked open as she tried to sneak back in. But to her misfortune, the person she wanted to hide her late night trip from was waiting in front of her only entrance.

"Hi." she said cautiously upon seeing him.

"Where'd you go"

"To clear my head. When I got tired I just checked into a motel." she lied, honestly she hadn't meant to stay out all night but it was late to begin with when she left.

"You shouldn't have gone out alone. It's not safe." he said rising and approaching her.

"But it's ok. See, I'm fine."

"Yeah? What happened there" he said gesturing towards her neck, which was now red and sore from the previous events. She'd hoped that it wasn't that noticeable. But it was Jason, he saw just about everything.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing." as he finished the sentence the door opened and his mentor came in.

"We need to talk." he stated simply. Robin welcomed the interruption and excused herself. Jason watched her ascend the stairs and made a note to continue the conversation later on.

"What's up" he asked turning back to Sonny.

"We caught a guy in the warehouse snooping around. The men that were there have him, I want you down there. Question him, intimidate him, beat the hell out of him if you have to, but find out what he knows."

"Alright, I'll take care of it." Sonny turned to leave, but stopped an looked at his enforcer again. He could tell something was bothering him.

"Something wrong"

"Robin's hiding something. She was gone all night, and she has these marks on her neck."

"Marks? What kind of marks"

"Like she was attacked or something. I asked her about it, but she says its nothing."

"Ok. Just make sure that someone's watching her at all times. If something's going on, I want to know about it."

"I'll put someone on it. Then I'll go to the warehouse. I'll call when we get anything." he said and after a nod from sonny, left the penthouse. The man looked around the now empty room once more before heading back to his own home.

* * *

As soon as Jason arrived at the building he immediately went into enforcer mode. It had been sometime since he'd got there and he was trying to determine if the man was fiercely loyal, or just genuinely didn't know anything. Which ever it was, Jason was losing his patience. He looked at the bruised man before him, all the while shooting icicles with his gaze.

"What were you doing sneaking around here" he asked again.

"I swear to God I was just doing what I was told; go to the warehouse."

"And do what" When the man didn't answer right away, Jason delivered another fist to his body.

"Just to hang around and call when the shipments come in."

"Call who"

"I-I can't. He'll kill me." he stuttered out. Jason could see the man was fighting an inner battle trying to decide whether or not to give a name. Of course the decision he made would greatly affect if he would live or not.

"What do you think I'll do if you don't? Tell me and I might help you disappear; make sure he never finds you."

The man opened his mouth to say something when he suddenly slumped over completely limp. Lifting him up, he saw what he'd assumed would be there. The bullet hit its target perfectly and killed him instantly. He cursed under his breath before looking up to the men around him.

"Look around. Check the rooftops of all the surrounding buildings. If the shooter is still here bring him in." he ordered.

Whoever he worked for, they definitely didn't want him talking. Much to his frustration, they were back at square one. He ran a hand through his hair knowing that Sonny would surely blow when he heard about his. A sound reached his ears and it immediately registered it as his cellular phone.

"Morgan." he answered in his usual greeting.

"Mr. Morgan, I followed her and kept out of sight as you requested. I think you'd like to see this."

* * *

**A/N:** this isn't anything important but a few questions have come to my mind and I don't know maybe someone can answer them.

1) wasn't there a whole story line bout how sam mcall was even her real name...so why don't people call her whatever it is that's supposed to be her real name?

2) sonny is a corinthos, courtney is a matthews, but their father is a corbin? isn't sonny michael corinthos jr...so shouldn't his father be michael corinthos sr?i thought mike and janine were married at one point so why wouldn't his daughter have his last name?

sorry, i don't know why i'm trying to analize family trees or whatever. it's madness i tell you madness! 


	15. The Innocent

**A/N:** my heart is totally breaking for Luke right now...bringing lulu to see her brother and all...sniffle anyone got a tissue?

**Ch. 15 The Innocent **

He glared at her, annoyed by her demand that he meet with her right away. He was not one who allowed other people to give him orders. He didn't take orders, he gave them. That was the way he liked it and the way he would keep it.

"I don't appreciate being summoned. What do you want?"

"I'm supposed to be in danger. How is anyone going to believe that I have a stalker if I'm just sitting around like everything's perfect?"

"I do have other business to see to. I can't spend all my time making sure you stay in Morgan's damsel in distress radar."

"I know, but I'm helping you too. If I decide to spill on who is messing up their business you'll be in trouble." she looked him in the face to see if her threat had any affect on him.

"Go ahead. In time Corinthos will figure out who's behind it. I'm basically in the cross hairs anyway. But you need to think. Who has the most to lose here? I've had people like Corinthos after me my whole life. What about you?"

Robin hated it, but he was right. She definitely had the most to lose. What she needed was a way out. But how? She let her head hang for a moment and when she looked back up she could see that he was gone.

* * *

"Hey, what's going?" Jason asked upon meeting up with the guard.

"She was meeting with someone. I couldn't see or hear them all that well from here, but I'm sure they were talking about you and Mr. Corinthos."

"Do you know what it was about?"

"I'm sorry. I was trying to stay out of sight." he replied shaking his head.

"Ok. Good job. I'll take it from here." Jason offered. The other man left, Jason remained in hiding waiting to see what the woman's next move was. If she was talking to someone about his and sonny's business, whatever she was hiding was bigger than he had imagined.

He thought about revealing himself and confronting her straight out, though she would probably lie to his face, he was positive he could keep on her and she would eventually tell him the truth. Before he could take the first step out of the shadows, he heard her talking to herself and leaned in to listen to the words.

"It's ok. It's going to be fine. They don't know anything, and they won't. But what if they do? God what if they Jason finds out everything?" she paused and looked around. Content that no one was there she made a decision. "He won't. I'll make sure."

Robin then took off in a direction like a woman with a mission. Jason quickly and silently followed, determined to figure out her secret. He had a weird feeling that he would find answers wherever she was going.

* * *

She walked down the corridor, taking note that everything was in order. At each door she would remove the clipboard from the clear, plastic holder it sat in and checked the information before making marks on her own clipboard. It wasn't a glamorous job that she had. And it definitely wasn't cheerful. She had been told before coming that some of the things that went on would probably disturb her. But no one warned her how heartbreakingly depressing it would be. She had always wanted to help people, so it seemed that being a nurse was a good path for her.

Her problem was that, unlike a lot of the employees, she felt for all the patients. It was not their fault that they had to be there. It was just the cards that fate had dealt to them. Coming to a door that read 2113, she looked at the sheet then inside the room. A note that had caught her eye said that due to a violent outburst with a visitor, the woman was now to have restraints at all times until further notice by Dr. Price. Peering inside the small room, the nurse felt her heart go out to the girl. Sighing, she continued on her rounds.

* * *

Robin walked through the parking lot of the building and headed towards the entrance. She was sure that he wouldn't be happy that she was there after he told her not to come back. But she was there anyway, and there wasn't anything he would be able to do about it. Unknown to the woman, Jason followed close behind. 


	16. Draw the Line

**A/N: **I know its been a while but I had a bunch of midterms to study for…but apparently it was worth it…I got a 96 on my history midterm! I was in total shock and even accused my teacher of lying when he told me.  anyway…its over now so here you go….

**Ch. 16 Draw The Line**

Jason remained a safe distance behind the woman to be sure to stay out of sight. He wasn't sure where she'd taken him; the building somewhat resembled General Hospital. He thought he saw a sign in front but he was too focused on keeping his eye on Robin to see what it said. He made a note to take a better look before leaving.

He walked through the same door she had moments ago. Inside he found the place was nearly bare. There was only a janitor and someone behind the desk that he could see on the floor. For a moment he thought the person would see him but soon realized they were more interested in some book than whoever might be coming in. Understandable, since the night had already been over the city for some time. He saw a brief glimpse of a brunette in the elevator before the doors closed.

Jogging up to it he watched the number above the door stop at two. Knowing where she was heading and that he could get there in no time on foot, Jason entered the stairwell. Climbing two at a time, Jason was able to reach the second door rather quickly. Opening the door to the level, he saw he was farther behind her than he'd liked but was still able to keep her in his sights.

* * *

Robin stepped of the elevator and quickly scanned the room. Seeing no sign of the doctor she knew, she went straight on through the room. She didn't cast a glance at the bored woman behind the desk, she knew where she was going. 2113, she remembered was the room number. She headed down the familiar hall in search of the particular door.

Jason stood against the wall and followed with the stealth and silent of a cat on the prowl. He had a feeling he would find something interesting. But he couldn't help but worry about what it was. It had become obvious to him along the way that the place was some sort of hospital. So, what was she looking for in a hospital?

She stood outside the room and softly patted her purse for reassurance. She forgot, however, that they kept the doors to the rooms locked. It was a small bump, but nothing she couldn't get past. Wondering what to do, she saw a young man in a lab coat rubbing his eyes as he walked through the halls.

"Excuse me." she said getting his attention. "You think you could unlock this door for me?"

The young doctor looked at her strangely before answering.

"I'm not authorized to allow access to other doctors patients. You'll have to speak with Dr. Price to permit it."

"See that's the thing, he did and right after he brought to the door he was paged away. He must've just forgot to unlock it before he left." she lied, hoping he would buy it. But the man continued to eye her suspiciously. She worried that she'd worked up the nerve to do this just to have the opportunity taken away from her.

"Visiting hours ended a while ago."

"I know, and I hate to impose but I work all day and this is the only chance I have to see my , uh, sister." she covered quickly. "You can ask him if you like."

It seemed to be enough for the man. She thanked god that he didn't intend to actually find the older man and ask him about it because he would find it to be false. But she threw it in there to sound for real. He nodded and unlocked the door in front of her.

"Ok, but don't go telling anyone I did this."

"Secret's safe with me."

" I should get an orderly to supervise, but there are only a few working this time of night so if you want to wait-"he offered.

"No need. I've been to see her before. She won't do anything to me." she said trying to make sure she was able to be alone.

"I'd rather not take the chance, " he began peaking his head into the room. "but in her present situation I don't see the harm in allowing it this once."

"Thank you." she said and waited until he walked away before she entered.

The door closed behind her and she looked out the window for some minutes. The building was basically deserted. She smirked at the empty hallway, amused at how easy it had been. Once satisfied no one would be coming, she turned to face the room. Slowly, she approached the bed in the room. She stayed on guard, not wanting a repeat of what happened last time. That wouldn't be happening, she realized, when she saw the situation. The straps restrained the woman's arms and legs, keeping her confined to the small bed. The scales were definitely tipped in her favor.

Jason went over to the door she'd gone in. The small glass square didn't allow for much of a view as to what was happening in the dim room. He could vaguely make out the woman's back.

"This seems a bit more fair then last time. Don't you think?" she asked the unresponsive woman.

It was an odd state she appeared to be in. It looked like somewhere between awake and asleep. She almost felt sorry for her. Perhaps it was a sign that she would be doing the right thing; or at the very least, the human thing. Robin squat down and brushed back the strands of hair sticking to the perspiration on her forehead.

"I feel like I should tell you, I never planned for it to come to this. But the more I think about it, the more I think that maybe he was right and it should have been done this way from the beginning. Would've saved you all this torture, it's no way to live. Don't worry, it'll all be over in a second."

She raised to her full height and took a step back. Reaching in her purse, she pulled out the gun with the silencer attached. It was a shame how easily one could get a hold of such a dangerous thing in this town. Lifting her arm, she pointed the weapon at her target.

"I won't have to worry about them finding you. And you don't have to spend another minute in this place. It'll all be over."

Jason placed his hand over the doorknob, remembering that it had been left unlocked. He would find out what was going on, and what Robin had to do with it. Slowly, he began to twist the metal under his fist.

Robin held the gun poised to fire. Her hand shook slightly as she tried to take the leap and get it done. She had never shot, let alone killed anyone before. She lowered the gun and took in a deep breath, before raising it once more this time holding it steady.

"It's the only way."


	17. So Scream You

**Ch. 17 So Scream You  
**

"It's the only way." she whispered.

"Sir, you can't go in there." Jason turned to see a young nurse.

"There's a woman in there-" he began explaining.

"And I'm sure you're anxious to see her, but you'll have to comeback during visiting hours." she spoke to him, understanding that the person in the room probably meant a great deal to him. It wasn't that long since she'd been in the hallway and she remembered the specific room the man was trying to gain access to.

"No, she's not a patient."

* * *

Inside the room, Robin heard their voices. More specifically, his voice. Panicking, she frantically stuffed the weapon back in her purse. She realized that she had no way to escape and no where to hide. If he came in the room, she was sure to be caught.

"Ma'am, if you'll just let me open the door-" Jason tried to reason with the woman.

She would have none of it and grabbed hold of his forearm to escort him away. Jason only sighed and easily broke from her grip and spun around back to the door. This time he quickly turned the knob and pushed open the door before she could stop him. As soon as he did, Robin jumped out of the shadows of the dark room and in front of him.

"God, Jason it's you!" she said, an obvious sound of relief in her voice. She reached out, putting an arm on either shoulder and spun the both of them around so that his back was now to the room.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I got a message to come here. Said I would find something interesting. So I came, like I was told, but there's nothing."

"Why didn't you tell someone?"

"I didn't want anyone to get hurt. It was a mistake, I was stupid. Lecture me later, I just want to go home."

"You didn't see or find anything?" he asked.

"No, nothing. No one." she answered a bit quickly. She was lucky that so far Jason had kept his focus and attention on her during their conversation rather than allowing it to wander into the room behind him. But she was walking a thin line at the moment, and she didn't want to push her luck. However at the same time she could not look too desperate to get him away, so she calmed her voice down before speaking again. "Can we just go home now? Please?"

"I think that would be wise." the nurse interjected, having listened to their exchange.

* * *

Courtney did not know what was going on around her. Some time ago, she had somehow realized that there was someone else in the room. Her eyes were barely open, in her state the small slits were as far as she could manage. Even then she couldn't see anything but various blurs and blotches of shadow and light. It was impossible to make out what the person was saying to her.

Soon someone else was there and their speech was becoming louder. Focusing she could get every few words. Enough to know piece together that they were leaving. She didn't want them to leave. Whoever they were, if there was a chance they could help her she wanted to take it. Gathering what energy she could muster, she strained to bring attention to herself. There was only one word her mind was ordering her to scream.

Help.

But the rest of her could not comprehend the command. Using every ounce of strength she found in her, she tried to make a noise. She got a quick notion and attempted lifting her hand, but found that she was barely able to lift it before it fell limply back to the mattress. Afraid that all her efforts would end up being for naught, she forced herself to do something. All her might only resulted in a whimper like cry.

* * *

"Can we go now? Please?"

"I think that would be wise." the nurse interjected having heard their exchange. "I don't know how you got in miss, but there are rules and reasons for them."

" I'm sorry, I understand." she said to the woman. "Can we go now?"

Jason looked at Robin and could tell she sincerely did not want to be there any longer than necessary. He nodded and they began filing out of the room when Jason heard something that stopped him. A small sound, barely one at all. It sounded like some sort of cry. His hesitation didn't go unnoticed by Robin.

"Jason?" she saw an unreadable look on his face and felt her heart stop beating as he turned his body towards the room.

"Oh my god."


	18. The Bitter Ache

**Ch. 18 The Bitter Ache**

Voices. She heard voices. Not very well. It was like trying to listen to a detuned radio, only catching random words and phrases before static could block it out.

"…much longer like this? Why hasn't…..yet?" one asked.

"…hard to say…" another answered.

She wondered if they were talking about her. It was possible. Against her body's will, she forced her eyes open. The bright light fiercely stung her eyes. On reflex she closed them and brought her hand up to her head. The movement felt like it took more effort than it should have. Letting her hand slide back down, she could feel how drained her body was. She opened her eyes again and blinked and squinted several times to try to adjust to the light. Unintentionally, a slight groan escaped her throat. As it did, a man appeared at her side, taking her hand in his.

"Hi." he greeted softly stroking the back of her hand with his free one. "How do you feel?"

She wanted to answer him, to talk to him, to find out what was going and what had happened. But she was exhausted; not having the energy to keep up any longer, her head fell to the side and her eyelids drooped closed once more.

* * *

Jason stroked her hand while he held it in his as he gazed at her sleeping form. He returned her hand to the bed before standing up. Though he didn't want to leave, he knew there were people who wanted to know what was going on. He looked back once before closing the door and heading towards the waiting room.

* * *

The man ran a hand through his slick black hair as he paced. It felt like it had been forever since they'd arrived. A million thoughts ran through his head. But the biggest one of all was "who?" He didn't know the details about what happened, all he knew was what he'd been told. Robin said she was told to go somewhere and Jason followed. So whoever it was had to have known that Jason was following her, otherwise it didn't make sense. Robin had never met his sister, what significance would it have for her to be there alone?

The steady rhythm of tapping brought Sonny's attention to his wife, who sat impatiently hitting her foot against the time tile floor. He knew if it weren't for the weight of the situation he would've been give the "I told you so." speech she loved to use so much. She'd been telling him the whole time that something was going on. But he just dismissed it and now they were waiting for someone to tell them what was going on.

* * *

Jason stood just outside the waiting area before going in. His mind still reeling from the events and discoveries he'd come across earlier in the day.

"_Oh my god." he whispered._

_For the shortest second possible, Jason was frozen in place. His mind knew it was real, but his heart didn't want to believe it. It wasn't right. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. But it was. He was really standing there. The instant the realization fully hit him, he was no longer frozen._

"_Courtney? Oh God, Courtney." he spoke trying to keep from hyperventilating. He hovered above her still form and cupped her face with his hands. He placed his shaking hands to check for a pulse before he began caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. He would rather wake up alone, thinking she was off having a better life without him than o have her before him like this. Hearing movement behind him, he remembered he wasn't there alone. He turned around and looked at Robin and the nurse who stood watching him._

"_What the hell's going on here?" he asked anger obvious in his tone._

"_Sir, you need to-"_

"_Tell me what's going on! What did you do to her?" he asked his eyes growing darker with anger and rage. "What did you do to Courtney?"_

"_That's Courtney?" Robin asked, trying to preserve her innocent image by playing dumb. Luckily for her, as far as everyone knew, she'd never met or seen the girl before._

_Jason ignored her question and held his stare on the intimidated nurse. HE was furious in a way he'd never felt before._

"_How long has she been here?" he asked barely containing his anger._

"_I-uh, I just started a week ago. She was already here." she stuttered._

"_She doesn't belong here!" he shouted. He went to back to her and tugged at the straps viciously. Once they were detached, he gently snaked his arms under her and lifted her into his embrace._

"_You-you can't do that, sir."_

"_Try and stop me." he growled dangerously before walking past the woman. Robin was in shock at how quickly everything had gone down and regained herself in time to catch up with Jason who had obviously forgotten about her.

* * *

_

"Jason." Carly called bringing her husband's attention to the distraught man approaching them. "What's going on?"

"Uh, She woke up for a second."

"Did she say anything?" Carly asked. Jason only shook his head and placed a hand on the back of his neck rubbing at the tension that had made a home in the particular spot.

"But she's ok, right? Health wise?"

"I don't know Carly, they're running all sorts of blood tests right now to check." he looked around before speaking again. "Robin leave?"

"Who cares" Carly replied quickly.

Jason ignored her remark. Her feelings for Robin weren't important at the moment. He had questions, and she was going to answer them. But even that would have to wait until after they knew exactly what was going on with the blonde that held his heart.

"Jason?" she interrupted, her voice noticeable softer that before and slightly wavering. "You don't think…I mean, she wasn't in that place this whole time. Was she?"

"I don't know." he didn't admit that the same question was eating at him along with countless others. What if he'd gone looking for her from the beginning like Carly said? What if he hadn't cancelled lunch that day? What if he hadn't run into Robin? So many questions.


	19. These Tired Eyes

**Ch. 19 These Tired Eyes**

"You don't think…I mean, she wasn't in that place this whole time was she?"

"I don't know Carly."' he didn't admit that the same question was eating at him, along with so many others. What if he'd gone looking for her from the beginning like Carly said? What if he hadn't cancelled lunch that day? What if he hadn't run into Robin? So many questions.

Carly saw he far off gaze in her friend's eyes and knew the whole situation had to be killing him. She turned to cast a look at her silent husband and was surprised to see he was no longer there.

"Where's Sonny?"

* * *

He stood outside the door, hesitant to go in, but swallowed hard and entered the pristine room. It was deathly silent but for the steady beeping of the heart monitor. It was annoying but calming at the same time. Because the noise meant it was healthy; it meant it was beating.

He sat down next to the bed. A bed that his little sister was sleeping in, ignorant to what was going on around her. He reached his hand to hers and let it hover in the air for a second, unsure what to do or how. He wasn't the best at this sort of thing. Slowly, he let his hand fall on hers and released a breath. It was like he expected her to break if touched.

"I don't know if you can hear me right now. I hear a lot about people talking to other people in comas and they're sure they can hear them and understand them. Yeah, I know you're not in a coma so it's not exactly the same thing, but they say you're in some sedated sleep. I swear we'll find out exactly what happened And when we find out who's responsible, they're going to beg for mercy."

He thought about how much she hated the violence that surrounded him, and would hate it even more if it was done in her name. But he would gladly put up with her griping and arguing as long as he made whoever hurt his family pay. Pay dearly.

"You probably wouldn't believe it," he began speaking to her again. "but I missed you. You know I didn't know about you for the longest time, but once I did…I knew you were something else. It was like you had this-this light that followed you. And when you were gone, it was gone. I missed it; everyone did. Now that you're back, you just need to let us know you're ok. Bring the light back into our lives." he looked at her still unconscious features and listened to the steady sound of the machine. "Please."

Not knowing if there was anything else to say, Sonny only hung his head. He didn't see the two people who stood at the door, overhearing his every word, nor did he see them turn back and leave him be.

* * *

In the hallway, the woman put her hand on Jason's shoulder.

"Everything's going to be fine."

He nodded and returned to the waiting area with her, though he'd rather be where Sonny sat, he understood. He wasn't the only one who'd lost her, let alone love her. She had a whole family that missed her and for now Jason would wait and give them their own time with her. Right now, it was her brother who wanted and needed to be there. Jason could wait. He was nothing if not patient.


	20. A Thousand Lost Forevers

**A/N:** hmm...nothin really to say for some reason...so...settle for some advice for everyday life: don't poke sleeping lions with sticks...bad idea.

**Ch 20 A Thousand Lost Forevers**

Sonny didn't know how long he'd stayed like that, hanging his head and listening to sound of the room. But he knew it had been a while since he'd said anything when he was snapped from wherever he'd gone off to. He felt her hand twitch under his and he immediately looked up in time to see her eyes open.

She gazed around the room with a look of confusion. Obviously trying to figure out where she was, Sonny thought. He removed his hand, and while scooting the chair a little closer to, he looked relieved at his waking sibling.

"Hey. Glad you're awake, we were worried about you." he said honestly. "I'm going to get a doctor and tell Carly and Jason you're up." He stood up and prepared to do just as he said when she spoke. Her voice sounded small and soft. So much so that if he wasn't facing her when she spoke, he might not have known she said anything.

"Who?"

He took a mental step back, hoping he'd heard wrong. He cleared his throat to keep his voice from failing him.

"What did-what did you say?" he asked unsure what else could say. Courtney's head went from side to side and she sat up and looked at her surroundings frantically, her breaths coming out raggedly in her panic. Sonny put a hand on either of her shoulders and gently guided her back to the mattress, but kept his hands where they were to keep her focus while he spoke. "Just-it's ok, just calm down and look at me, ok? Just listen to me. Do you know who I am? Do you know me?"

Sonny looked intently into her eyes and his widened in response. He backed up slowly his gaze never leaving hers.

"I'll-I'll go get someone." he stammered. At least he thought he said it; he hoped he did, before he left the room.

* * *

His feet carried him swiftly down the corridor, his eyes darted around in search of a doctor. Not finding one along the way, he went straight to the nurse's station. The one there was on the phone and didn't seem to notice him there.

"Excuse me-" he tried to keep his cool and be civil but the woman only continued her conversation.

"Sonny what is it?" he heard Jason ask from behind him. But he continued to try and speak to the woman.

"Hey, listen, I need-" the woman held up her index finger to halt him.

"Sonny, what?" he asked again. "What's going on?"

"I'm trying to get a damn doctor!" he shouted and slammed his fist on the counter, causing a loud bang to sound through the waiting room.

"What do you need a doctor for? Is Courtney ok? Did something happen?" Jason asked, concern flowing from his voice.

"Sh-She's awake. Where's Carly?"

"Getting coffee. Courtney's awake? Did she say anything?"

Sonny looked at his right hand man and best friend. He knew he had to say something, but he didn't know how to tell him exactly what transpired.

"Yeah, man, she did." before he could figure out how to tell him anything, Monica approached them.

"There you are; I have the blood tests back." she said to them.

"Later-" Sonny interrupted. "She's awake now and I want you to check her out."

* * *

The door opened Monica walked in first followed by the two men. She was taken back at the sight of the empty bed before them. The momentary shock fell away when her gaze fell to a corner of the room. She saw her sitting in the corner with her knees against her chest, elbows resting on them and her face hidden in the crook of her bent arms.

The older woman approached her slowly. She squatted to her level and place a hand on her shoulder.At the moment of contact, Courtney jerked her head up and looked at the woman. Instinctively, she tried to back away but found the wall at her back prevented her from doing so.

"Easy, it's alright. I just want to ask you some questions. Do you feel like you can answer them?" Courtney slowly moved her head down then up once to reply to her question.

"Ok. First off, do you know where you are?" She digested the doctors question completely before shaking her head from side to side.

"Do you recognize anyone in the room?"

Courtney looked from the doctor to the men standing behind her. She recognized the dark haired man who'd been there earlier. She nodded and pointed to him to answer the question. Monica looked over her shoulder and took note of who she pointed to. Slightly upset that it hadn't been her son who, she knew, loved the girl so deeply.

"Who is he?" she asked Courtney.

"H-He was in here, be-before." she answered softly.

"Just one more; can you tell me your name?"

Sonny couldn't take just watching anymore and left the room unnoticed. He had a feeling he knew her answer to the question and couldn't stand it. Stepping into the hallway, he barely missed running down his wife and the steaming liquid from her hands.

"Hey, I came back and everyone was gone so I figured you guys were here." she saw the solemn look on his face. "What's wrong?"

* * *

"I promise it's the last one, then I won't ask you anymore. Do you know your name?"

She put her face in her hands when the tears threatened to fall. She didn't know the answer. She didn't know her name; she didn't know anything. Afraid her voice would only break and open the door for the flowing tears if she tried, she only shook her head.

Jason hadn't moved, he couldn't. He couldn't even feel his legs. He couldn't feel anything besides his heart breaking for the woman he loved. The whole situation was like a horrible dream. He had been where she was and he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, least of all her. All he wanted was for her to look at him and smile that brilliant smile. But he knew she wouldn't.

"That's enough for now." Monica said, patting her shoulder to offer a small amount of comfort to the crying woman. "How about we get you back to bed, hmm?"

She nodded but didn't move. Monica sighed and cast a glance towards her son. He met her gaze and answered the question she silently asked him by approaching them.. Jason moved to help get her back into the bed, but as soon as he got close enough to touch her she once again tried to jump away. He pulled back his arms and Courtney looked towards Dr. Quartermaine.

After a few encouraging words from his mother, Jason was able to guide the blonde back onto the mattress. Once she was settled, Monica indicated that she would speak with him outside. Jason stayed a moment longer before preparing to talk with her.

"Wait." she said pleadingly before he could leave. "My-my name?"

If it was possible, he felt the pieces of his heart break even smaller. He was sure by now that they would be able to fit through the eye of a needle. That she had to depend on someone else to give her such a simple answer was horrible. He felt a great admiration for his mother for having lived through such a situation.

"Courtney. You're name is Courtney."


	21. Sinking Over Time

**A/N: **grrr...jaspam kissing in the rain? wtf? are the writers trying to relive every moment and event that ever happened to journey? he gonna save her from a crazy stalker? they gonna get married in vegas? god stupid writers really piss me off! ok...that's out of my system for now...lol...carly trying to coach anyone on sanity or emotional stability...gonna miss tams when she's gone. 

**Ch. 21 Sinking Over Time**

The grave mood hung around them while the trio stood in the hallway waiting. After leaving the room, Monica informed them that she was having the on call specialist paged. Jason was less then thrilled to see it was Tony, but he was highly respected in the field, so he put his personal feelings if he could help Courtney.

"Should someone call Mike?" Carly asked. "He probably would like to know she's and-" she paused afraid if she actually said what was apparently wrong, it would seem that more real. "…and everything else."

"Yeah, he might." Sonny said not hiding the irritation that came from hearing his father's name.

"I'll call him." Jason offered, seeing the suggestion in his friend's eyes. He could tell she just wanted some time alone with her husband, so he could do them the favor. On top of that, he needed to do something besides waiting.

Carly placed her hand on her husband's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze as he leaned against he wall. He hadn't said much and she knew that he had a lot on his mind.

"You ok?"

"I'll be fine." he whispered.

"So will Courtney, you'll see." she tried to comfort him.

"You don't know that; you weren't there when she woke up. You didn't see her eyes, or hear her voice." he said each word as the scene played again before him.

"I know it must've been hard."

"When I told her I was going to get you guys, she said 'who.' I looked her straight in the eyes and asked if she knew me."

"What-What happened?" Carly asked, knowing it would be better for him to talk about it.

"Her eyes…all I saw was fear. She was afraid of me; my sister, looking at me like I was a stranger." He continued to stare at the door to the empty room Courtney had been in earlier. Tony said they were taking her to run tests and would be back as soon as possible. They chose to wait in the hall so they could know what he found out as soon as possible.

What seemed like years later, she was brought back to the room. Tony and Monica stood conversing for a moment before coming to speak to the group. Robin had returned to join them sometime before. At her arrival, Carly had assured her that it was a family matter and she had no business there. She silenced her protests at Jason's suggestion to "just leave it be."

"After several tests, as well as going over the blood tests with Dr. Quartermaine, we were able to deduce a few things about Courtney's condition." Tony began.

* * *

Inside her room, Courtney grew irritant of all the tests she'd had to do. Even more so that after going through them the doctor hadn't even told her what was going on. She slid out of the bed and unsteadily made her way to the door, cracking it just enough to see and hear what was happening.

* * *

"Wait, wait. What do the blood tests have to do with this? I thought it had to be like head trauma or something. Is there more, is she sick?" Carly asked fearfully.

"The tests show a large amount of drugs in her bloodstream."

* * *

Hearing the word, Courtney's eyes traveled to the small circular mark on her arm. She lightly placed a finger over the dot and wondered if it was the reason for everything, before returning her attention to the conversation outside the door.

* * *

"The substances we found are strong medication used in only severe cases involving dementia. That mixed with what appears to be a number of sedatives and muscle relaxants can do damage enough on its own. But we have no way of knowing how long she's been taking them or what else might have left her system before she got here."

"She didn't take them." Jason spoke defensively. "Someone put those things in her."

"But once they leave her system, she'll be better right?" Carly asked hoping against hope.

"With this mixture and amount, it's a miracle her brain isn't mush by now. I apologize for being so blunt, but there are things you need to prepare for."

"Like what?"

"This isn't just a case of common amnesia that affects memory of the life that's been lived or the people in it. That's part of it, yes, but there is more to it. In Courtney's case, the simplest, everyday task may seem a foreign concept."

"You mean she won't know how to do anything?" Carly asked him, still speaking for the silent men.

"I'm sure she'll be able to do some things based purely on instinct. Things that her body knows automatically, but even that is not certain. Anything from tying shoes to driving a car may be unknown to her. On top of that, her motor skills will work slower then normal causing more time and concentration needed to get things done, but Monica and I believe that those will redevelop on their own as she gets back into her daily life."

"Is there a chance she'll remember?" the woman asked the million dollar question.

"The mind is a complex thing. There's a chance she can remember, but there's an even greater chance that her subconscious will simply make up memories as a way to explain things or feel whole." he answered. "But you should prepare yourself for the very real possibility that this is permanent."

"So you're basically saying is-" Carly began but was cut off by the blue eyed man who had remained silent until that point.

"Brain damage." the words fell heavily from his lips. An awkward silence fell upon them as the painful irony of what was said by who set in.

"I suggest she stay overnight and possibly longer just to allow the drugs to flush out." Monica said.

She saw the pain they were going through and understood, she'd been there. Her sympathetic gaze fell to her son, he looked the worse of them all. She wanted to be able to comfort and support him. For a moment she thought about reaching out to hug him, but decided against it not knowing how he would take it. So she just nodded and left them to their thoughts.

* * *

She closed the door, sniffling back a tear as she tried to digest what she'd overheard. Drugs. Memory Loss. Brain Damage. It was too much, no wonder they didn't tell her right away. It seemed like too much for someone of perfect health to deal with, so why would they risk telling her. She felt empty. Empty and useless. Taking slow steps, she returned to the small bed and crawled under the thin blanket. She laid curled on her side and let the silent tears fall to the pillow. 


	22. Barely Above

**A/N:** yay! i updated! yay!

**Ch. 22 Barely Above**

The mechanical transport traveled up the building carrying its two passengers with it. The silence was awkward and uncomfortable but neither of them broke it. She was glad to be getting out of the hospital, but she wasn't exactly thrilled to be going home. Simply because she didn't know what home was or what was waiting for her there.

It was a horrible feeling, looking at the people around and only seeing strangers. There was no significant difference to between the hospital staff and the people that came to see her. She felt the man's eyes on her but did not meet them. She didn't want to see the pity that she knew would be there. It was the same thing she saw on every nurse and doctor that she had to see in the past few days. It made her sick, she didn't want pity. She just wanted to feel normal; whatever that was.

Jason looked at her while she stared at the floor, he could tell she was intentionally avoiding his gaze. He also noticed that she had put as much distance between the two of them as the small elevator would allow. At the hospital he had seen how uncomfortable the place made her and how anxious she was to get out. But he could see that she was reluctant to go with or trust him. When he saw that, he wondered if it should have been Sonny to bring her home since he was the first person she'd seen, or remembered seeing; she might have trusted him the slightest. But that wasn't an option as Sonny had said he had work to do.

The small bell rang, slicing through the still air and the doors slid apart revealing the floor. Out of habit, Jason reached out and placed his hand on her lower back to usher her forward. He silently cursed himself for doing so when he felt her cringe and pull away from his touch. He shook his head slightly before stepping out after her, barely stopping in time when she stopped abruptly in the hallway. He wondered what made her stop so suddenly when he saw her looking back and forth between the two doors on the floor.

"It's this one." he said gently, before walking to the door and opening it. He stood in the hall and waited for her to go in first.

Slowly, Courtney entered and stood awkwardly in the room. This was her home. It was nice, not that she had much to compare it too besides the hospital, but it was nice; simple. A thougth popped into her head and she turned to him.

"We live here together?" she asked. Jason was surprised that he hadn't thought of mentioning it already to her.

"Yeah, for a little while."

"So...we're, like, together?" she asked shifting her weight from one leg to the other uncomfortably.

Jason opened his mouth to rely when he heard footsteps scamper excitedly through the hall and through the still open door. The redhead entered the penthouse and greeted his unlce with a wide grin.

"Hi." he said happily.

"Hey buddy, what's going on?"

"I can't find the book you gave me. I wanted to read it."

Courtney watched the interaction between Jason and the boy. It was obvious there was a special bond between the two of them. But it was their relationship that frightened her. What was the boy to Jason? A brother? A nephew? A son? The last one nearly sent her mind into panic. Was he Jason's son? With her? Did she have a child she didn't know about? Her fear subsided slightly when she heard the boy call him 'Uncle Jason.' She relaxed a little, releasing a breath she had apparently been holding. She saw the boy's eyes fall on her and widen in delight. He ran to her, closing the space between them in mere seconds. His small arms wraped around her waist in a vice grip.

"Aunt Courtney! Aunt Courtney! You're back!" he cheered happily, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around her bouncing up and down a few times. "Where did you go? Why did you leave? Did you miss us? How come you stayed away so long?"

"Uh-I-" she stuttered having no idea what to tell the boy. His questions flew out at a mile a minute. He kept his small arms latched to her, all the while inquiring her about so much.

"Hey Micheal, why don't you go tell you're mom and dad I'll be over to talk to them in a second?"

"Daddy's not home."

"Well, can you tell your mom then?"

"But, I want to stay."

"Michael, please."

"Oh, ok." he gave in and released the his hold on her. "I'm glad you're home Aunt Courtney."

After he left, Jason looked nervously to her and could see the affect their nephews visit had on her.

"So, we're his aunt and uncle? That-That means we're married?" she asked looking at her hands.

"No. I've known him since he was a baby, and he's Sonny's son." Jason explained. He caught hold of his words and tried to rectify himself. "Sonny's your-"

"Brother. Yeah, I know, I-I was told."

"I'm sorry about Michael. He's just-"

"It's fine. I'm just-I'm just kind of tired. Can I just lay down?"

Jason nodded and disputed over whether or not he should immediately tell her where the bedroom was. He felt like he had already slipped assuming he needed to tell her who Sonny was and he didn't want to do it again. He didn't want her to think that he assumed she was helpless.

"Umm...where should I..." she asked him, leaving the end off her question. She hated having to ask for directions in what was supposed to be her home.

"It's upstairs on the left." he answered. He watched her make her way to the stairs, his heart wrenched as he watched her climb them with slow uneasy steps. He continued to watch what, to anyone else would have been an everyday activity that took no thought at all. But he saw the focus that it took, making the small task appear equal to climbing a mountain. Once she finally disappeared up the stairs, he made his way across the hall.

* * *

He door opened and Carly stoodup as Jason entered. He had certainly looked better, she noticed, not for the first time, how the past days had affected him.

"Hey. Michael told me he saw Courtney. What happened?"

"Well, he came in looking for his book, saw her, hugged her, started asking all sorts of questions." he spoke placing his hands on his hips.

"What happened? I mean, how did she react?"

"She looked afraid, confused, you know, unsure what to do or say. She said it was fine, but..." he trailed off, knowing there was no need to continue. His friend gave him a quick comforting embrace before speaking again.

"Michael's going to want to spend time with her now that he knows she's back. I don't know how to tell him. I know he's smart and mature and understandingn when we have to tell him things, but this..." she shook her head slowly side to side. "How do you tell someone a person they love doesn't know who they are?"


	23. Represent The Ashes

**A/N: ** yay, sorry for the forever! but here it is again...don't know if i mentioned this before, but "betty" is taking leave of absence from writing with me...she's got stuff to deal with so i have taken it upon myself to continue

**Ch. 22 Represent the Ashes**

She stood in the hall for a few moments, afraid to face whatever lay behind the door. Taking a deep breath, Courtney pushed softly on the door and looked in at another chunk of a life she didn't know. Slowly, she entered the room.

The simplicity was the same as she had seen downstairs, only the barest of necessities including a large bed, dresser lamps and end tables. Despite what she told Jason, she didn't feel like sleeping. She stood by the dresser and looked at the frames that were displayed on top of it. Of the few there, most of them had Michael in them. She looked away from the smiling boy in the photograph and saw an open door along the wall that lead into the master bathroom.

The first thing she noticed inside was the large mirror behind the sink. Searching the wall, she found the switch and flipped it, bring up the bright lights. She stared at the stranger looking back at her. There were deep shadows under a pair of hollow, pale eyes. Looking into them, she wondered if she wanted to remember. Whatever she'd been through had obviously been something, or maybe her whole life had been some awful struggle. She had no clue, all she had to go on was what other people told her. She needed to rely on strangers for everything. Hating the thought, she placed her hands on the edge of the counter and leaned in, keeping an intense gaze on the reflection.

"Come on." she whispered to the reflective glass. "Come on, damn it."

She was waiting for something, anything, to come to her. Just the smallest hint of memory or recollection to tell her who she was. But nothing came; not even deja vu.

* * *

He sat in the leather chair behind the desk, admiring the reports of the latest move against Corinthos-Morgan. Everything was progressing beautifully. It had been all too easy to persuade the Scorpio girl to help him, all it took was dropping Morgan's name into the conversation and she had been all too willing to cooperate. He smirked at the file in front of him and took sip of his drink when the phone rang.

"Yes?" he answered, and was less then happy when he heard her voice fill the receiver. She may be a great help in his attack on Corinthos, but the woman was annoying to no end.

"There's a problem. A big one."

* * *

Jason came home to the still air of the penthouse. He assumed Courtney was asleep upstairs, so he decided to check on her. Opening the door to the room, he saw the outline of her form on the bed. He stepped further in until he was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her. Even in the dim shadows of the room, he could see the features on her face scrunch and contort as she dreamed. He knew she was having nightmares. He wondered if her nightmares contained any of what had happened to her. If maybe the answers he desperately sough were there inside her nightmares.

Morning came and the fresh rays of the new day crept into the room. Jason sat in the soft hair, eyes glued to the bed. He hadn't meant to stay all night, but a part of him feared if he left her side for a moment, she'd be gone when he came back. So he settled into the cushion and let the night tick by as he listened to her breathe. Unfortunately, her even, peaceful, breaths were few and far between as she spent most of her sleep tossing and turning.

Jason sighed and ran his hand over his tired face before he stood. Now that a new day had started, and he knew she'd slept, albeit restlessly, through the night, he was going to find the answers they both needed. And he knew where to start looking.


	24. Sparking Matches

**Ch. 24 Sparking Matches**

He came downstairs and looked around the living room. Everything looked the same as it was the day she'd disappeared, save for the pictures. He went to the closet and pulled a box from the shelf. Sitting himself on the leather couch, he

lifted the lid off the old shoebox and looked at its contents. After he'd cleaned up the mess he had made that day, he'd grabbed every picture he had of her and hid it away. It was too painful to look at, but he couldn't bring himself to throw them away either.

Other than that, everything , even her clothes, had been left in place. In a deep region of his heart, he held out hope she would come back. He got his wish; she was back. He picked up the framed one on top, feeling the weight of it in his hand, and admired the photo it held. He recalled the day it was taken. He'd joined Carly, Michael and Courtney in the park. They were sitting on the bench, his arm around her as she leaned into his chest. He remembered how Carly gushed about what a perfect moment it was and insisted on taking a picture.Sighing at the memory, he put the frame aside and continued to file through the box, knowing he put it in there. After a few moments he found it. 

He had no idea why he kept it, but he had. he'd reread it a thousand times and basically had it memorized. Grabbing the phone, he dialed an always dependable number. On another day, he might have been amused by the sleepy greeting.

"Stan, it's me. I know it's early but I need you to get on something right away. How soon can you get here? Alright." he hung up the phone, not bother to say goodbye.

Thirty minutes later Jason was handing the letter over to the man.

"Just see if you can get anything from it." he instructed.

"Alright, I'll let you know." Stan said, yawning and walking out. He closed the door behind the man as he heard footsteps behind him.. Turning around he was greeted by someone he didn't expect to see. 

"Morning." Robin greeted.

"Morning." he answered remembering the next he'd do was talk to her and learn everything that's been going on. "I didn't hear you last night."

"Yeah, you were a little distracted." she hoped the bitterness was not apparent in  
her voice. She couldn't help it. It had been hard enough to get him to sit and talk to her before, now that Courtney was back, it would be impossible. 

"We need to talk."

"About what?" she asked nervously.

"About the other night. What exactly happened the day you went to that hospital?"

"I told you." she answered quickly.

"I know but-"

"Hi." Robin spoke, happy to interrupt his interrogation. He looked at her questioningly before turning over his shoulder where she was looking. He saw her standing at the bottom of the stairs and his focus shifted instantly, as she guessed it would. 

"Hey." he greeted, his heart skipping a beat as he took in her appearance. It had been so long since he had seen her after waking up in the morning. "Did you sleep well?"

He wanted to kick himself for asking the question when he already knew the answer. He knew that she hadn't slept well at all, but his mind didn't seem to form anything for him to say. She nodded slightly to his question, she was lying. She didn't want him to know about her restless night.

"Are you hungry? Do you want some breakfast?" he asked, slowly regaining his thoughts.

"Sure." she answered quietly.

"Umm..There's really nothing to eat here, I'll go grab something. Will you be ok?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Ok, I won't be long."

Putting on his jacket, his first instinct was to kiss her goodbye. He barely caught himself before giving in to the habit. Instead he simply nodded and walked out. Outside in the hall, he momentarily leaned back against the door. He took a deep breath in and out before standing back to his full height and walking further away from the door, casting a glance back to the door.

* * *

An awkward silence settled in the penthouse and Courtney looked at the brunette, wondering if she was anyone of importance to her. 

"Do I…Should I know you?" she asked, letting the silence fade away.

"Oh. No. Actually we've never really met. Robin Scorpio." she said holding out her hand. Courtney looked at it for a moment before slowly grabbing and shaking it. "Well, uh, I have to make a phone call. Excuse me."

* * *

She left the blonde alone in the room and pulled out her phone. Finally, he picked up and she began speaking. 

"It's me."

* * *

The door opened and Carly entered. Immediately seeing her friend on the couch, she took her own seat on it, being sure not to sit too close. She didn't 

want her to think she was crowding or pressuring her. She simply wanted to talk to her.

"I thought you were Jason." she said honestly.

"Sorry, but he'll be back." She spoke the words the two had said to each other many times when it came to their men. 

"You're Michael's mom right? Carly?"

"Yeah, that's right." she answered. "I'm sorry about him and what happened yesterday."

"It's fine." she said looking down. Carly tilted her head and rested it on her hand, looking at her friend closely.

"Is it?"

Robin walked speedily into the room, eyes finding Carly.

"Great, when Jason comes home tell him I had to go out." she didn't wait for a reply before walking out the door. Carly looked at the door then back to Courtney.

"I'll be right back." she got up and went quickly into the hall, catching Robin before she could get into the elevator. 

"Hey!"

"What are you doing?" Robin demanded to know when Carly grabbed her arm to prevent her from leaving.

"What am I doing? What the hell are you doing?" she spat. "You come back to town, cry all over Jason, practically beg him to protect you from whoever is out there, and now you're just going to go out there where God-knows-what can happen?"

"Oh please.. Don't act like you care if anything happens to me."

"Damn straight I don't. But Jason wants to protect you for some unknown reason and I don't want to see him blame himself for not being able to." 

"God! Nothing is going to happen to me!" she said irritated.

"You say that like you know for sure." Carly replied, raising her eyebrow and crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Do you know something we don't?" 

"Yeah, I know I've got somewhere to be." she said sarcastically, taking the stairs to make a quick getaway.

"Ugh…I hate that woman." she shook her head and turned around to go back inside the penthouse. She shook away the negativity and returned inside.

* * *

She stopped when she didn't see her friend in the living room. She looked around for a second wondering where she had gone, when she heard a bang come from the kitchen and then another. 

"Courtney?" she called, rushing to the area. "Courtney?"

She heard her say her name as she opened and slammed yet another cabinet.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Carly asked.

"I was thirsty, I wanted some water." she replied keeping her attention on the cabinets, trying to control her frustration. "But I can't find the cups."

"It's ok." she said. She walked to the small, wooden door just next to the one Courtney had just opened, and pulled out a glass.

"No it's not." she admitted taking the glass from Carly. "It's not ok to not know where things are in my own home."

"It's not you're fault, you had no control over what happened."

"And what did happen?" she asked the woman.

"I don't know," she answered sadly. "We really don't know the details."

"So how do you know I had no control? How do you know I didn't bring this on myself?"

"Because I know, ok." she said trying to keep her tears in check. The conversation was pulling at all her emotional strings. She put her hands on her shoulders to emphasize her point by looking in her eyes. "I know you."

"No, " she pulled away from her touch. " You know her! You can't know me, nobody can. I don't even know me!"

Losing hold of her emotion, she grabbed the glass and hurled it at the wall. It shattered on impact and the remains fell to the ground as Courtney sank there as well, her head in her hands. Carly stood for a brief second before going to the woman on the floor.

"I'm sorry." Courtney whispered, lifting her head to look at the woman and allowing her to see the falling tears. "I'm sorry, it's just-"

"Shh…" Carly hushed her, before wrapping her arms around her, letting her own tears go.

The two stayed like that, neither speaking.


	25. Maybe It's Luck

**Ch. 24 Maybe It's Luck**

Jason stepped off the elevator with the paper brag crinkling at his side. Kelly's had been unusually busy for the breakfast hour. It seemed like forever before he was able to order the food and get out of there. He wasn't sure what to get, so he'd settled on their usual morning meal from the diner. What he wanted to do was sit down and talk. Answer any questions she might have. Let her know he was there if she needed him.

He opened the door and was surprised to see Carly on his couch. He placed the large bag on the desk and walked towards his friend.

"Where's Courtney?" he asked.

She kept her gaze fixed in the same direction and pointed. He followed with his eyes where she indicated and saw what was holding her attention.

"How long she been out there?" he asked, seeing the woman on the balcony over looking the city.

"Ten minutes, maybe more." she answered, keeping watch on the woman. She didn't want to look away, the penthouses were a ways from the ground floor and anything could happen. Especially with someone still getting used to being in their own skin. She didn't want to think about it.

"What happened?" he asked, knowing he'd missed something.

"You should talk to her." She could almost hear him nod from behind her. "Not about today. I mean you need to talk. I think she needs to know who she is and I think you need to be the one to tell her."

Jason sighed. He wanted so badly to just sit with her and tell every little detail. But he did not want to pressure her. The last thing he wanted was to have her push away from them. He felt stuck.

"I'll come by later." Carly said and got up to leave. "Oh, and Robin left a while ago said she'd be back. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll fall in a well."

Once she left, Jason looked back towards the now vacant balcony. He felt his heart stop and immediately jumped to conclusions.

"Hey." he heard her voice and saw her coming from the kitchen, he released a large breath and his heart started beating again.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Fine." she answered. "What took so long?"

"Sorry, it was busy."

"It's fine."

"What were you doing out there?"

"Thinking." she answered. "An-And I think...I know that I'd like to figure out all I can about my life."

"I'll tell you whatever you want." Jason replied, not exposing the happiness he felt at hearing her say that. "What do you want to know first? Where do you want to start?"

"What about what's in the bag?"

"The bag? Oh, the bag." he replied completely forgetting about breakfast.

She smiled at his less than smooth reaction to her comment. Upon seeing it, Jason felt himself smile for the first time in a long time.

* * *

"That out there is Wyndemere." Jason informed pointing at the building from the pier.

"Everything looked a lot smaller from the balcony." she said amused at the large building out on the water. Jason had begun to take her around the Port Charles. Unfortunately, nothing had sparked anything for her , but there were still places they hadn't been to. With any luck one of them would bring something back to her.

Jason let a smile come to his face for the second time that day while he watched her admire the view from the docks. His smile faded when he heard a familiar voice come from nearby.

"Listen, I'll have your money. Just give me some time." the man said.

"You've had enough time old man." the other spoke, angrily grabbing his collar. Jason walked over to the two men and intervened.

"Hey."he said getting their attention.

"I got no trouble with you man, this guy owes me."

"Get out of here." Jason ordered, throwing a wad of cash at the man. "And don't talk to him again."

The man happily obliged, taking off with the money. He turned to the older man left behind.

"You didn't have to do that. But thanks." he said to Jason, his breath smelling of alcohol.

"What are you doing Mike?" he asked the man he'd hoped to someday call his father-in-law.

"Just a bad choice that's all." he said. "I would've paid them eventually."

The older man rubbed his forehead, going over what just happened when he saw the blonde near the edge of the wooden planks. He felt himself panicking.

"Jason, you can't let her see me like this." he spoke desperately. "This is my last chance to be a good father."

"I don't lie to Courtney." Jason said, shaking off the man's pleads. He looked back and saw that she was now walking in their direction and he shook his head before looking back at the man. "I'm not doing this for you. Go."

"Thank you." he said and turned to leave.

"And Mike." Jason said. "make sure this was the last bad choice."

The older man nodded and took off, as best as possible without being seen. Courtney appeared at Jason's side and saw him looking in the direction Mike had taken.

"What's going on? Who was that?"

"No one." he answered, knowing it was for the best. He knew she was seeing everything and meeting everyone for the first time again and didn't want her first impression of her father to be that one. "It was no one."


	26. Hand Me Down

**Ch. 25 Hand Me Down**

"You have to help me." she pleaded to him.

"What would you have me do?"

"You're smart, can't you figure something out?" she said angrily. "She's back and he's deadset on finding out everything that happened."

"How is any of this my concern? You brought this on yourself by going where you shouldn't have." he replied.

"Yes, that was my fault. But you have to help me! If not, I'll go to Sonny and Jason about you."

"Your routine is getting old. You don't seem to see that this situation doesn't have to be as bad as you're making it." he spoke. The woman gave him a look that told him she had no idea what he meant. "This can go either way if you know how to work it just right."

"Ok, what do I need to do?"

* * *

They walked around Port Charles for most of the day. He told her what it was or what it was for as they went along from place to place. But to her disappointment, she felt nothing new as far as her life was concerned.

"That's the park." she heard him say, bringing her attention back to him. Surely enough they stood at the entrance of what looked to be a lush park. A small breeze came blowing from within the park. She felt a chill travel up and down her spine as it blew around her. "Do you want to walk through?"

She nodded at his question, and began walking along side him on the cement path. After a few steps forward an eerie feeling swept over her and she halted her footsteps.

"Are you alright?" Jason asked worried.

"You know, on second thought, I think maybe it's enough for today." she spoke. She had a feeling that something happened there, something bad. She'd have to face it, and she would, but not today.

"That's fine. Whatever you want." he answered, wondering if he'd tried to go through too much at once. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, I just-I want to relax for a little bit."

He nodded and they turned to go back to the penthouse.

* * *

"Just stay calm."

"I can't. This won't be good." Carly spoke frantically.

"It might not be as bad as you think."

"Sonny, how can you say that? You know that woman, her showing up will only be trouble."

"So we'll explain the situation to her. Tell her-"

"Come on, she won't care. She only cares about one person; herself. You think she'd think twice before trying to use this to her advantage? She will exploit this for her own good. She won't care who she hurts getting what she wants. Not even her own daughter."she ranted.

Sonny opened his mouth to speak when he heard a commotion in the hall.

"Get your hands off me you ape! I have every right to be here, and I'm going in so deal with it!" the irritating voice shouted.

Sonny opened the door and sat the loud woman demanding entrance into the penthouse across from them.

"Janine!" he said calmly, but firm enough to get her attention. "No one is home."

Changing directions, she charged towards him angrily. Halting directly in front of him, she glared into his eyes.

"Where the hell is my daughter?"


	27. Adding To The Noise

**Ch. 26 Adding To The Noise**

The ringing sound rose from inside his jacket pocket. he quickly pulled it out and answered it.

"Morgan." he greeted as usual.

"It's me." Sonny said hoping to be heard over the ruckus. "Where are you right now?"

"Just down the road from the penthouse." he spoke struggling to hear the man over the noise in the background. "What's going on?"

"Turn around, go somewhere else for a while." he suggested, walking into the hallway.

"Why? Sonny, what's going on?"

"Janine's here." he answered.

"How long do you think you'll need?"

"I don't know, Carly's giving her a piece or two of her mind right now."

"Ok, I'll give it some time."

* * *

"Alright." Sonny said before hanging up.

Even in the hall the shouts could be heard. The penthouse door doing barely anything to muffle the sounds. Sighing, Sonny walked over to the door and opened it.

"I will take my foot and-" he immediately shut the door again, slightly drowning out his wife.

He looked at Max and received a shrug of his shoulders from the man. Shaking his head, he opened the door and entered. While the door was open, Max got a small earful of the rant.

"...bring you a hell like you've never-"

The door closed and cut her off once more, and Max looked amusingly towards the penthouse admiring the bravery his boss had for willingly returning to the war zone. He knew Mrs. Corinthos had a temper to be reckoned with and it wasn't he saw himself intentionally facing anytime soon.

"You haven't seen the last of me. I won't let you keep me from my daughter." she threatened walking towards the elevator.

"No, we wouldn't dream of it. God knows you would do whatever it takes to be a mother. You would never put yourself before her or be selfish in anyway." Carly said sarcastically. 

"You watch your mouth you little twit. I can't for the life of me figure out why Courtney chooses to associate herself with you. I'm her mother, and she needs me right now."

"Are you even trying to comprehend what's going on?"

"Of course. I know exactly what's going on. She's as blank as that borg she lives with!" she announced then turned to Sonny. "I meant what I said. I hold you responsible for this."

* * *

"You sure you want to take the stairs? You said you were tired."

"The elevator is taking forever, and the sooner we get going the sooner I can lay down and put today behind me."

Jason looked at her questioningly, wondering what exactly happened that she was trying to put away. He knew something was off at the park, he wished she would tell him. For the moment, he could let it go and let her rest.

"Alright, we'll take the stairs." he said opening the door to the stairwell for her.

She entered, re-thinking her last statement and hoping he hadn't thought anything of what she'd said. She didn't want to talk about whatever it was she felt earlier, one reason being because she had no idea how to explain it, or what it meant. Then her mind refocused to the stairs ahead of her. There was still a lot she couldn't do well, and stairs were definitely still an obstacle. Shaking her head, she felt an animosity towards herself for her inferiority. She turned around and walked back out into the hallway.

"Never mind, we'll wait for the elevator."

* * *

"You did not just try to blame my husband for this." she warned.

"Come on. Your hubby here is the cause of most of my daughters problems. Other than you and that thug of course."

"Are you dense? You think you were some flawless mother figure?"

"You would know about bad parenting now, wouldn't you?"

At the insult, Carly lunged at the woman. Sonny barely held her back as she began a repeat of her thunderous verbal attack.

* * *

The doors slid open at they stepped inside. Jason pushed the button and sighed when nothing happened. The day had begun looking good, it seemed things were quickly falling downhill. First at the park, then Janine showing up. He could only hope that they had been gone long enough for Sonny to get rid of her. Now on top of everything the elevator wasn't working. He looked at the other occupant of the elevator, she was lost in deep thought. He could tell by the way she furrowed her brow, it was one of her many habits that he'd grown to know and understand.

Suddenly, the machine started with a rough jolt. The movement caught them off guard and Jason felt Courtney stumble into him, catching her before she could completely lose balance.

"Thanks." she said softly, looking into his eyes from her place in his arms.

"No problem." he spoke back, unable to look away or let go of her. She stayed in his hold, feeling a strange sense of comfort radiate from his touch.

The bell rang, and the odd peace she felt began to fade away. Before the doors had even opened, chaotic shouts could be heard. Courtney closed her eyes, realizing he still hadn't let go, she tried to get that feeling again. Whatever it was, it was the best she'd felt since she woke up those few days ago. She wanted to feel it again; no such luck.

"Get your hands off her!" a voice screeched.


	28. Take Me Under

**Ch. 27 Take Me Under**

"Get your hands off her!" a voice screeched.

She barely caught a glimpse of the woman it came from before she grabbed her hand and pulled her away from Jason and out of the elevator. Now in the hallway, the stranger embraced her tightly.

"Don't worry ,I'm here now." she said.

Courtney returned the hug awkwardly, assuming the woman meant something to her. Finally, she was released from her squeezing arms. She stepped back and cast a glance to Sonny and Carly, who were standing nearby. She didn't want to do this right now.

"It's been a long day. Maybe you can come by tomorrow." Jason suggested, and she silently thanked him for seeming to read her mind.

"That's not up to you is it? If my daughter wants me to leave, let her tell me."

"Wait, " Courtney broke in, "daughter?"

"Yes baby, " the woman smiled at her. "I'm your mother, and I'm here to take care of you."

"But Jason-"

"Don't worry about him. You're coming back home with me." she ordered.

"You're not forcing her to do anything." Carly said, not hiding the bite in her voice from the woman.

"What about my father?" she asked, taking the older woman by surprise.

"What about him?"

"Is he around here somewhere? Who is he?" the woman scoffed at her questions.

"Your father-"

"Mike." Sonny interrupted before the woman could voice her thoughts. Courtney's attention, as well as everyone else's, fell to him and he cleared his throat before going on. "Our father's name is Mike. You can meet him tomorrow if you'd like."

"Thanks."

"Fine, you can see him tomorrow." Janine said with an exasperated sigh. "But I want you to stay with me tonight. I've got a nice hotel room. It'll be great, I can tell you all about everything."

"I'd-I'd rather stay here." she spoke to her.

"Why on Earth would you want to do that?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"These people are low-lives. Dangerous low-lives!" she said, almost shouting.

"Sonny's my brother-"

"And it's too late to do anything about that now."

"How can you talk that way about your son?" she asked.

"Son?" she laughed. "Obviously you haven't been filled in on that little detail. God, no. That's your father's doing right there. I count my blessings it's his mistake and not mine."

"Ok, stop right there!" Carly interjected.

"No I won't stop! I made a huge mistake not stopping Courtney from coming around him the first time. Look what's happened! I'm not making the same mistake again. She needs to get away from this town and the people in it."

"The people in it are her family!"

"I'm the only family she needs. Her father's a no good, useless waste of space. You're husband is no better than the garbage they pick up on the side of the road, and don't get me started on the robot!" she ranted.

Courtney watched them continue to fight and bicker about her as if she wasn't even there. Carly and the woman, who she now knew was her mother, were shouting at each other. Sonny was trying to calm his wife down, and Jason was watching her.

She felt like she was in the hospital again. Surrounded by people who couldn't do anything to help. Watching chaos and emotional bursts because of her. It was the hospital all over again. The air was getting thicker; too thick to breathe in. She was trapped.

Jason watched, concern flowing over his features after noticing how pale she had become.

"Courtney?" he said in a voice only she could hear through the noise.

He approached her and realized how labored and shallow her breathing had become. He knew he had to get through to her, let her know he was there.

"Courtney, can you hear me?" he asked, looking into her eyes that appeared far gone. "Courtney?"

He felt his heart resume a normal beat when she looked at him and he knew she saw him. But his relief disappeared when she began to back away from him. Before he knew what was going on, she was in the elevator and the doors were in the process of closing.

"Courtney. Don't - Courtney." he called after her as the doors shut in his face. He banged his fist against the metal, causing a loud bang. "Damn it!"


	29. Crawling In The Dark

**A/N:** imagine my "whoopsie" when i realized that i labled the chapter numbers wrong...oh well, either way i'm updating so YAY!

**Ch. 29 Crawling In The Dark**

"Damn it!" Jason shouted, silencing everyone in the hall.

"Oh, God." Carly said, noticing her friends absence.

"Looks like she got smart and got away as fast as possible." Janine said.

Ignoring her, ran a hand through his hair and looked at Carly.

"Stay here, call me if she comes back."

"Of course." she nodded in agreement. He turned to leave when he felt someone grab his arm.

"No, you don't" Janine ordered.

She had no idea where she was going, but she didn't want to stop moving. She had to put as much space between her and the situation as she could. They were so involved in fighting about her they probably didn't even notice she was gone. Except Jason. He saw her leave, he tried to stop her. She knew if anyone cared that she was gone, it would be him. He seemed genuine, at least to her he did. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that she needed to breathe and she couldn't in that building.

Courtney stopped walking when she heard the sound of water. She looked at where her feet had absent mindedly taken her. She knew this place, Jason had brought her there earlier. Once again, she saw the large house sitting on the island out in the water. Windemere; that's what it was called. It was nice to remember something, even if it was something she'd only learned that day.

She was brought out of her thoughts at the feeling of a sharp object poking at her back. Courtney felt her body immediately stiffen up.

"Listen lady, just give me your money and I walk away; no one gets hurt."

"No you don't!" Janine ordered.

"Janine-"

"You're not going to run after her and drag her back here. That's kidnapping."

"Damn it, do you care about Courtney at all? Don't you understand she's vulnerable out there alone?" he shouted, shrugging her off and taking the stairs two at a time.

He knew she had a decent head start, but he didn't care. It was dangerous enough for her before when she knew there was always a looming danger and that she needed to be suspicious of anyone. Now she didn't even know who to be wary of. Jason knew he had to find her fast, before the wrong person did.

"Listen lady, just give me your money and I walk away; no one gets hurt." a voice said behind her.

"I don't have anything." she replied, honestly wishing she did so she could give it to him and he would leave.

After hearing her words, he removed the weapon from her back and she felt the chill of the blade as he now held it at her neck.

"You think I'm stupid? I seen you around. I know you got bucks." he said.

"I swear to God I don't have anything." she told him again.

"You shouldn't swear to God, honey, he doesn't listen." he whispered near her ear. "Now, if you don't got cash, I know how you can pay me."

She inhaled a sharp breath as he pulled a fistful of hair and used it to shove her up against the wall. Seconds after her back met the brick, he pressed his lips against hers. She pushed at him, but her efforts only irritated him. He pulled back and pressed the sharp steel against her throat.

"Don't make this messier than it had to be, hear?"

After the threat he returned to kissing her, but this time she felt him force his tongue past her lips. Desperate to get him off, Courtney bit down hard and he pulled away with a yelp of pain. Taking advantage of the moment, she pulled herself off the wall and tried to get past him. Her head snapped back as he grabbed her hair once more to keep her from getting away.

"You show me respect you worthless bitch." he emphasized the last word by bringing his open hand hard across her face.

The force was enough to turn her head, and she felt her cheek begin to throb and knew there would be a mark left. All the emotion she'd been feeling the past few days, since she woke up with no idea who she was, since she learned she would probably never feel complete again and no one could help her, all of it, came surging through her veins at that moment. Without having the slightest chance to control it, he fury erupted and came out in her forcefully shoving him away, with a strength she didn't have until then. Once she had the space between them, a fierce shout, familiar to a battle cry escaped from her as her fist connected directly to his face and was followed by a perfectly executed roundhouse kick.

He grunted as her foot smashed angrily into his gut, the air left his body and he crashed painfully to the ground. For a moment, she looked down at him, breathing heavily and with pure hate and viciousness in her eyes as she contemplated adding more to his beating. Once the moment passed, the adrenaline began to fade and she could only stare in wonder at what she'd done. How did she do that? Courtney didn't even know what she was doing until it was over.

She hear him move around and knew he would recover soon and be madder than before. If she was going to get away, now was the time. Quickly choosing a direction, she took off running. She didn't get far before colliding with another body, knocking them both to the ground. The man regained himself and pulled himself up to his feet but saw the cause of the spill was still down.

"Wow, you sure were in a hurry." he joked, and bent down to offer her his hand. "Here let me help you."

"Don't touch me!" she demanded, without looking up at him. "Stay away."

"I'm not going to hurt you." he said and tried once more to get her to accept his help. "Are you ok?"

"Fine. I'm fine." she shouted at the stranger. She was lying, she wasn't fine. Now that she was away from it, the full realization of what happened as well as what almost happened came to her. Without a warning, she felt him grab her by the arm and pull her to her feet.

"Are you sure you're- Jeez, you're shaking." he said after she was standing before him. She was looking down, and he was worried. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." she lied again.

"Obviously not. Look, I'm a doctor. Let me help, here look at me." he put his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. He felt the blood drain from his face as he saw her completely. He hoped it was the scarce amount of moonlight, or he was seeing things. But he didn't take the chance. "Alright, fine. You're fine, just...go."

After she felt him back off, Courtney took off running as speedily as she could once again. The man stared after her for a few moments in shock. It couldn't be her. It wasn't. Was it?


	30. If I Fall Along The Way

**A/N:** i have this posted over at LN and its easier to update there than here, so i'd farther along. but i've dedicated today to catching up over here! whoopie!

**Ch. 30 If I Fall Along The Way**

He shut the cell phone for the third time in under an hour. Once again it was Carly asking if he'd found her yet. Once again he said no and told her not to call unless Courtney had come home or there was an emergency. Each time the cell phone said it was her calling, he'd answer hoping she'd say Courtney was home and ok. He ran his hand over his face, ready to start pulling his hair out. Everytime he came up empty, his mind threw him into all sorts of scenarios; all of them bad. If the wrong person found her...

He couldn't think of it. They had too many enemies. Taglioti. Sandavol. Alcazar, though he hadn't been heard from in a while, he was still considered a threat. On top of all of that, there was talk that a relative of Roscoe's was looking to avenge his death.

Finally Jason stopped moving and tried to take a different approach by thinking before he acted any more. He tried to think of where they'd gone that day, where she might go. Most of those places he'd searched already. except a few, and one jumped out in his mind. He turned in the direction of the docks just as he felt someone crash into his chest. On reflex, he reached his arms out and caught them before they could fall to the ground.

"Courtney." he said, surprised that it was her who nearly ran him down. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Are you ok?"

"F-Fine." she stammered, trying her best to collect herself.

"You're not."

"I said I'm fine." she repeated, trying to pull away.

"Don't lie to me, please." he said holding her in a firm, yet soft grip.

"I'm not lying. I just-I had to get out is all." she explained. "Just get some air."

"Look, I know it was hard to deal with everything earlier with your mother. But you can't just run off on your own like -"

"The hell I can't." she interrupted. "I'm capable of handling myself; more so than I thought."

"Courtney, listen-"

"No, you listen!" she shouted. "Since this whole nightmare began, I've been surrounded by people; strangers. Strangers I should know but don't. And everyone, everyone, looks at me with eyes full of pity and it disgusts me. Everyone is so careful around me. Everyone is looking at me or treating me like a child." she paused, and let her voice soften. "Except you."

Jason stood before her, speechless. He had no idea what to say. At one time, not too long ago, he was able to say what she needed to hear. He could comfort her with the simple truth; that he loved her with everything he was. Now, when she needed him the most, he had no words.

"Not you." she said in a whisper. "Never you. Jason, you've been so kinda and patient and genuine. At least I thought you were."

"I was." he answered, finally finding his voice. "I am. I'd never lie to you, or push you in anyway."

He stopped for a second, feeling a drop of moisture fall onto his head. Jason looked up as more raindrops fell from the clouds. He could have laughed at the sick sense of humore the world seemed to have; especially when it came to him.

"You're saying...you wouldn't care if I never remembered? It wouldn't bother you?" she asked.

"I'm saying...I'm saying I'll be here. You remember or you don't, either way I'll be here." he reached out to touch his hand to her wet cheek, and she turned her head away and let out a bitter laugh.

"You'll be here? If I ask the wrong question or say the wrong thing? If I do something that I would have never even thought of doing before? You'll be here?"

"It doesn't matter, ok? Because, yes, I'll be here or there or wherever you need me." he reached our once again to touch her face, but this time she didn't pull away. Her felt her skin, cold and wet from the shower they stood in, and instinctively pulled her closer until he could feel her lips against his. the sweet lips he'd missed for so long. To him, the world disappeared when he kissed her, but it was still there. A roll of thunder sounded and Courtney abruptly pulled away from him.

"No, this is crazy. I love A.J."

He entered his office and sat down behind the desk. He put his hand to his face and rubbed his wrinkled forehead, thinking about what had happened on the way there. The woman by the docks. It was her. It was her and she didn't recognize him. It couldn't be her. A knock on the door pulled him back from his thoughts.

"Come in." he called.

"Hi. How was the conference?" she asked.

"Dull, but it has to be done. I'm just glad to be back in town. Now, is there something i can do for you?"

"Well, the night that you left there was a...situation with one of your patients." she informed.

"How serious?"

"She's gone."

"Who? What do you mean gone? Dead?" he asked the nurse.

"Oh, no. A man and a woman were here, they took her with them. The name in the files was Matthews." she watched him curiously as he froze and became white as a sheet. "There's more. The man, he said she didn't belong here. Do you know what he was talking about?"

He jumped up from his desk and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking her square in the eye.

"Listen to me Kathryn, I need you to forget about that. Forget about it all, and don't say a word about it to anyone."

"Dr. Price-"

"No buts. Listen to me carefully, as far as we're concerned, as far as the records are concerned, it never happened. You hear me? There was never a Courtney Matthews at this hospital."


	31. Still Frame

**Ch. 31 Still Frame**

"It doesn't matter, ok? Because, yes, I'll be here or there or wherever you need me." he reached our once again to touch her face, but this time she didn't pull away. Her felt her skin, cold and wet from the shower they stood in, and instinctively pulled her closer until he could feel her lips against his. the sweet lips he'd missed for so long. To him, the world disappeared when he kissed her, but it was still there. A roll of thunder sounded and Courtney abruptly pulled away from him.

"No, this is crazy. I love A.J."

"What did you say?" Jason asked, shocked at what he thought he'd heard. Her face told him she was just as surprised at him, if not more.

"I'm...not sure. It just came out." she said, nervously pushing her wet hair behind her ear. "What was that?"

"It was, uh, it was what you said after our first kiss." he said, feeling a smile threaten to appear as he thought about the night. "It was raining, we were fighting, and we kissed."

"Who's A.J.?" she asked.

"A.J. is..." he sighed, realizing how complicated everything was in their life. "A.J. is my brother, and-and your ex-husband."

She opened the door and burst into the apartment, hoping to see him. Hoping everything was better and he'd just forgotten to call her. But no one was there.

"Where are you?" Carly asked the empty penthouse.

She was doing her best not to call every two seconds. She'd been waiting at her place alone, going stir crazy, waiting for her phone to ring. However, if she had one wish, it wouldn't be for the call. She would want to see her two best friends waltz through the door, smiling and happy. Telling her she was being crazy, or how her plans never work and she shouldn't even bother.

A noise upstairs snapped her out of her thought. She ran up the stairs hoping to see one of their faces. She opened the door to the master bedroom and all but ran in.

"Court-" she stopped when she saw the woman. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here, remember?" Robin replied, matter of factly. Carly rolled her eyes, wishing the woman would disappear.

"What was that noise?"

"I just dropped something." she responded, wanting to quickly clean up the mess she'd made, before the woman saw. But Carly was faster than she thought. "It's nothing."

"Like hell, it's nothing." she spat angrily, picking up the shattered frame. Cautious of the broken glass, she pulled the photo out.

Looking at the paper that captured the happy moment between her two friends, she briefly forgot that there was any troubles in their life at the moment. For the moment they were perfect; a picture. But they weren't, she remembered how torn apart Jason was when they all thought that Courtney left. She'd come over one day to find all their pictures had been taken down. Though, she never actually thought he'd throw them out, she knew he had put them away.

"Where did you get this?" she furiously asked the brunette.

"I found it." she replied.

"How? By snooping through everything?" she asked, knowing Jason would probably put something he held dear somewhere safe. "Why did you break it?"

"It was an accident. I told you I dropped it." she lied. Robin was happy to see when she moved in that there were no pictures of the "happy couple" around. It was just something else that assured her she could get him back. That was before. Before the girl came back into his life. As if that didn't make things harder for her, but tonight she found not only did he have pictures of them together. He basically had a shrine to the girl. She'd never felt so angry before. It wasn't an accident that the picture was smashed.

"Bull. You expect me to believe that you had nothing to do with breaking a picture of your ex and the woman he loves?" she asked.

"Loved." Robin said, correcting her.

"What the hell are you talking about? You can't be dense enough to think he doesn't love Courtney." she said, laughingly at her.

"Just the opposite, actually. Unfortunately, I know that Jason loves Courtney. But that doesn't matter now."

"Why not? Because you're here to steal his heart away?" she asked sarcastically.

"Because the woman that came back, the woman that you and everyone sees now...isn't Courtney." she stated happily.

"You're crazier then I thought. Of course that's Courtney." she said, defensively.

"Wrong, it's a Courtney, sure, but it's not your Courtney." she answered, keeping her self-celebration inside as the power in the conversation transferred to her. "The person in that picture doesn't exist anymore. You know it, I know it, and Jason knows it."

"She does exist. She's there, and we're going to help find her. And when that happens, you won't have a leg to stand on."

"Now who's lying?" Robin retorted. " Jason knows what it's like to be in that position, and he's not going to push her to remember anything. He's not going to tell her that they had some fabulous love that was written in the stars. He's not going to tell her about the rock he put on her finger. Why? Because he knows it won't help. Nothing will. She's gone, and the sooner he realizes it and comes to terms with it, I'll be right there to help him through the difficult time."

Carly listened in awe to the woman's rant. She knew she resented Courtney and her relationship with Jason. But this was bordering on obsession. She felt she should tell Sonny or Jason about it, but they would probably just write it off as her hate for the woman. No, she needed more before she could go to them about her.

"So, what, you came to town hoping something like this would happen and you could work your way in?" Carly asked to keep her going. She had a feeling that Robin was reaching her slip. And when she did, she would be there to make sure there was hell to pay.

"God, no. And you're calling me dense? I couldn't hang around waiting for a miracle all the while watching her enjoy having everything that belongs to me. Sonny swore to always protect me. Jason was in love with me. Then one day, out of no where, there she is. 'Surprise Sonny. Guess what? Daddy couldn't keep it in his pants so here I am.' And it was that easy. She just shows up and claims to be Mike's daughter and everyone loves her. Did anyone even think it was a con? Was there ever a DNA test or something? No. Because she's Courtney. Saint Courtney, perfect to a fault, right?" she angrily continued.

Carly was starting to get worried, wondering just how unstable she really was.

"You're crazy." she said in disbelief at how volatile she was against her friend.

"Crazy?" she repeated. "No, that's not me, remember? I'm not the one who was in the nuthouse! I'm not the one put in the pretty white room! Screaming for help so loud that they had to drug me 'til I didn't know up from down!" she shouted. "I'm not crazy."

"Screaming for help?" Carly repeated, feeling her heart break at the thought of her friend calling for help and getting punished for it.

"Yes, screaming. 'Please. Let me out of here! I'm not crazy! I don't belong here! Let me go, blah, blah, blah.'" she mocked, remembering the sound of it. "God, it was annoying. I didn't think there were enough drugs in the world to ever shut her up."

Releasing all of that made her feel a lot better. Venting at the someone, she felt like a weight had been lifted. Seeing the look on Carly's face as she put one and one together, she knew she had gone too far.

"You were there." Carly accused. "You were behind this."

"N-No, I was just-" she stammered backing away as the other woman advanced threateningly.

"Don't try to deny it," Carly seethed. "It was you. It was you, and I'm going to make you pay, you psychotic bitch!"

not much journey this time...but perhaps a yay none the less?


	32. While The City's Still Dark

**Ch. 32 While The City's Still Dark**

"Ex-husband?" she repeated. " I have an ex-husband?"

"Yes."

"And he's your brother?"

"Yes." he said again. He was glad that something had come to her, but now he would have to explain about A.J.

"Who is he? I mean, maybe if I talk to him-"

"No." Jason interrupted.

"No?" she said. "But-"

"Courtney, it's not a good idea." he told her. He knew A.J. and this would be the perfect chance for his brother to manipulate her once again. Another flash of lightning tore through the sky. He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling the wet mess on top of his head. "We should get inside."

"Jason, what's the problem?" she asked, not moving. "Why can't I just talk to this A.J. guy?"

"Because..." he began."...Because he's not a good person."

"I-"

"Courtney." he said sternly, surprising her." Please let's just get you inside and out of the cold."

She saw the seriousness his features had taken on so she decided to let it go for now. He extended his hand and she took it, allowing him to lead her to his car. Once inside the black SUV, Jason looked at her. She didn't look back at him, just out the window as the drops slid down the glass.

"I'm sorry for snapping." he said softly. "It's just A.J...he did some bad things, a lot of them to you. He used you and manipulated you just for starters. He wouldn't think twice about taking advantage of this situation, and that's what he will do. I don't want you to be hurt anymore."

She listened to what he said. This A.J., his brother, was apparently bad news. But she felt herself getting angry, realizing the hidden meaning in his worries. He was afraid to let her near him because he'd try to take advantage of her. And he thought she was weak enough to let it happen.

"Do you understand?" he asked her.

"Yeah." she answered. "I understand."

He started the car and began the drive back home. Every so often, he glanced over at her. She just stared out the window as they rode in silence. He wished he knew what was going through her mind. He didn't know if he could call what happened a memory or simply an involuntary reflex. It began to rain down harder, and the wipers swayed from side to side as fast as they could, but it didn't seem to do any good.

"Can you see anything?" she asked, noticing the drastic change in the weather.

"Yeah, don't worry, it's fine."

"If you say so. I'd just prefer not to get lost." she said. Hearing her say that, Jason was reminded of their wreck in the snow. Driving to Sonny's cabin that night in the blizzard. It was a night that changed both of their lives.

"Don't think of it as lost." he said, smiling as he remembered the words he said to her that night. "It's an adventure."

"An adventure? What kind of-" she stopped mid-sentence as a piercing pain tore through her skull. Her hands flew to her head, as if they could stop it. Her ears began to ring and she felt another large nail pound into her brain. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing it to stop. But instead of the darkness that usually came when her eyes closed, she saw images.

They were driving. It was snowing.

"Ok, no street lights, no cabin lights. It's official...we're lost." she heard a voice say. It sounded like hers.

"No, it's an adventure." Jason said, smiling at her.

It hurt. The pain in her head was intensifying with each second.

Jason saw Courtney's reaction to his comment. Immediately she had his full attention.

"Courtney. Courtney, what's wrong? What's happening?" he asked, fear for her the only thing on his mind.

"It hurts!" she said, speaking through clenched teeth. Jason took a hand off the wheel and placed it under her chin. He turned her face towards him and she opened her eyes. "Jason?"

"Yeah. I'm here." he said, keeping his eyes on her.

"Watch out!" she shouted, hurting her head more with the sudden outburst.

Jason turned back to the windshield to see they had swerved into the other lane and directly into the path of an oncoming car. Putting both hands on the steering wheel, he veered out of its way. As he did, a loud bang rocked the car as a front tire blew out. Jason did his best to regain control of the machine on the slick asphalt. The breaks screeched against the pavement as the car swayed along the road.

"Hang on!" he shouted, realizing that he couldn't stop what was about to happen. He heard Courtney's scream as the car tumbled over the railing and down the hill.


	33. Somewhere Out There

**Ch. 33 Somewhere Out There**

Jason groaned as he began to come around. He could feel the ache in every part of his body as well as the wetness in his still soaked clothes.

'Good' he thought. 'Feeling something is good.'

He got confused, however, when he felt the drops of moisture falling on him. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking up at the dark sky as while the rain fell directly on top of him. He groaned slightly once more, rolling over and pushing himself up with his hands. Sitting up on his knees, he looked around. He was on the ground at what looked to be midway down the hill.

"Courtney!" he called, hoping she was nearby.

He seemed to be in decent condition for being thrown from the car, but he knew he couldn't rely on the same type of miracle to happen to her. His eyes searched frantically for the blonde, as he called her name again. Jason wandered further down the hill, all the while looking for the woman he loved. When he was closer towards the bottom, he could see it.

"I'm going to make you pay."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. What you think I said-"

"What I know you said. You admitted it. Even if you had a chance with Jason before, which you didn't, you're going to wish you'd never came back when he hears about this."

Robin crossed her arms defensively. This woman before her was definitely more trouble than she needed. Now, because she had been stupid, Carly knew about her hand in the whole event. Not only did she know, she planned on telling Jason. When she did, Robin was as good as dead. She hadn't believed for a second that Jason would ever actually harm her, let alone kill her, but she wasn't so sure about that anymore. She saw the way he acted around her, the way he spoke to or about her. It was different. Everything about him was different now, she changed him. Now, she feared that when Carly told him, he would want vengeance and nothing would stand in his way.

"He won't believe you." she said. "Everyone knows you hate me, they won't believe you."

"You're damn right everyone knows how I feel about you. But they also know I wouldn't lie about something like this. Face it, your done." she replied.

Carly turned to leave the room, planning to get a hold of Jason, but she stopped suddenly and turned back around. With quick steps, she returned to the brunette, reeled back and hit her as hard as she could, sending her to the floor. Smirking at her handy work, Carly left the room. Downstairs she got out her phone and dialed. This would most definitely be considered an emergency.

"Come on Jase, pick up."

"Oh God." Jason barely heard himself say once the car came to view at the foot of the hill.

He slid down the rest of the way to where the SUV sat against the thick trunk of a tree. He gaped at the visible damage. It barely resembled a car anymore. He looked at it for a moment, thanking God that it was the now vacant driver's side that stood crushed against the wood.

"Courtney!" he shouted, looking through the area that once held the passenger side window. She was still inside the car, not moving. In the dark he could see the blood covering a good part of her beautiful features. "Courtney, I'm here."

"Jason?" she groaned, slowly coming to at the sound of his voice.

"Thank God. Yes, I'm here." he said to comfort her. "I'll get you out."

"I'm sorry." she said, looking apologetically at him. "If I hadn't run off, this wouldn't have happened."

"Don't worry about that, ok? I'm going to get you out of here." he stepped back to examine the situation. "Ok, I'm going to try to open the door, alright?"

She nodded to him and reached out and pulled on the door, if it could still be called one. It didn't budge. He could see the metal was bent every which way possible, Understandable, he remembered the car rolling several times before everything went black. That must've been when he was thrown out. He pushed the aching in his body to the back of his mind as he used all of his strength to pull on the door once more. For all his best efforts, still the door never moved.

"It's stuck." he said, feeling defeated, failing when he was most needed.

He wanted to get her out as soon as possible, but even if he could, he didn't know if it was a good idea for him to do so. He didn't know how badly she was hurt, and him moving her might only make it worse. He needed a professional; they needed help. Jason heard the ring inside his jacket. Amazed that the phone managed to stay with him, he answered hoping it was someone who could help.

"Hello." he answered, struggling to hear over the static.

"Jason!" Carly shouted in relief. "Don't hang up, this is an emergency-"

"Carly! I found Courtney. But-"

"You did? That's great. I have to tell you-"

"Car-Carly! Listen to me. There was an accident. The car went off the road. I need you to..." he began to explain.

Carly pressed the phone to her ear, trying to make out his words. The static interfered bad enough she was barely able to tell he had started talking. It didn't matter because he needed to know.

"Jason? Jason I can't hear you." she spoke. "Jason, it was Robin. She was behind what happened to Courtney. She's crazy, Jason."

"Jas...ar...t...n...ra..." The various pieces were all that he could hear from her side.

"Carly? Car-" he stopped, hearing the beep signaling the call had been lost. "Damn it!"

"Did you hear me? Jas-Damn. He probably couldn't hear a word I said." she thought out loud.

"Of all the luck" the voice said behind her.

"Jason." he heard and approached the window again, realizing he had stepped away to try and keep the signal.

"I'm here." he reached his hand through the opening and placed it to her cheek. She let it rest there for a moment before placing her own hand over his.

"You're hurt." she said, noticing the open wounds on both his hand and face.

"I'm fine." he assured. Maybe he wasn't completely fine, but he did have a higher endurance for pain then most people. Even if he didn't he wouldn't let her worry about him at a time like this one. "How do you feel?"

"Probably as bad as I look." she answered, letting out a simple laugh only because she didn't know what else to do. Here she was: at night, in the rain, stuck in a totaled car. She really had no idea what to do. "Which I'm guessing is pretty bad."

"It's doesn't look that bad." he said, not wanting her to get worried or scared.

"Liar. I look like hell."

"No, you're beautiful." he said honestly. He was glad to see her smile briefly at his compliment. Jason watched her features once again become serious.

"Don't leave me." she pleaded, unable to keep her voice from shaking. She felt him squeeze her hand in assurance.

"I'm not going anywhere." he replied, feeling his heart break at her request. "You'll be alright. I'm going to call for help."

He pulled out the phone once more and dialed 911. When he pressed the button to connect it, another beep sounded and the words "No Signal" flashed across the screen.

"No signal." he repeated. "There's too much interference. I'd have to go up towards the road." he informed regretfully. He didn't want to leave her, and he knew she didn't want to be alone.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, there's no reception down here, and you need to get to a hospital."

"No." she answered quickly. "N-No hospital."

"Courtney, I don't want to argue with you but you need a doctor." he said.

"I'll be fine. I just need to get out of this thing." as she spoke she did her best to maneuver out of the seat, but found it impossible. The entire form of the car had been beaten and pounded in so many places, she was amazed that her seat was still as together as it was.

"You're stuck, and we don't know how bad you're hurt." he reasoned with her.

"I know, just...just go ahead."

"I don't want to leave you."

"I'll be fine, don't worry." she replied. "The sooner you get it done, the sooner we can go home."

"Ok, but I need you to do something. I need you to stay awake. Who knows how much blood you've lost already. So, just try to keep your eyes open. Can you do that?"

"Yeah, just be fast."

Jason leaned in through the open space and placed a quick kiss on her forehead. He knew it might be a bad idea, or it might have some sort of affect on her mission to remember, but at the moment he would risk it. He just couldn't turn away from her in the situation and not let her know how he felt. As quickly as he could he climbed up the slippery grass of the hill to get to the road. He slipped a time or two, and he was sure that his body needed a break after what he'd been through, but he wasn't going to stop. He couldn't do anything last time she needed his help and he wouldn't let her down a second time.


	34. Cut Up Angels

**Ch. 33 Cut Up Angels**

Sonny walked into the penthouse, hoping to see his wife and hear good news. Not only did he not know where his sister was, but he hadn't heard anything from Jason since he left earlier. He'd held back on calling him, but doubted that he could do so for much longer.

"Carly." he called to the room. It was pointless though, he knew she wasn't there. He could always tell when she wasn't there. He could always tell when she wasn't there. Plus, sitting and waiting had never been and would never be Carly's style. Especially when it came to her family and loved ones being in any sort of trouble.

Sighing, he walked out of their home and across the hall. Easily opening the door, knowing it wouldn't be locked. Jason always kept it open in case he was needed right away. Walking in, he turned the lights on and his body froze.

"Carly!" he shouted, rushing in. He knelt beside her and gently tried to rouse his wife. His mind raced. He remembered Lily. Lily and his baby. The car. The explosion. Not again. It couldn't happen again. His heart resumed beating when he saw her eyes flutter open.

"Sonny?" she said, and he released a small smile nodding. "Bitch."

"What?" he asked surprised.

"Oh, not you sweetie." she said using his hand to pull herself up. "Robin."

"Robin? Robin did this?"

"I was trying to call Jason. She came behind me. I turned around, and that's all I remember before now."

"Why would-" Sonny began to ask.

"It was her!" she interjected, remembering why she was calling her friend. "She's crazy, obsessed. Sonny she put Courtney in that place."

Carly watched as her husbands eyes darkened with rage, and she knew that this was the side of him that was all business. This was the side that only appeared when someone tried to hurt him or his family and needed to be taken care of.

"Where is she?" he asked in a growl.

"I don't know, I..." she trailed off, suddenly feeling lightheaded, she swayed a little. This didn't go unnoticed by Sonny.

"Come on, we're going to the hospital." he informed, the gentle tone returning to his voice.

"I'm fine, it's just a little bump on the head."

"Then let the doctor say so."

Carly sighed, giving in, and they walked out the door and into the elevator.

"Sonny, what about Robin?"

"Just hurry." Jason finished the rock conversation. The rain had let up a bit, so he was able to connect the call once he reached the road.

Their only problem was that the operator told him he needed to flag down the ambulance. To do that, he would have to stay up there until they arrived. With the roads the way they were, he had no idea how long they would take. He couldn't leave Courtney alone. He promised he wouldn't.

Jason looked down the dark road as a pair of headlights approached. He thought about how quick that was, but then realized that he hadn't seen any flashing lights or heard any sirens. So he knew it was not who he was waiting for, but it could help anyway. Holding his arms in front of him, he stood out in the road until the car came to a halt. Relieved that they actually stopped, Jason ran to the driver's door as they rolled the window down. He was surprised at the face he saw, but decided it was better than nothing.

"Jason, what the hell happened to you?" Robin asked, getting out of the car and seeing the blood on him.

"I need your help." he said, getting straight to the point.

"Anything, what is it?"

"It's Courtney." he said, too involved in thinking about her to notice the change in the woman before him when he said her name. "There was an accident, she's stuck in the car."

"That's awful." she lied. "What can I do?"

"I need you to stay here and wave down the ambulance. I'm going back down to her, she's hurt and needs to stay conscious." he told her and turned to go back to the blonde.

"No." she shouted when he turned to leave.

"No? Robin, we don't have time to mess around. Someone has to stay with her."

"I know. But when the ambulance gets here, they'll need to know about her condition and background. You know that kind of stuff, I don't. So you wait and I'll make sure she's alright." she explained.

Jason sighed. She had a point. One he didn't like, but it was there. He knew the kinds of things that had happened to her since she arrived in Port Charles, and she had told him just about everything from her past as well. It could be useful. He wanted to be the one with her, but he was going to think about what was best for her.

"Fine. Be careful going down. Don't move anything and just...just try to keep her awake." he ordered.

Robin nodded and carefully made her way down. It was easy to follow the trail of damage the car had made on its trek downward. She thanked God for keeping Jason in good condition. Finally, she reached the wreckage.

"This is too easy."


	35. Trapped In A Box

**Ch. 35 Trapped In A Box**

She was trying. Trying to do what Jason asked her; trying to stay awake. She didn't know exactly how long it had been, but to her it felt like too long. She fought against it, as the weight of her head began to feel too heavy for her neck to hold up. Had it always been so heavy? A rustling sound signaled that someone was approaching. Courtney lifted her head to see, hoping it was Jason. She didn't want to be there anymore.

"Jason?" she asked.

"Not exactly." Robin answered, appearing to the woman.

"What are you...doing here?" she asked, taking a few breaths in the middle of her question. Everything felt like it was getting harder. "Where's Jason?"

"The road." she answered, eyeing the woman's predicament. "Quite the situation you're in, isn't it?"

"Accident." she answered, trying to keep everything that took energy brief. She wanted to focus on staying awake. "I need Jason."

"He's busy."

"He said he'd be quick." she said, not liking the vibe she was getting from the brunette. "Promised he wouldn't leave me."

'How sweet.' Robin thought to herself in disgust. It was all she could do, not to speak her sarcasm out loud.

"I'm supposed to help you; talk to you. Well, how about we talk about Jason?"

Jason grew impatient waiting for them to arrive. How long did it take? Didn't they realize someone needed help? That if they weren't fast enough that person could-

"Damn it." he said to himself, mainly to stop the thought from completing. He needed to be with her, telling her it was ok; she was ok. Not pacing by an empty road.

An idea popped into his head as he looked at the car still on the asphalt. He quickly made his way over to it, hoping that Robin had left the keys in it. Fortunately, he saw the metallic objects inside, still in the ignition no less. Whispering a thank you to no one in particular, he turned the key and set the headlights on their highest setting. Knowing this would get anyone's attention, he anxiously and recklessly ran back to Courtney.

On the way down, he quickly noted the shade of the sky and wondered just how long they'd been there. Once again, Jason arrived at the place of what was once his automobile.

"Jason." Robin said, obviously surprised to see him. "What are you doing?"

The man ignored her and immediately put his attention on the blonde. His heart slowed, almost stopping completely he was sure.

"What happened?" he asked frantic.

"I was talking, like you said, trying to keep her awake, and she just passed out." she explained. It wasn't a complete lie. She had passed out not too long ago, but it probably didn't help that what she was saying to her wasn't exactly what one would call encouraging.

"Courtney? Courtney, wakeup. Listen to me, open your eyes." he ordered, caressing her facial features as he tried to rouse her. His mind races as he thought he saw more blood then he had before. She would be ok, she had to be ok. For his sanity, for his heart, for his life, she had to be ok.

His ears perked at the all too familiar sound of sirens, and for once he was glad to hear such a sound. Soon they stopped and in their place he heard a voice.

"Somebody down there?" a man called.

"Down here!" he called back, not bothering to mask the desperation in his voice. "She-she's stuck, she needs help! Hurry!"

"Hey." the dark haired man greeted as he walked into the room.

"Hey yourself." she replied.

"What did the doctor say? Everything alright?" he asked as his wife finished changing.

"I told you, just a bump on the head." They were walking towards the elevator when he started talking again.

"You know you and Michael are the most important thing in my life."

" Of course I do."

"I don't-I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, either of you. There is nothing that matters more to me...than our family."

Carly looked into her husband's whiskey colored eyes. She knew exactly how he felt. Sonny held family over everything else. So maybe she shouldn't wait to tell him. Sure a hospital wasn't the most romantic setting, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he knew, right?

"Sonny, there's something I have to tell you." she began.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Nothing's wrong." she assured. "It's just...I'm...we're..."

"What? Whatever it is, you can tell me." he said, and she took a deep breath.

"I'm p-"

Before she could finish, the elevator doors opened and a crowd of people rushed out. Nearly getting run over by the traffic, Carly instantly recognized her friend amidst the chaos.

"Jason?"


	36. Reasons To Live

**Ch. 36 Reasons To Live**

The men descended the hill, quickly yet carefully bringing down the equipment needed. They reached them rather quickly, but still not fast enough for Jason's liking.

"Hurry." he requested as the men approached. While one of them was doing what it took to get her out, the other was doing a brief check on her, making sure she was at least alive, he asked him her name, he wasn't sure how, but he managed to tell them "Courtney."

"Courtney, can you hear me?" he asked, and grabbed her hand gently. "Courtney, if you can hear me I need you to squeeze my hand."

Jason watched anxiously as nothing happened.

"Courtney, it'll be ok." Jason told her.

"Whoa." the man said surprised at the slight twitch from the hand he held. He looked to Jason." Say something else."

"What?" he asked.

"In some cases a loved one is the only one who can get through, keep them hanging on. It looks like this is one of those cases. Ask her to squeeze my hand as hard as she can." he demanded.

Jason didn't question the man, but did what he said. Asked her to squeeze as hard as she could. The man felt a slight squeeze, barely anything, but it still happened.

"Bingo." he said and pulled Jason towards him placing her hand in his. "Keep talking to her, let her know you're here."

After what seemed like forever, the paramedics were finally able to remove Courtney from the wreckage and get her on the way to the hospital. Jason rode in the ambulance, not only because he no longer had his car, he needed to be with her. He promised he wouldn't leave. He did all he could to stay close but and out of the way at the same time. Holding her hand all the while. Now that she was at last out of the car, he could somewhat see how bad it was. There was so much blood, and from what he could see it appeared to be coming out of everywhere.

He was so lost with worry about her that he didn't even notice Sonny or Carly as they passed them in the hospital. Once in the ER, they were joined by Monica and she was quickly filled in. It was when the time came for Jason to let go that he had a problem.

"Sir, you have to wait here." one of them told him, but his hold on her hand didn't falter.

"I need to stay with her."

"Jason." his mother began.

"I promised her I wouldn't leave. She didn't want to come back here. I can't leave."

"You'll be here, Jason. I know you want to stay with Courtney, but you have to realize that we are wasting valuable time on this." she said and took note of his appearance." Get yourself checked out, I'll take care of Courtney."

Jason nodded, knowing it was for the best. His grip loosened as the gurney was wheeled away. Breath caught in his throat as he felt her fingers slip away from his. He was left standing there, looking in the direction they'd gone.

"I'm right here." he said softly, imagining that she could hear him.

"Jason, what-what happened?" Carly asked her friend who appeared to have been to hell and back.

"Car accident." was all he could manage.

"Oh God, how-how bad?" she asked and was grateful that her bewildered friend's words had returned to him.

"We were driving, it was raining, then she-she cried out, said her head hurt. I took my eyes off the road..." he trailed off, seeing everything playback in his mind. "The car...the car went off the road, rolled down a hill."

Carly stood in shock, absorbing everything. So much was going on, and she feared that it may only get worse. She looked at her silent husband and then to her dishelmed friend.

"Jase, you should see a doctor." she suggested, wanting to ensure at the very least, his physical health.

"I'm fine." he answered as she suspected he would.

"Jason-"

"I'm fine Carly." he repeated. "Courtney...you didn't see, the car...they had to cut her out. She was stuck and I...it should have been me."

"You can't think that way." Sonny tried to help. But he knew it was useless. If it were him, if it were Carly he'd be doing the exact same thing; blaming himself. Wishing above everything else to switch places with her.

"I took my eyes off the road." he said, placing the blame where he believed it belonged.

"Don't. You've been through a lot tonight. Just make sure you're ok. We won't know anything for a while and you don't do Courtney or anybody else any good if you're hurt." she tried to convince him.

Jason agreed, only so he would have something to do other than sit and wait helplessly.


	37. Make A Move

**Ch. 37 Make A Move**

Time seemed to pass in years even though he knew in reality it wasn't more than an hour or so. Jason was sitting in the waiting room. Doing just that; waiting. He felt slightly better physically since he followed everyone's advice and got checked out. He had basically forced the doctor to inspect him there in the waiting area. Refusing any treatment otherwise.

A few stitches and bandages later, and Jason was left wondering what was happening to her. He didn't care what anyone said, he knew the truth. It should've been him. Stuck in the wrecked metal, and now on some table being poked and prodded.

Jason hopped to his feet, as did his two closest friends at the sight of his mother approaching. The solemn look on her face spoke volumes to him before she even opened her mouth.

"I'm sorry." she began.

He heard no more after those two words. He saw her mouth moving as she went into the detail, but he couldn't hear a single word spoken. He didn't pay attention to Carly as she broke in her husband's arms, nor Sonny as he tried to keep his own emotions at bay. All he saw was her face. The way her eyes danced when she smiled. This couldn't be happening.

Finding control over his feet, Jason angrily shoved past Monica. Taking long, quick strides toward the OR, he ignored the protests from all around him. In a few short seconds, he stood in the doorway of the room. Crossing the threshold, he scarcely heard himself order the remaining medical personnel to get out.

They didn't argue as they left the room, almost running out. He stood before the operating table, his mouth and throat desert dry. The first thing he was able to register was her red stained clothes cut away, a result of the doctors attempt to help her. Jason instantly shrugged off his jacket and gently placed it over her.

Adjusting the leather material several times, he made sure she was covered. His eyes flicked up to the black screened monitor that should have displayed the steady beat of her heart. But it didn't. They had turned it off. He didn't understand, she was right in front of him; she wasn't gone.

Sleeping. She was just sleeping. Any minute her eyes would open. Any minute. But he knew, as he looked at her still chest, that it wouldn't happen. He continued to stare at her chest, willing it to resume the natural rhythm of up and down. It didn't obey. His eyes then traveled up to her face. Quickly, he got up, grabbing a nearby sponge and wetting it. He brought it to her soft face and wiped away the dry crimson, revealing her beautiful features.

Setting the sponge down, Jason then grabbed hold of her hand with his shaking ones. He was taken back by the chilling temperature it was. Then he remembered not only had they been outside all night, it had been raining. He didn't know how, but his voice returned to him as he held her freezing hand.

"You're cold." he stated, before rubbing his hands up and down on the coat to generate heat. "That better? I told you we should get out of the rain. I didn't want you to get sick."

Silence.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't save you the first time you needed me too, and look what happened. I failed again."

Silence.

Any other day, Courtney would have denied him fault. Told him that he couldn't control everything that happened, or that he did all he could and that was all she could ever ask from him. But she couldn't now. Because it was true.

"I need you." he whispered, his lips trembling slightly. " I need you so much. Please, open your eyes. Come back, please."

He waited; nothing happened.

"Come on. I know you're stubborn, but just this once…just do what I ask without questioning it. Just listen to me." He paused feeling himself break. "Listen to me!"

It was then he heard the door open. He turned his head to see the trio from the waiting room and some orderlies. He knew what they wanted. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't.

"Jason-"

"No." he interrupted sharply. "I'm not leaving."

"Jason, I know this is hard for you. But we have to take the body t-"

"Courtney." he said through his clenched jaw. "She's not a body, it's Courtney."

"I'm sorry, Jason. I know how much you cared for her, but she's gone." she tried to reason with him.

"Sonny, you can't let them talk that way about her. You can't let them take her away." he looked to his mentor for support.

"Look man-" Sonny began to speak to his breaking friend.

"What's wrong with you? She's still here. If she weren't…it doesn't matter, because she's not gone." he said, surely convinced that he wouldn't be able to breathe if she was truly gone forever. "I'm not leaving."

He didn't know how it happened, but Sonny, along with the orderlies Monica brought with her, were all but dragging him away from her. He fought against them, until he saw Carly slowly and tearfully lift his jacket from the table. After that, he simply began to flail and shout at the crying woman, releasing all his strength into it.

"Carly, don't! Put that back." he shouted. "She's cold, Carly. Don't let her get cold!"

Then, before he knew what happened, he was back in the waiting room. It confused him for a second before the realization came to him. A dream; a nightmare. Jason saw Sonny and Carly in the same position as they were before; the blonde woman leaning her sleeping head on his shoulder. He breathed a sigh of relief. It was ok. For the moment, she was ok.


	38. The Fuse In The Ammunition

**Ch. 38 The Fuse In The Ammunition**

He took a deep breath, approaching Monica, and fearing his nightmare was about to come true.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Lucky," she said, and Jason felt the relief flow through him and she continued. "Nothing was broken; there was some internal bleeding but we were able to stop it. She lost a lot of blood-"

"Do you need some? I don't know if our types match, but-" he began to rant.

"Jason, there's no need for that. Our main concern is her head."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing as far as we know. Once she wakes up we'll do some tests to determine if there's anymore damage to the brain."

"Do you know how long that'll be?"

"I'd expect her to be out for several hours." she informed.

After she told him the room number, he thanked her and she went on her way. Jason ran his hand down his face. He felt himself begin to relax after hearing that she was ok. He wasn't allowing himself to think about what would happen if there was something wrong with her brain. He prepared to enter the room carefully, remembering once more the nightmare that felt so real.

"Jason," he turned at the sound of his name and saw Carly behind him. He wished he could ignore her and just go inside to be with the woman he loved, but , as usual, he was going to listen to whatever she had to say and deal with whatever mess she'd made.

"What is it?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Can it wait?" he asked hoping she'd say yes.

"No, it really can't." she answered. "Jason, Robin she-"

"Stop." he interrupted. "Carly, I've got more important things on my mind then listen to you complain about Robin."

"I swear this isn't a rant about that worthless, backstabbing…"she trailed off at the knowing look on his face. "Ok, that was a rant. But-"

"Carly, please not now, if anything I should thank Robin."

"What?" she asked shocked.

"If Robin hadn't come along when she did-" he began to explain.

"Jason, it's because of Robin that Courtney doesn't remember!" she snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

"She said some things…things she couldn't have known otherwise."

"What kind of things?" he asked, feeling the need to know.

"Things about doctors and drugs and…" she trailed off, remembering the part that cut her the deepest. "…and Courtney screaming for help."

She saw Jason's eyes darken with anger. At that moment she wondered how many people had looked into those eyes during their final moments of life. She knew that Jason didn't enjoy that part of his job, he didn't do it for the sheer pleasure of ending lives. He did it because he had to. But in that second, Carly was absolutely sure that Jason would find no greater satisfaction then killing that woman.

"Where's Sonny?" he asked, coldly.

"At home; he got a call."

"Stay with Courtney." he instructed and walked away without another word.

Carly went inside the room and sat by the bed. She thought about all the ways their family had suffered because of Robin. But she wouldn't win; they would find their way back and Robin would pay. There was no question of that, the only question was: who would get to her first? She shook thoughts of vengeance out of her head and looked at her sleeping friend.

"Can I tell you something? Don't let Sonny know I told you first. It's still kind of a secret." she smiled.

"I'm pregnant.


	39. First It Giveth

**Ch. 39 First It Giveth**

"You find her and you call me as soon as you do." he ordered

into the cell phone. "No. Listen to me, no one touches her. You got that?

She's mine."

Jason slammed the phone shut and burst through the penthouse door,

finding exactly who he was looking for. The dark haired man was on the

phone, so Jason waited impatiently for him to finish. He found himself pacing around the room while pumping his fists up and down, trying his best to keep it

together.

Sonny noticed his friend's actions and knew right away that Carly must

have told him. He quickly ended the call and walked to the wet bar, which was fully stocked as usual, and poured himself a drink.

"I take it you know?" Sonny said before taking a sip.

"You knew?" Jason asked angrily. "You…How long have you known?"

"Carly told me before we went to the hospital."

The younger man began to pace once again, running his hand through

his light hair. It was all hitting him; taking full affect at once. He felt his

blood begin to pump faster and faster as the anger began to cloud his mind. All he could see was red.

"I'll…" Sonny began, knowing something had to be said before Jason exploded

within himself. "I'll get someone to take care of -"

"No!" Jason shouted. "I'll do it."

"Jason, it's personal for you. Way too personal for either of us."

"Damn straight it's person. She lied to get close. She had Courtney locked

away; her life was stolen from her. God knows she was probably in that place

the entire time; having her mind played with for months. She's dead…tonight!"

Jason announced, and looked his Sonny straight in the eye, seething. "And I'm going to be the last thing she sees."

Without another word, Jason turned and walked out, slamming the door fiercely behind him. He was not going to let the person that not only hurt, but basically destroyed the woman he loved. She wouldn't die; he would make it last.

He would first do it to get the answers he wanted. After that he would just

keep going until she begged for death. There was no doubt about it that Robin Scorpio would suffer to her last breath. And he would be make sure of it.

"Come on. Come on." she spoke into the phone, trying to calm her nerves. "Answer the damn phone!"

Her demand went unanswered, and the phone went to voicemail yet again. She didn't bother to leave a message, she'd left so many already. Why wasn't he answering? A part of her wondered if he was just leaving her out to dry. She was sure that Carly had told everyone by now what she knew. He wouldn't just leave her hanging would he? After she had done her part in their partnership? No, he wouldn't do that. He wanted to help her. He said so.

"Damn it!" she shouted after she picked up his voicemail once again.

"What's wrong?" a voice asked. Robin knew the voice. It sent an array of shivers down her spine. She didn't want to turn around, for fear that as soon as she did, it would be the end. So she just stood there, frozen by her fear, until the voice spoke again. "Turn around."

Swallowing hard, she did as he said and came face to face with him. The icy steel she saw in his eyes turned the shivers in her spine to piercing needles. She was barely able to register anything other than the penetrating gaze before her.

"J-Jason." she stammered nervously. "Jason, I-"

"Shut up." he commanded in a sharp tone, and she immediately did so. "I know what you did."

"I don't know what Carly told you but-"

"Stop." he interrupted again.

At her silence, Jason reached behind him and pulled out his gun. He looked down at it and casually stepped closer to Robin. His eyes flicked up to hers and he saw, as he had hoped to, the fear etched in her face as she stared at the weapon in his hands.

"You're going to tell me everything I want to know. Exactly what you did, why and how. Anything I ask." he informed her as she backed away from him slowly, still staring at the gun. Soon her back hit the wall and she had no where to go.

"Don-Don't do this." she pleaded. Jason ignored her and stepped closer.

"I know you couldn't have done this on your own. Who are you working with?" he asked. She didn't answer and he continued. "You have three seconds."

"Jason, I don't know what you want from me." she lied, hoping to still preserve some small piece of innocence.

"You don't think I'll do this? Look in my eyes and tell me you don't believe I'll do this." he demanded, she opened her mouth to speak but shut it when Jason reached out his empty hand and put it against her shoulder, keeping her pinned to the wall. "You hurt my family, you die!"

She tried to look anywhere but his eyes. Anywhere but those orbs drenched in pure animosity. A hate completely meant for her. She could only avoid it for so long, until she found herself staring right into them. She knew he could do it. But all her mind could come up with was to convince him not to kill her.

"Jason-"

"One…" he raised his gun and placed cold metal barrel hard against her skull.

"Don't."

"Two…" he clicked off the safety and pushed the firearm harder against her forehead.

"Ok, ok!" she gave in. "I'll tel-tell you."

"Talk fast." he demanded, staying in place.

"Please, put the gun away first."

"Talk!" he shouted. Jason waited for her to give him an answer. He was positive she was just about to speak when he felt something stab into the back of his head. A gun.

"Let her go." a man said behind him. Jason did not move, and the man spoke again. "My employer insists that you let her go."

"Your employer?" Jason asked holding his position. So whoever she was working with had a few people under him.

"Yes, he's aware that losing your own life is of no great consequence to you, and instructs that if you do not release Ms. Scorpio, the girl will die."

If it was possible, Jason's anger rose even more at the threat to Courtney's life. But even so, he put it aside and did what he had to, to ensure her safety. He lowered his gun and held his hands in the hair, showing his conceit. Robin looked down at the floor, avoiding his gaze and walked by. He figured it was best not to let the man know when he was looking at him, so he waited until he heard their footsteps begin to fade until he turned around.

He caught a brief glimpse of him before he disappeared. Jason wanted to follow and figure out exactly who this 'employer' was. He was able to take a single step before a ring rose from his jacket.

"Morgan."

"Jason, its Carly. Get to the hospital."


	40. Welcome To Hell

**Ch. 40 Welcome To Hell**

He stood in the hallway, just outside the room, listening intently to the woman before him as she explained the reason for her urgent demand when she called him earlier. He hadn't known what to expect, all he knew was that he got to the hospital faster than he could ever remember getting anywhere.

"So I called you. I figured you would be the one who could calm her down." she finished.

"Ok." he nodded, unsure what else to say. "Thank you."

Carly placed her hand on his shoulder in a supportive gesture, and he thanked her with his eyes before he turned to enter the room. It looked the same as it did the last time he was in there. Jason sat down in the chair that remained next to the mattress and observed. He thought about the story Carly told him; that she had come back to the room to find Courtney trying to get out of the bed. Before she had been able to stop the escape attempt, she had already torn some stitches. Even then she wanted nothing to do with the doctors or the hospital.

She stirred for a moment before waking completely in front of him. Jason said nothing at first until he saw her attempt to pull the I.V. needle from her arm.

"Hey, hey." he said softly, taking hold of her hand in his and stopping her actions. "Don't do that."

"I have to get out of here." she spoke, and tried to pull her hand from his, but his grip held fast.

"You have to stay." he informed. " At least for a day or two. Monica wants to make sure you're ok. They're going to do some tests-"

"No!" she interrupted. "No more doctors, no more tests, no more questions. I can't be here. I need to go."

"Courtney, you have to calm down." he instructed.

Her eyes met with his and his breath caught for a moment. He saw the anger and determination dwelling in the deep orbs before him, that much he expected. What he hadn't expected was when those emotions vanished and only one was visible.

Fear.

"Do you-Do you remember what happened?" he asked her. In an instant, as quickly as it arrived, the fear disappeared and she was angry again. More so than before.

"Yes. I remember." she said spitefully. "I can remember just fine. The car went over a God damn hill. See, I remember!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" he trailed off. He hadn't meant to imply that he didn't think she would. He just wanted to make sure she knew why she was there. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Forget it." she suggested angrily and looked away from him.

An awkward silence settled upon them and Jason shifted uncomfortably in the seat. He had not done a good job of keeping her calm and convincing her staying was for the best. He really wasn't the right person for the job anyway. Who was he to tell someone to stay in a hospital or trust doctors? In fact, any and every time he ended up in the hospital, he had also made a point of getting out as soon as possible. Even if it was against the doctors orders.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered. "You can let me get the hell out of here"

" That's not up to me."

"Then find whoever it is 'up to!'" she shouted at him.

He nodded, and , after deciding he was doing more harm than good, got up to find Monica. He stood outside the door for a moment and heard her loud curse followed by the bang of the small food tray as it was thrown against no particular target within the room. He definitely hadn't done a good job at all.

She entered the well-sized room, and immediately saw him standing near the window looking down upon the city. Robin knew she owed him the largest the largest and most sincere thank you in human history. But she also knew that he did not stop Jason from killing her out of the goodness of his heart. He wanted something in return.

"Ms. Scorpio." he greeted. "I see you've, once again, gotten yourself into a mess that needed my intervention."

"Thank you for saving my life." she offered. "But.."

"But you want to know what I ask for in return." he finished.

He grinned as Robin only nodded. Emotion was a weakness. An effective and manipulative one at that. People led by their feelings were only that much easier to persuade.

"How far are you willing to go to get what you want?"he asked.

"As far as it takes." she answered honestly.

"Perfect."


	41. Bits And Pieces

**Ch. 41 Bits And Pieces**

He stood outside the door, wondering what she was doing behind it. Wishing he knew what she was thinking; what was going through her head. Something was different. It had been since he'd spoken with her in the hospital. He was sure that the way she'd acted then was just a reaction to being back there. But it was more.

When he'd brought her back to the penthouse, the whole way there she did not say a word to him, and as soon as they'd arrived, she'd gone straight into the room. That was a few days ago and that was still where she spent most of her time. He raised his fist to knock when his phone rang. Walking away from the door, he answered it.

"Morgan." he greeted. "This isn't the best time. I know, but-"

He stopped his sentence and listened. Apparently things weren't going well when it came to the business front. It didn't help that he had not been there to ensure that everything went smoothly. But he would not apologize for that. Jason knew his priorities and knew that he had them correctly in place.

"Fine. Fine, I'll be right there." He said before hanging up.

Jason sighed and reproached the door. He hit his fist against it a few times, knocking. She didn't respond so he spoke.

"Courtney." he called. "I have to work, I'll be out for a while, ok?"

He hoped she would answer or give him some sort of reply. For a second he thought he heard one, but he wasn't sure, and assumed that it was just a product of his hopes playing with his mind.

"Ok." he said quietly before walking away.

Inside the room, Courtney silently waited to hear his retreating footsteps. When she did, she opened the door and stood on the stairs; watching him put on his jacket and walk out the door.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" he asked her. "Once this begins, there's no backing out, understand?"

"Yes." she answered, a bit uneasy, but still dead set on doing it. The end justified the means, and the end she was waiting for was certainly worth any means she went through.

"And you know your end of the bargain?" he asked, giving her an intimidating glance.

"Yes."

"You better. Because you are an investment of mine. If I don't get what I want out of this, I'll take care of that investment. Do you understand me?"

She looked him in the eyes and knew he meant business, and that he would probably kill her if she didn't come through on her part. To get what she wanted, she would do whatever she had to. Going through it all would be well worth it, he would get what he wanted and so would she.

"Perfectly." she answered.

"Well then," he began." let's get started."

He was bored. Not just a "there's nothing to do" type of bored. Because there was plenty for him to do. But for some reason, Michael was in one of those moods where no matter what he could or did do for fun, it just wasn't entertaining to him. He ran down the stairs, though he was always being not to do so, and found his mom on the couch reading one of her magazines. He didn't understand why she liked them so much. He looked at one once and it was dull. He just assumed it was one of those things grown ups like for whatever reason they like everything else that's boring.

"Mommy!" he shouted to get her attention, causing her to jump.

"What is it, Mr. Man?" she asked setting it down.

"I'm bored."

"Ok, what about you read one of your comic books grandpa gave you?"

"I read them all." he complained.

"Alright, what do you want to do?" she asked the boy who shrugged his shoulders. His mother let out an amused chuckle at his response. "Well, that's a lot of help. Tell you what, how about you get your shoes on and we'll go get some sundaes?"

"With chocolate fudge?" he asked, excitedly.

"With extra chocolate fudge." she answered and felt her smile grow bigger as her son cheered and jumped off the couch to get ready.

A few moments later she heard his shoes rapidly thumping down the stairs and she rolled her eyes at the action. He was always running down those stairs. She opened her mouth to give him yet another warning about speeding down the steps, but the red head already started to speak anxiously to her once more.

"Ooh, can Aunt Courtney come to?" he asked.

"I…don't know, Michael." she began. "Aunt Courtney might not be feeling up to it right now."

"Well, just ask her and she'll say yes. You'll see!" he instructed.

Before Carly could respond, the little boy was running out the door and across the hall. She got up to go after him and found him in the living room talking to his aunt, who sat on the couch. Courtney looked up as Carly entered the room, and met her eyes for a moment.

"Mom said you might not want to go, but I wanted to ask you for myself." Michael explained to her. "Will you come with us? Please?"

There was a moment where Carly observed the inner battle her friend fought over the decision. She noticed that Courtney bit her lower lip as she thought about it. Unwillingly, Carly smiled slightly, remembering the last time she saw her use that gesture when trying to make a decision.

Flashback

"Oh I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching--oh it's you." she stopped when she realized who it was she'd ran over.

"That's all I get? Me? Your best friend in the entire world and I don't get a 'Hi Carly it's great to see you.' I get 'Oh it's you?' I'm touched."

"Sorry Carly. I wasn't watching where I was going. I was...thinking."

"Thinking, hmm? Thinking about a certain blue eyed hottie who happens to be crazy about you?" She couldn't hide the pride in her voice. She didn't plan on letting anybody live down how right she'd been about the two of them.

"Yes I am." Courtney stated matter of factly. "I'm actually on my way home. Where are you headed?"

"I was going to The Cellar for a few things. I could use a hand if you don't mind. Please? To make up for trying to kill me just now?" She watched her sister-in-law bite her lower lip and could tell that she was desperately anxious to get back to her man. However, she agreed to help. And with good reason, with all the time Carly had spent defending their relationship to her husband.

"I promise it won't take long at all. Five minutes tops!" she nearly laughed grabbing her hand and dragging the younger woman off in the direction of her club. "Lets go."

End Flashback

That was the last night she had seen either of them completely happy. The night they got engaged. It felt like an eternity ago. Carly snapped away from her reverie and listened to her response.

"Yeah." she told the little boy. "Yeah, I'll come with you."

Michael smiled from ear to ear at her answer. He looked over his shoulder to his mother.

"See, told you."


	42. Flesh And Blood

**Ch. 42 Flesh and Blood**

They sat at a small table in the diner, the little boy hungrily sucking down his chocolate sundae; getting as much on his face as he did in his mouth. To Courtney's surprise, she wasn't having that bad of a time. She couldn't help but be affected by the boy's energy. He was telling a story about one of his soccer games; letting words fly from his mouth at a mile a minute in between ice cream scoops.

She even found herself smiling on a few occasions. At one point, Michael had been sent to the bathroom to clean up and Courtney found it the opportunity to ask the question that had been bothering her.

"Who's that?" she asked, indicating the man that'd been standing outside the door since they got there. Carly saw who she meant and sighed, not sure how to answer the question.

"He's…he's Marco." she said, not satisfying Courtney with the answer she gave.

"Ok. Who's Marco, and why does he keep watching us?" she asked looking in his direction again.

"It's his job." she answered. "He's a guard, one of many. Whether you see them or not, most likely, they're always nearby."

"Why would we need a guard?"

"Sonny and Jason think it's necessary. They don't want anyone to get hurt because of their business." she tried to explain, but knew she wasn't doing that great of a job.

"What do they do?"

It's complicated." she replied.

"What-" she began to ask, but was interrupted by the red head's return.

"Mommy!" he shouted.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Let's go to the park. He demanded. "Please, please, please."

"I don't know, honey." she said. So her son followed the child rule as old as time itself. When one adult says no, ask the other one.

"Come on Aunt Courtney. You want to go the park, don't you?"

Courtney was taken aback by the question. The park. There was something about it. Something bad. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go back and face it yet. But on the other hand, she found it difficult to deny the boy's request. Maybe nothing would happen.

"Ok." she told him. The boy smiled and looked to his mother.

"I guess we're going to the park then. Maybe you'll work off all that sugar you just inhaled." Carly said.

They arrived at the park entrance and Michael ran excitedly down the path.

"Michael, don't run!" Carly called after him. "I swear that boy, always on the go."

She laughed, but stopped when she turned to Courtney. There was something wrong, she could tell. Her friend was staring off into space, and it looked as if she had paled a bit in the face. Actually she looked like she was ready to throw up.

"Courtney?" she asked repeatedly until she finally got her attention. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Yeah." she replied. "Fine."

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I'll get Michael and we'll go home." she suggested.

"Michael wants to play in the park."

"If you're not up to it-"

"I said," she interrupted sharply. "I'm fine."

Courtney tried to shake of the irritation of Carly's constant caution. She did not want to be mad at her. But she didn't need to deal with people treating her like a China doll that would break so easily.

They walked through the park to Michael, all the while Courtney couldn't shake the eerie feeling that plagued the place. But luckily, so far that's all it had been. A bad feeling.

Carly spoke a few words to Michael as he went towards the swing set before she sat down on a nearby park bench. Courtney saw the bench and stepped back. Something wasn't right about that place. The exact spot. The swings, the bench, everything.

There was a voice. She could hear it, but it was too soft to distinguish what was being said. She looked around, but the only people she saw were Carly and Michael. Where was the voice coming from? What was it saying? She felt something. Like someone was touching her arm. Courtney flinched and turned around, trying to catch a glimpse of who it was that grabbed her. But no one was there.

"What?" she asked softly to no one in particular.

"Courtney? What is it?" Carly asked, seeing her friends behavior.

"Did you…I thought…" she said, not finishing either sentence as she tried to figure out what was going on. There was the damn voice again. What the hell was it saying? "Do you hear it?"

"Hear what?" Carly asked, concerned for her friend. She didn't answer her, just looked around as if searching for something. It was unsettling. "Courtney. Courtney, honey, talk to me. You're scaring me."

She didn't appear to hear her, so Carly reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. The contact felt like a searing iron to Courtney. She quickly pulled away from her touch and backed away from the woman.

"Don't-Don't touch me."


	43. Turn The Stone

**Ch. 43 Turn The Stone**

"I don't understand. How does one person just disappear like this?" he asked. Jason was less than happy to hear that, not only could no one find Robin, it was as if she had never been back to Port Charles in the first place. Apparently she never even let Mac know that she was back in town.

"You've go to have major resources to be able to vanish like that. Resources that Robin doesn't have. She's got someone helping her." his friend voiced.

"Of course she's got help! She wouldn't have been able to-" he stopped, realizing he was shouting, he calmed his voice down before speaking again. "She wouldn't have been able to do that to Courtney on her own."

Sonny sighed, putting his face in his hands for a moment. It was true. Robin wouldn't have been able to anything that she had done on her own. Now, not only did they have to find out where she was, they needed to find out who she was working with.

"How's Courtney doing?" he asked.

"She's…different." he answered. "I don't know, since the accident something's changed. It's like she's withdrawing into herself."

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know, Sonny." he said honestly. "Maybe she's feeling pressured to remember, or maybe she remembered something bad and she doesn't want to remember anymore."

"Have you talked to her?" he asked, rubbing his chin.

"I haven't gotten the chance. She's been spending most of her time in the bedroom with the door closed." he explained.

"Maybe you just need to give her time. I mean, she's got a lot to come to terms with." Sonny suggested.

"Maybe." he agreed. "I'll see you later."

"Alright." Sonny said as his friend left.

Jason walked over to his place and up the stairs. The door was open and Courtney wasn't there. As a matter of fact, she wasn't in the penthouse at all. He walked back to the hall and looked to Max.

"Have you seen Courtney?"

"She left earlier with Michael and Mrs. Corinthos." he informed.

Jason nodded, part of him glad that she was getting out, but the other worried. Hoping that Carly and Michael weren't too much for her. Carly especially.

"Courtney-" she said concerned, taking a step towards her.

"Don't" she said, holding up a hand to stop her from coming any closer. "Just-Just stay back."

Carly did as her friend requested and stopped. She had no idea what was happening with her, but she wanted to help. Now she felt horrible that Michael had invited her out. She was sure that if it was her who asked, if it was anyone besides Michael asking her to come out with them she would have said no. Now she had no idea what was going, but it wasn't good at all.

"Honey, what's going on? Talk to me." she pleaded.

"I don't know." she answered honestly, putting a hand against her temple.

"I'm going to call Jason." she informed. Carly them reached in her purse and pulled out the small cell phone.

"No, don't." Courtney said, stopping the woman before she could begin dialing the number. "I don't need Jason. I just need to go home."

"Are you sure?" she asked, not getting a response from the woman. "Courtney?"

"Shh." she said.

"What-"

"Shh. Just be quiet for a minute." she asked.

It was happening again; she could hear a voice. She wanted to know what the hell it was saying, then maybe it would go away and leave her alone. They stood in silence, save for Michael swinging away unaware of what was occurring, and Courtney tried to listen. Nothing, it stopped. All of it; the voice, the prickling against her skin; it was gone. All she felt was the sun beating down against her. All she heard was the sounds of the park around her. It was over. Slowly, she turned around to face Carly, who was watching her with the fear and worry written all over her face.

"Are you.." she began, but seemed unsure what to ask. "Is it…I mean…"

"Yeah. It's-It's over." she said, feeling under the microscope. She was going to ask questions now. Questions she didn't have the answer to. She had no idea what was going on in her own head, how could she explain it to someone else?

"Uh, Michael. Michael, come on its time to go home." she called to the boy.

"Aw…mom we just got here." he complained.

"No arguments we're leaving." she said, and got a sigh from her son who jumped off the swing and slowly moped towards them, obviously upset that his day in the park had been cut short. Carly looked to the woman beside her and offered at least what she hoped would be a slight bit of help. "We'll take the path by the gazebo, it doesn't take as long."

"Thanks." she said, generously glad that they would be getting out of there sooner. "Guess the day out didn't go as you planned. Sorry."

"It's ok. I think he worked off most of that sundae anyway." she said, lightening the mood as best she could. "Besides I'm not sure, but I think someone might have a new video game waiting for them in his dad's closet."

She said the last part loud enough for Michael to hear. It worked as she wanted and the boy was immediately a ray of sunshine once again. He ran towards them, now excited and unable to get out of there fast enough. When he reached them, he grabbed his aunt's arm and tugged on it to speed her up.

"Let's go!' he ordered.

The action struck something with Courtney who cried out and fell to her knees as a surge of pain ripped through her skull. She put her hands to her head and held tight trying to make it stop. She heard her nephew and Carly saying something to her, but they sounded muffled; like trying to listen to someone from underwater. She blinked several times hoping it would stop soon enough. God knew what seeing her like that was doing to Michael. Suddenly the pain in her head seemed to intensify by the thousands as a strange, unfamiliar scene played through her head.

It was night. She saw herself walking through the park along the same path. Courtney recognized the bench they had been at earlier. She stopped walking and just stood there, staring at her hand. At something on her hand. What was it?

"Mrs. Jason Morgan." she heard herself say.

Suddenly there was a man behind her, no two. There were two behind her, she didn't seem to see them at first. Then she did. She turned to run away, but one of them grabbed her arm.

"Let's go." one of them said.

She fought back. She screamed. She tried to get away. They were stronger. One of them put something on her face; a rag. She fought. She fought until everything went black.

She opened her eyes, waiting for the little stab in her head that remained to vanish. She pulled her hands off her head and realized how hard she had been squeezin as she saw a few strands of hair entwined in her fingers. Courtney began to take in shallow breaths. That combined with her tears made it hard for her to remember where she was or what had triggered it. Then she heard Carly's voice beside her, and she remembered. God, what was Michael thinking right about now?

"What was it?" she asked, quietly, trying not to freak out not just for Michael's sake who was scared enough for the both of them.

"Oh God." she said, through her tears. Looking down at the ground, feeling nauseous. "Oh God. It-It happened right here."


	44. Broken Hopes And Horoscopes

**Ch. 44 Broken Hopes And Horoscopes**

"She's in bed." Carly informed him as she came down the stairs.

Jason stood at the bottom of the steps, waiting as patiently as possible to be told what had happened. They came back from wherever they were and it was obvious that something was up. Courtney came in looking like she'd been hit by a bus and immediately allowed Carly, who looked barely better, to take her upstairs without saying a word or acknowledging anything. Walking like a zombie, in a sort of trance like state.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure." she answered.

"You're not sure?" he asked irritated.

"That's right, I'm not sure." she repeated, her voice raising slightly. "Michael asked her to come out with us, and she did. We went to the park and, I don't know, something was bothering her about being there. We were leaving; next thing I knew she was on the ground."

Jason roughly tossed his hand through his spiked hair and began to quickly pace back and forth. He was trying to stay calm but hearing what she'd told him made Doing that extremely difficult. He found himself unable to keep his emotions under control. He threw his hands in the air as he turned back to Carly.

"Why weren't you more careful?" he said, his voice rising though he didn't want to disturb Courtney.

"Jason, I tried to get her to leave. She didn't want to disappoint Michael, ok? He feels horrible about it; it was when he grabbed her arm it triggered whatever it was. He's afraid it's his fault!" She spat back at him. "But you need to think about Courtney right now."

"I am, Carly!" he shouted, then quickly lowered his voice. "I'm trying to do right by her."

"Then look at the facts, Jason." she hissed. "When it was over, she told me "It happened here."

"What happened there?" he asked.

"I don't know! Ok? She didn't say anything else after that. But the fact of the matter is that she remembered something today. All I can tell you is that , by the effect I saw it had on her, it wasn't good."

She heard the door open as the shadows shifted at the light from the hallway as it entered. But she didn't turn towards it. She just stayed still and hoped he would believe she was asleep and leave. Keeping her breathing even to create the illusion of slumber, Courtney waited for him to close the door.

Even more so than she wished him to turn around and go, she wished she were actually asleep. Asleep she would not have been able to hear the muffled sound of the heated conversation that took place downstairs. About her, no doubt.

Finally, she heard the door creak slightly as it began to close and the streak of light that seeped in from the hall slowly diminished until completely gone and the room was dark once again. She was in the dark. The cold, lonely, confusing, emptiness of the dark. It was the place she was most familiar with. Simply because she knew she had never left it.

She'd been shrouded in darkness since she'd woken up in that damn hospital. The woman wanted to laugh at her stupidity. For thinking that she would be able to step out of it. To try and figure out who she used to be and how to be that person once again. She'd even felt close to it for a few moments. It was Jason.

The time she spent with him was the safest she could remember feeling. It seemed like she would be able to do whatever she wished as long as he was there with her. They kissed. A kiss in the rain. A kiss that made her feel complete with herself despite her enormous flaw.

However, After everything she'd been through, Courtney had come to believe that she needed to be that person for the people around her more than she needed it for herself. She needed to be Carly's friend, and Sonny's sister, and Michael's aunt. But most of all, she felt the need to be the woman that Jason loved.

Whoever she used to be or what ever type of life she used to live, that person was gone. The person that the blue eyed man was so deeply in love with didn't exist anymore.

Just like Robin said that night by the car.


	45. The One To Hold On To

**A.N:** wow! this is the last one, now is all caught up with LN when it comes to my story. damn, i didn't know they were this far apart. now their even! hope you like!

**Ch. 45 The One To Hold On To**

Jason woke to the sound of movements coming from downstairs. His first reaction was that someone had got in. That it wasn't Courtney because she'd be able to get around in the dark without making any noise in her home. Then he had to remind himself that she didn't know the penthouse as her home. He quickly dressed and made his way to the stairs in the dark. He decided to keep the element of surprise on his side in case it actually wasn't her.

Once he stood on the steps, the scent of something burning reached his nose. A fire? Couldn't have been a big one, otherwise the detectors would have been going off. He quickened his pace on the steps until he reached the living room where he could see the source of the smell. The flames were dancing freely within the restricted space of the fireplace. Thanks to the light it gave off, he was easily able to see her figure silhouetted near it. He approached, the sound of his bare feet padding against the floor as he no longer cared to keep quiet and didn't want to startle her by showing up out of no where.

"Courtney." he called softly to her before looking at the clock. Nearly three in the morning. "What's wrong? What are you doing up? It's late."

"I couldn't sleep." she replied, simply.

Jason nodded even though he knew she wasn't able to see the action. He continued to approach the area near the fireplace where she sat on the ground, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and lowered himself to the ground to join. The small amount of light the fire gave was just enough to illuminate her face as she gazed at it.

"How come?" he asked, in the same soft voice.

"It was cold." she answered.

"Cold?" he repeated, questionably. He knew that he didn't have the same comprehension of the temperature as a normal person did, but he knew it was in the midst of summer. According to Carly, the penthouse was at the perfect temperature to keep comfortable during the weather. Then he questioned why he hadn't been suspicious that she built a fire and took another look at the blanket she wore. "If you're cold, we can turn up the temperature until your comfortable."

"It won't help." she informed.

"Why not?"

"It just won't." she said again. "I've been sitting here for a while trying to make it go away. It hasn't worked. I don't feel any warmer."

"Do you want another blanket?" he offered.

"It's like the fire isn't there." she continued as if he hadn't asked his question. "I don't feel any heat. I tried, though."

She pulled her hand out from behind the cover and stared at it. Jason took a guess at what she was implying and reached out, gently taking a hold and examining it. It was difficult to clearly see, but he was able to make out a small burn on her palm. Nothing serious.

"Are you ok?" he asked concerned. He heard a dry chuckle from her that quickly transformed into a stifled sob.

"No." she replied honestly, facing him for the first time. "I really don't think so. I don't feel it. I don't feel anything. I know why, though. I know why I can't get warm."

"W-Why?" he asked, clearing his throat. "Why?"

"It's my soul, Jason." Courtney responded, catching him off guard with her answer. "My soul is cold; numb."

Jason didn't know what to say to her revelation. It wasn't something he was an expert on. All he knew was where he had been before and what he felt at the time. Anger. Anger and hatred towards everyone who tried to help him. Family, friends, doctors; anyone. But he couldn't recall ever believing what she'd described about himself.

"I'm not ok." she said again.

A moment of silence past where all Jason could do was watch her, worrying about the conclusions and theories going through her head.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." he assured, trying to help in which ever way he could.

"How did you ask?"

"Ask?" he repeated, confused.

"Did you plan it out, or was it spur of the moment?"

"I don't understand, Courtney."

"Did you get down on your knee?" Her questioned answered Jason's. Was that what she remembered? Their engagement? That didn't happen in the park. Even so, she knew about it.

"I, uh, I planned it. It was here, in the penthouse. There were rose petals and candles and Carly distracted you while I got it together. I got on one knee and I asked you to marry me."

"And I said yes?" she said, in more of a statement then a question.

"You said yes."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to find out on my own?" she asked, wanting the truth from him.

"I guess, I just didn't want you to feel obligated to remember it. I didn't want to pressure you."

"Pressure me?" she asked. "But don't you think I deserved to know something that important? Did you think I couldn't handle it?"

"No, that's not it-"

"What do you do?" she interrupted.

"What?" he asked, taken by surprise by the change in the subject.

"Bodyguards, Jason?" she asked. "What do you do that requires bodyguards?"

"It's complicated."

"Complicated." she repeated, like the word disgusted her; the same answer Carly gave her. Dropping the blanket she quickly rose to her feet. "Too complicated for me, you mean?"

"No." he immediately protested, rising to his full height as well. "It's hard to explain."

"What what the engagement was; hard to explain? Is that why I wasn't told?"

"No. I didn't want you to push yourself. If I told you right away, you would've tried forcing yourself into the role you thought you needed to play. And if it didn't work, you'd get angry and you'd push the people trying to help away. You'd resent yourself for not being able to be who they want you to."

"You don't know that!"

"I do know that!" he shouted back. "I know that because I've been there. I know what it's like to not know who you are; to try so hard to remember and hate yourself because you can't."

"You've been through this?" she asked and he nodded. "What happened?"

"A few years ago, I got in a car accident. I didn't know who or what I was. They said I wouldn't be able to feel any sort of emotion. Except anger, I had that one down to perfection. But fear, love, grief, I was never supposed to genuinely know what it felt like. I tried to be who everyone needed, and I only ended up hurting them and myself the more I tried. I shoved the people who cared away from me and I found myself alone and in a dark place." He explained, recalling his past. "I still haven't remembered, but I've come to terms with it, and I'm a better person than I was then."

"You couldn't feel? But you love her?"

"You." he corrected as she described herself as another person. "It was you. You let me feel things I've never felt before."

"Jason, it wasn't me. You know that." she explained. "I'm-I'm only her face. I'm not Courtney; not the one you love, the one you need."

"You're here. That's all I need. Just talk to me, let me know what you're feeling." he said softly.

"Feeling." she whispered, and the man nodded.

Her eyes held his, the deep blues seemed darker than she thought they were. Breaking from them she found herself soon staring at his lips. Courtney remembered the kiss in the rain. That was what she wanted feel. The way she felt in the park.

Moving on it's own, her face slowly inched closer to his. The space between them slowly vanishing until she was mere centimeters from his face. Close enough to feel the heat radiating from his face. But she didn't move any closer. What if it wasn't what he wanted. What if-

Before she could finish the thought, Jason's lips were landing softly against hers. This kiss was different, she didn't feel complete or at peace. Courtney felt hunger. It was as if something inside her woke up and told her a simple kiss wasn't going to be enough. Using all his strength, Jason was able to pull back from her.

"I'm sorry." he said, softly. "I shouldn't-"

Courtney interrupted his sentence as her lips came crashing against his once more.


	46. Further Seems Forever

**A/N:** Yay! an update! woohoo! $celebration dance$ and that's just my little one...i'm saving the GREAT BIG celebration dance for the faithful day when the journey is reunited...i know it's coming and when it does...i have no idea what i'll do but i'm gonna celebrate...enjoy

**Ch. 46 Further Seems Forever**

Her hands grabbed at him hungrily. Through the kiss, she couldn't seem to pull him close enough. The feelings were indescribable. All she knew was that she wanted him, she needed him. The incredible power that she felt through his lips was almost more than she could stand. Courtney felt the heat that now rose within her. Strong enough that she was almost sure it would burn her from the inside out.

Suddenly, the ecstasy of his lips were no longer on hers. She could no longer taste him. Opening her eyes, she looked at Jason with confusion across her face.

"Courtney-"

Reaching out, Courtney placed her hands on the back of his neck and brought his lips back to hers, where she needed them to be. After a moment of resistance, he was kissing back again. Then, once more to her disappointment, he was pulling away from her. This time he placed his hands on her shoulders to prevent her from getting him again.

"Courtney, wait." he said, looking down and not in her eyes. Not to see the confusion or hurt that would certainly be in them; caused by his actions. "Stop."

"No." she responded, her voice husky with emotion. "Jason, I don't want to stop."

"I don't want you to do something you'll regret." he offered. "It's still soon."

"No. Jason, no it's not." she answered, trying to once again bring him back to her.

"I just…I want you to be sure."

"I'm sure." she said, placing a series of kisses over his face, ending on his lips. "So, so sure."

At the words, Jason knew he couldn't hold back. Her taste, her smell, her touch; he'd wanted nothing more than to have the blessing of experiencing them again. It had been so long. This time, when she kissed him, he let it happen. Releasing the small amount of restrain the had left, Jason forgot about all his doubts and worries. Tonight, there was no business, no enemies, and no problems; medical or otherwise.

Tonight was about them.

Tonight, he was just going to love her.

* * *

"Ouch." she winced as the needle pressed against her. The man controlling it either didn't seem to hear her or didn't care as he continued to work. "God." 

"Must you complain?" the man watching the scene asked.

"I'm sorry, but that ain't exactly a feather he's using back there."

"Did you expect this to be a walk in the park?" he asked amusedly.

"No. But is this part really necessary?"

"What would you suggest?"

"A press on? Something temporary, less painful." she offered.

"You want the real thing you have to be the real thing." he explained.

He ran his hand through his hair and swallowed a large gulp of the drink. She grunted at him and his lack of concern for her comfort, before laying her head back down, trying to keep her mind off the pain In her lower back. She never did and never would understand why people would willingly have this done to themselves just for fun. There had to be out of their minds to put their bodies through this. Gritting her teeth as he continued his work, she closed her eyes and tried to think about anything other than tattoos.

* * *

_There was a banging. A loud banging. Where was it coming from? She sat up and, after looking at the sleeping man, she concluded he must not have heard it. It was probably nothing. As she laid back down, it came again. It sounded louder and closer this time._

_Now sure that she wasn't hearing things, Courtney rose from her spot on the floor and tried to discover the source of the noise. Quickly, almost instinctively, she was able to figure out its origin. The closet door. Brushing quickly through the living room, she made it to the door. Once there, the banging immediately ceased._

_Slowly, Courtney placed her hand atop the doorknob, hesitating slightly about opening. Something was in there. Something that wanted out. A monster in the closet. Shivering at the thought, she took a deep breath and decided that the best thing to do would be to face it head on. Cautiously, she turned the cool metal object under her hand and the door slowly opened._

_Her voice caught in her throat and she blinked several times at the sight. It was her. Courtney was standing face to face with herself. A complete replica, mirrored in everyway. Physically anyway. She knew right away that as identical as they were, they weren't the same person. The woman she looked at the woman who was before her. She stood tall, a confident glow radiating from all around her. Her eyes held a bright blue, filled to the brim with a sparkling aura of independence, fearlessness._

"_Courtney?" she asked the person before her._

"_Yeah." she replied stepping out of the enclosed space._

"_You're me? The real me?"_

"_Memories and all." she replied, holding her eyes, as if she were able to look through her. "Where's Jason?"_

"_Sleeping."_

"_He misses me." the woman said. "I know he does. We were so in love. He'd to anything to find me "_

_She noticed that this woman, this Courtney, still wore the shining engagement ring on her finger which she so lovingly gazed at. Looking at her own ring less hand, she felt a sense of insecurity wash over her._

"_If he had a choice…" she began._

"_He'd choose you."_

Courtney's eyes opened to the now fully lit apartment. The sun was out, and she found herself on the carpet, head resting on Jason's bare chest. Remembering the experience of the early morning, she placed a kiss on his smooth skin. It was the best she'd ever felt. She was sure it meant as much to him as it did to her. But after the dream, she couldn't help but wonder. Wonder if he was holding on so he would have her in the event that she remembered. If she was just a fill in for him until Courtney came back.

He wouldn't do that.

Would he?


	47. One Time It's You, Two Times It's Me

**A/N:** umm...insert comedic remark or witty observation here...yeah...i got nothin...enjoy 

**Ch. 47 One Time It's You, Two Times It's Me**

He inhaled a deep breath of morning air as he felt himself waking up. He felt the stiffness of the floor underneath his back. On any other occasion that would normally make him groan and realize he would have an aching back for the rest of the day from sleeping on the floor. But that morning was different. Because as much as he felt that, the feeling of her in his arms was at least a hundred times stronger.

Her soft skin against his was a brilliant contrast to the hardwood floor. He felt the amazing warmth flowing from her touch as she cuddled up next to him in her slumber. He knew she had been awake briefly, he'd felt it. He had always been able to feel her when she woke next to him; like a sixth sense. Whether he would wake fully or not, he always knew. The even sound of her steady breathing was music to him as it signaled that she was sound asleep. He was glad that she was getting some peaceful moments in her sleep.

He knew she didn't have much peace in her life anymore; so he would be thankful for the time she was getting. Jason ran his hand up and down the bare skin of her arm that lay across his stomach. Adjusting her head for comfort, she mumbled something into his chest that he couldn't quite make out.

Unable to control himself, Jason felt the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. He wished the moment would last forever. However he knew it was not possible. There was a lot they needed to face. He was confident, though, that they could get through this and anything else as long as they had each other. Kissing the top of her head, he heard the light moan that escaped her lips as she began to wake.

"Morning, beautiful." he whispered against her hair.

Courtney opened her eyes and lifted her head, looking up at him. For a moment she couldn't recall what had happened. But as she looked at Jason and their surroundings which had their various articles of clothing strewn about, the images of their actions quickly came to her. She suddenly became aware of the fact that both she and Jason were very naked under the blanket the blanket he'd found her with in the earliest hours of the day. The woman pulled the cover closer to her bare body as a shield.

He watched as the redness crept through her face while she covered herself with the fabric. She was embarrassed. He didn't like the idea of her feeling insecure about herself or her body, especially in his presence. It wasn't new to him, though. It was only briefly before their engagement that she seemed to finally be completely comfortable with the situation. It was , however, understandable to him. She'd explained quite a while ago that A.J. was her first and she still wasn't comfortable with being completely exposed in front of another person. Husband, fiancé or otherwise. That along with the fact that she had been blackmailed into stripping down in front of complete strangers could make a person self conscious. He decided that he would make sure she learned to be comfortable with herself again.

"Are you ok?" he asked, realizing she'd been silent for a few minutes. She looked him in the eyes, and his breath caught. He saw something that scared him. What he was afraid he would see if they'd given in to each other too soon. Doubt.

"Jason, about what happened-" she began and the words tore into him. The words he was dead scared to hear from her.

"It's ok." he interrupted. "I'm sorry. I-I knew it was soon and I should have stopped it."

"Do you really think that?" she asked, failing not to sound hurt by the words he was saying.

"Don't you?" he asked, to which she shook her head.

"I thought…never mind." she dismissed and stood up, taking the blanket that was still wrapped around her body. Jason realized that he had jumped to conclusions and involuntarily gave her the idea that he regretted what happened between them. Wanting to rectify his mistake, he speedily slipped into his jeans and hopped to his feet.

"Wait. I'm sorry I said that." he apologized. " I thought you were regretting it and-and I was just trying-I didn't mean that and I shouldn't have assumed anything. I'm sorry."

She couldn't help but crack a slight smile as he rambled on, trying to redeem himself from his previous statement. She was glad to hear that he did not regret what happened between them. But couldn't help but be disappointed that he had automatically assumed the worst from her before she could even finish what she wanted to say.

"So…" he cleared his throat." what were you going to say?"

"I just want…I need to know what it was about for you." she stated and took a deep breath before forcing herself to spit out the questions that was bothering her. "Was it about trying to make me feel better or was it something else?"

Jason shook his head at the notion. He couldn't believe she was asking him that question. At the moment he wasn't sure if he preferred her regretting what happened or doubting his sincerity.

"No it wasn't like that at all." he answered honestly. "I mean sure, I wanted to help you feel better. But it was so much more than that for me, Courtney."

"What was it?" she asked him, hating that she felt the need to be assured.

"It was about us." he answered. "What happened was about you and me. Nothing else."

"You don't regret it?" she asked. "Not at all?"

"Not at all." he repeated with a smile.

Smiling back, she allowed him to pull her closer to his half nude body. Feeling the warm, bare skin of his chest, Courtney felt the urge to be close to him again. He put his placed his hand against her cheek as they slowly began to lean closer to one another. This time, the kiss was a soft as opposed to the fiery one that initiated the previous event. The kiss grew as the lightning bolts surged throughout their bodies at the contact. He quickly forgot where he was and nearly forgot who he was all together. Nearly. He knew he was a man completely in love with the woman before him. He never wanted to let her go.

"Jase, I - Oh God!" The woman squealed as she entered the penthouse. The two immediately broke apart as Carly's voice cut through the silent air.

"Carly!" Jason hissed at her for disrupting them.

"I'm so sorry guys. I didn't know you were…well…" she explained, trying not to bust out laughing.

Jason decided he was going to have to usher her out of their home or she would never leave. Frustrated and slightly embarrassed that she had now walked in on an intimate moment between them twice, he quickly began to make his way towards her. In his hurry to get to her and get her out, he failed to realize that his foot was entangled in the section of the blanket that pooled around them. As he took a step towards Carly, Jason's foot caught and he ended up face first on the floor. Now he heard her burst out laughing, unable to suppress it anymore. Shaking off the idiocy he felt for his display, he quickly stood again and put his hand on the laughing woman's arm.

"I just can't seem to get my timing down right, huh?" she said, surprising herself that she was able to speak through the laughter.

"Goodbye Carly." he said basically shoving her out the door.

"Bye, guys." she said, in the doorway and turned to face him in the hall before he could close the door. "Make sure you put ice on that!"

Jason slammed the door in her smug face, muffling out her last words. He shook his head and turned to look back at Courtney. Sitting on the couch her face in her hands, he could see her shoulders shaking. At first he was afraid that she was crying but he soon realized that, she too, was laughing uncontrollably.

"Something funny?" he asked her, trying to sound serious.

"I was just…admiring your performance." she said, struggling through her laughter.

"Really?" he asked. "Hope you enjoyed it. It was a one time thing. No encores."

" I did." she answered, as he approached her and sat down also. She lightly placed her hand against the reddening area of his cheek that signaled where he'd hit the floor. "Oh, poor baby."

"It's fine." he answered with a smile. "My pride though, that's another story."

"Well, I don't know what I can do for your pride, but I can put some ice on this if you'd like." she offered.

"I don't need ice." he replied, leaning closer to her so their lips were barely touching. "I do need my medicine though."

"Medicine, hmm?" she said entwining her fingers in his hair and he nodded. " I think I can take care of that."

* * *

The door flew open and closed loudly, causing the dark haired man to come out of the kitchen. Pulling of his apron he approached his wife. He immediately noticed she had tears running down her face and he was quickly in front of her. 

"What happened?" he asked.

"Sonny." she said laughing, telling him they weren't tears of sorrow or pain.

"What is it?" he asked, now curious as to what had caused her to laugh so hard.

"It happened again."

* * *

**A/N:** Thought i'd throw in some fun stuff before things get serious again:) 


	48. Hopelessly Blissful

**A/N:** HA! told you i'd upate!

**Ch. 48 Hopelessly Blissful**

The spray of hot water dwindled down to a simple drip as she twisted the knob. After wrapping the thick towel around her, she stepped out of the shower into the steam filled room. On her way out, she found herself pausing in front of the fogged up mirror.

With a cautious hand, she reached out and wipe away at it until her face was visible in the glass. Gazing at the pale eyes that looked back at her, she couldn't help but think back to the dream. The eyes that shone brilliantly with their bright coloring; that appeared to have a never ending depth. Were her eyes supposed to look like that? How many times had she stood in front of that same mirror and looked at her reflection?

"Hey." the voice greeted, causing her to jump in place. "I scare you?"

"Surprised me, that's all." she said, offering a small smile to the man. "Did you need something?"

"Besides you?" he teased, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss. "Actually I just came from talking to Carly."

"Oh. Stay on your feet this time?" she joked, remembering his performance earlier.

"I did." he replied with a smile. "She wants us to go with her and Sonny to The Cellar tonight."

"The Cellar?"

"Yeah, it's her club." he informed, surprised that he'd forgotten about the situation. "Do you want to go?"

"I don't know." she answered, unsure. " Do I have anything to wear?"

"Carly can help you find something. Besides, you look beautiful no matter what you're wearing." his eyes wandered down to the towel covering her body. "Or not wearing."

She couldn't help but smile at his flirtation. A night out did seem like a good idea. But honestly, she was slightly afraid of what going out would do. What if she freak out again? If it was worse then before? This time it would be in a room full of people. She sighed, knowing that no matter what the possibilities were, or what could happen, she didn't want to stay hidden inside the penthouse for the rest of her life.

"Sounds fun." she responded, hoping she would be right about it.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "We don't have to go."

"No, I want to." she assured. "Plus, it's a chance to see you all fancied up."

"Well, I don't do fancy very well." he said truthfully. " But I'll try to make sure you're not too embarrassed to be seen with me."

"It's settled then…we're going." she said, poking her finger against his hard chest.

"Alright." he answered, leaning forward once more and catching her with a soft kiss. "I'll go tell Carly. She'll be excited. Way too excited if you ask me."

He left the bathroom and then the penthouse to deliver the answer to her sister-in-law. She sighed after his departure. No doubt about it, Courtney felt absolutely terrific in his presence, but once he was no longer around, she felt all the questions and worries creeping back into her skull. She turned back to the mirror and once again locked eyes with the image before her.

"It'll be fine." she spoke to the glass, trying to calm any nerves. "It's going to be fine."

* * *

Just as Jason had said, Carly had helped her. But not just with finding the right outfit to wear. The woman had gone on a rampage, insisting that she do her hair, make up, everything. The way she'd carried on, it was more like they were getting ready for a wedding rather than a simple night out.

Even so, Courtney was grateful for the assistance as she felt completely clueless about it all. But now, after being Carly's personal, life size Barbie, she was standing in front of her as the woman judged her completed work.

"Oh, honey you look beautiful." she gushed, from acting as if she were ready to start crying.

"I don't-I don't feel beautiful." she answered. It was the truth. She didn't feel beautiful. What she felt was awkward. It wasn't what she was wearing. The simple black, sleeveless dress Carly had brought for her felt like it was made just for her. It wasn't the clothes, it was just her. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel about it all.

"Well you are." Carly returned knowingly. "And Jason will think so too."

"Yeah?"

"You're going to knock him off his feet." she assured.

"I don't know about this, Carly." she admitted, after hearing Sonny's voice from downstairs asking if they were ready. "I mean, what if we something happens that makes me freak out again? What if I eat something I'm allergic to? What if Jason wants to dance? Oh God, do I dance?"

Her scenarios flew out at a mile a minute, she didn't know until that moment exactly how many worries she had or what they were. But now it seemed that since they were on the brink of their evening everything was coming to the surface in one big blow. The woman in front of her grabbed her hands trying to catch her attention and calm her down.

"Ok, first off, I think I've seen Jason dance a whole two times and that was only because it was what you wanted to do. He's not a big fan of it, so if you don't want to, so you have nothing to worry about." she told her with a smile on her face. "As for the rest; stay away from pistachios and you'll be fine."

"What about…you know."

"Ok, listen to me," she instructed placing her hands on her friends shoulders. "if something happens, and I'm not saying it will, but if it does then we're all going to be there. You'll be fine, ok?"

"Ok."

"We're going to have fun, right?" she asked, getting a nod from her. "Alright. Now let's go."


	49. And The Music Played

**A/N:** Bad, sad, horrible me let LN posts get ahead of this site's...so i'm gonna play a sorta fun sorta not game called Catch Up!

**Ch. 49 And The Music Played**

The dim surroundings of the city passed by the darkened windows of the limo. Jason couldn't help but observe his two closest friends. Sonny smiled with delight, whispering in his wife's ear as his hand caressed her stomach. The woman giggled, feeling him touch the place where their beautiful baby was growing.

Watching the affectionate display, Jason couldn't stop himself from feeling slightly envious. Of course he was happy for the couple; they deserved it. But it made him question whether or not such happiness was possible for him and Courtney. His blues eyes then fell on her as she looked out the glass. He noticed her hands wringing nervously on her lap as she did so. Reaching over, he softly laid his hand over hers. The gesture caused her movements to cease as she turned to look at him.

"You ok?" he asked, quietly enough so he wouldn't be heard by the obvious distracted couple.

"Yeah, I'm fine." she told him, offering a smile.

"We don't have to do this, you know."

"Jason, I'm fine." she said patting his hand. "Really, it's just a little bit of nerves. No big deal, I promise."

He nodded, accepting her answer and returning her smile with one of his own. The man hid a sigh when she turned back to the window. He was doing his the best he could to be patient and understanding, knowing there was no quick fix. He knew it was a long road that they were on, and he could only hope she let him walk it with her. True, they were getting closer, but there was never any guarantees. The car came to a stop, telling them they had arrived. Carly and Sonny looked around as if confused by the sudden halt in movement.

"We're here already?" Carly asked, realizing how the ride had flown by. Jason could only roll his eyes and restrain himself from mentioning that they would have noticed had they not been acting like two libido driven teenagers. Instead, he opened the door.

Sonny and Carly led the way into the popular club, still beaming from the ride over. The enforcer entered behind them with the blonde woman by his side. He sighed quietly and ran his hand through his hair as they stood briefly in the entrance. He wasn't a fan of crowds.

He was momentarily surprised when he felt her hand grab hold of his and Jason looked at her as she also observed the room. He figured that she probably felt worse about the amount of people than he did. Pushing his own discomfort aside, he gave her a reassuring squeeze before guiding her to their table.

Through the evening, Courtney could feel her worries fading away as she kept hold of Jason's hand under the table. She even found herself settling into a sense of comfort as she noticed that he was holding on to her as much as she was him. They talked about various things, but it was mainly the baby that stayed the topic of conversation. Carly joked about how overprotective Sonny would be if it was a girl. Jason was extremely glad to hear Courtney's laugh a few times. It was one of the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard.

Now they sat at the table without the married couple. A soft song had begun to play and the dark haired man immediately asked his wife for the dance. Jason watched the two as they lovingly held each other on the dance floor. His gaze then traveled over to her; she was watching them as well.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked. She turned to him, obviously surprised by the question.

"Oh, I don't-I don't know." she stammered.

"It's ok." he replied. "We don' t have to if you don't want to."

"No, it's not that." she began. "It's just…I don't think I'd be very good."

""Anybody's better than me." he said jokingly. When she smiled back at his statement, he got up from the table and extended his hand to her. "What do you say?"

Courtney found herself unable to turn him down. She recalled that Carly said he wasn't big on dancing, so it was clear to her that he was doing it for her. Smiling at the spark in his eyes when she took his hand, Courtney allowed him to lead her out to the floor.

At first, they were awkwardly attempting to get into a rhythm with the music. After a few minutes and a couple of crushed toes, they fell into a comfortable sway with the song. It was nothing special; just simple movements in each others arms. She couldn't help but be proud of their small accomplishment.

"This is nice." she said, looking up at him. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." he answered.

"I doubt that. Carly told me how you feel about this sort of thing."

"I'll always dance with you." he told her honestly.

She leaned her head against his chest, closing her eyes as she listened to his heartbeat. A sound she could fall asleep to if she hadn't been standing up.

On the same dance floor, Carly turned her head and smiled at the sight. They were dancing. Jason Morgan was dancing in public. She'd seen it before, but it was indeed a rare occasion that she wasn't sure they would see that night. Especially since she knew that his partner hadn't exactly been thrilled with the thought. In fact, she had been basically terrified by it. But now she saw how comfortable they both looked. Like dancing with each other was the most natural thing in the world; perfect.

:Look at them. She suggest happily to her husband, who did as she asked. "Isn't it beautiful."

"Yeah." he answered, looking at his sister and best friend. "What do you think? IT looks like things, you know, they're getting better."

"They sure are."


	50. To Live Without Dreams

**Ch. 50 To Live Without Dreams**

After the song ended, Carly and Sonny returned to the table. She didn't want to stop dancing, but her husband insisted that she not stay on her feet for too long. She laughing agreed, knowing that it was only the beginning. The next thing he'd do, and what she feared the most, was forbid her from any and all junk food. That was where she was going to have to get feisty and attempt to draw the line. However, now that they were sitting down, she had a better view of the couple that continued their dance as another song played.

"Keep staring you might actually see through them." the man said, catching her off guard.

"What?" she asked, looking at her husband. He chuckled at her and she felt herself melting as his dimples became visible yet again.

"Carly, you're watching them like your life depended on it." he joked.

"I'm sorry, but come on." she said to him. "It's beautiful. They're starting from the beginning all over again. And this time, you're not going to cause any trouble for them, right?"

"Yeah." he agreed, but the woman didn't like the tone in his voice when he said the word.

"Sonny," she said warningly. "You're not going to do anything, are you? Because I thought we've talked about how wrong you were to try and keep them apart."

"Believe me, I know I was wrong." he said, "But, you know, things happen."

"Yeah, they do. But we're a family, and we help each other through them."

"It's just, I don't think it's wise to get too invested in this…I don't know, this romance. Think about how difficult it was for them before, and now it's like a whole new ball game." he tried to explain.

"Right, and do you remember what it was that caused the most trouble for them?" she reminded.

"I'm not talking about me, Carly." he said, trying to stay calm and not get too into the disagreement. "Jason still works for me. People are still going to come after us through the people in our lives."

"It's ok to be worried." she told him, knowing he was already way past plain old worry when it came to enemies going after his family. His paranoia was only going to grow now that they had a baby on the way.

"You know you and the boys are the most important things in my life."

"Yes, I d- wait a minute." she said, hearing exactly what he'd said. "You said 'boys'. How do you know this one's a boy?"

"Oh, well, you know." he said, smile returning to his face.

"well, just to let you know, I think we've got another 'he' on our hands, too." she told him, happy the mood had shifted. "Besides, for you sanity, it better be a boy."

"Oh really?" he asked amused. "Why's that?"

"Because with a girl, you'd go crazy chasing off all her boyfriends."

"Oh no. See to have a boyfriend, I'd have to let her in the same room as a boy." he teased.

* * *

"You look amazing." he told her as they moved to the music.

"You told me that already." she answered with a glowing smile.

"It's true. You're beautiful."

"Well, you clean up nice yourself." she returned jokingly.

He chuckled and rested his chin on top of her head. He felt better than he had in months. Feeling her in his arms, smelling her hair; it all seemed too perfect. What scared him was waking up to the lonely, empty penthouse and have it all be just a dream. Jason wasn't usually the person that thought in what-ifs. But he found it harder not to when it came to Courtney. He was always wondering what he could've done differently any time he saw her in any sort of pain. But the thing she brought out of him the most was definitely the love. He knew what it meant to love unconditionally now, thanks to her.

Suddenly, Jason was ripped from his reverie. It all happened so fast, he wasn't sure it could even be counted in minutes. One second, they were peacefully dancing and feeling perfectly happy, the next he was pushing her to the floor, covering her body with his, and feeling deathly afraid for her. Courtney's hands balled into fists, the fabric on the front of his shirt tightly clutched within them. He felt her grip continuously tightening as the roar of the gunfire continued for a few more moments.

When he no longer heard the bullets, he could hear Sonny shouting orders to find out who it was. Jason raised his head to look at Courtney.

"Are you alright?" he asked, praying she was.

She didn't respond to his question and for a moment he was afraid that she'd been hit. He made a move to get up and check her out, but when he tried to life himself up he found himself being pulled back toward the floor. He quickly discovered it was her vice grip on his shirt that kept him anchored to her body. He could see the paleness in her knuckles from holding so tight. From that, her shallow breaths, and the far off look in her eyes, he knew she wasn't hurt physically.

"Courtney." he began, trying to get her to focus on him. He knew she was in shock about what had happened. Jason ran the back of his hand softly over her cheek. "Courtney, look at me."

He glanced over towards their table where he saw Sonny and Carly getting up from the floor. Jason knew the man had done the same thing as him by shielding the woman he loved with himself. The difference was that sadly, Carly was used to the type of situation. It was all new for Courtney. Again he tried to get up, but she gripped his shirt tighter and tried to pull him closer.

"Don't" he heard her say in a soft, shaking voice. He couldn't explain how glad he was to hear her speak.

"It's ok. It's over, alright? It's over." he said trying to calm her down. "We're going to stand up now, ok?"

His hands traveled down, until they were over hers. He let them linger there for a few seconds before hers let go of the cloth and latched onto them just as tight. Once he lifted them to their feet, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed against his body, burying her face in his chest. He kissed the top of her head, trying to tell her he was there and she was ok.

"Is anybody hurt?" he heard Carly ask the room. "Everybody ok?"

Jason waved her over and she quickly approached the two. He winced slightly, feeling Courtney's nails against his back as she tried to pull herself closer.

"God, are you guys alright?" Carly asked, coming upon them.

"Physically." he answered, running his hand up and down the back of the woman in his arms, before turning to Carly. "You're going home."

"I know. Sonny's ordering Max take me and Courtney home as we speak."

"Will you do me a favor? Will you just stay with her until I get there?" he asked.

"You know I will." she replied.

""Courtney, Carly's going to take you home, ok?" he asked. She shook her head against him.

"I don't want to be alone." she whispered into him.

"It's ok. She'll take you home and stay with you until I can get there."

"Ho-how long?" she asked.

"I'll be there as soon as possible. I promise." he swore to her. "Will you be ok?"

She nodded and slowly released her hold on him, wrapping her arms around herself instead. Carly put her arm on the woman's shoulders and guided her to the exit of the club, all the while trying to soothe her with words of comfort.

"It's ok. Sonny and Jason will take care of it." she said, to her. "Do you want anything?"

"Just take me home, please." she said in a voice that sounded completely broken.

"Of course." she answered, rubbing her back for assurance. "Let's go."


	51. Be No Rest

**Ch. 51 Be No Rest**

She sat on the couch, now changed into a pair of sweat pants and a loose fitting shirt. She sat in the silence of the empty room. Carly Went across the hall to change as well, promising to be back in two minutes at the most. Courtney didn't pay her much attention, only nodded to her statement so she would do what she had to do without thinking she was abandoning her or something.

She didn't want a babysitter, but she didn't really want to be alone either. Alone all she had were her thoughts. Thoughts and questions. Questions she couldn't answer; thoughts she didn't want to have. The door opened and Carly reentered the apartment.

"That's better." she said with a smile, meaning the clothes she now wore. "You know, dresses and heels are fun, but give me a good pair of jeans and I'm just as happy."

The woman took a seat on the other side of the furniture. Without looking her way, Courtney knew she was being watched. She could feel the woman's eyes on her. She hoped if she ignored her, she would stop. But after a few minutes, it seemed it wasn't going to happen.

"I'm fine." Courtney said, not looking at her.

"I never said you weren't."

"Then can you stop looking at me like I'm the saddest thing you've ever seen?" she asked, turning to look at her.

Carly apologized and looked away from her as she requested. The silence in the room was heavy to her. But the woman didn't want to upset her friend. When she heard the woman give a small sigh, she felt she couldn't stay quiet much longer. She opened her mouth to speak, but quickly closed it deciding not to. Then just as quick she turned back to her to speak.

"You don't have to pretend, you know." Carly said. "About being ok."

"Who says I'm pretending?"

"Sweetie, I've been there. Every time Sonny has to go work I do what you're doing. I pretend I'm fine with it, but what I really want to do is grab him and beg him to stay with me and stay safe. But I know it would only make it that much harder for everyone. So I just smile, kiss him goodbye and tell him I love him." she explained to her.

Carly watched her as she listened to the words. She saw the question come across her face briefly. What did the guys do that caused her to worry so much? It was a good question. One that deserved an answer. She just didn't think it was her place to tell her something so big. Even so, that wasn't what they were talking about right now.

"You don't always have to be strong." she said, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch, looking straight into the blue eyes. For a moment, if it was even long enough to be called a moment, the shield dropped. Then it was back. It happened so fast. If she'd blinked she would have missed it. But Carly saw.

Saw the emotion in her troubled eyes. Fear. Pain. Confusion. Frustration; all of it swirled about underneath the guard of her orbs. Suddenly, as if she knew she'd been seen by the woman, Courtney got up from the couch and walked away from her. Her arms instinctively wrapped around herself as she stepped. her sister-in-law saw the action and immediately recognized it. She'd seen her do it before and knew it meant she was closing off; retreating inside herself.

"Courtney," she started following her. "don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Shut yourself off from your feelings; the people that care about you." she replied, but the woman shrugged her statement off and continued her trek.

Carly reached out and caught her by the forearm, turning her back around. She then put her hands up in surrender when the woman pulled her arm away. Her feet took her back a few steps, putting some space between them. The last thing she wanted to do was make her feel trapped.

"Sorry," she apologized to her. "I'm sorry. It's just- I don't want to see you run away. Because once you start, you'll just keep running until one day there's nowhere left to go. And that's when everything you've tried to get away from catches up with you all at once. So please just-"

"Just what, Carly? Stop?" she asked her, letting out a dry laugh. "You have to be going somewhere before you can stop."

Her response caught the woman off guard. It was obvious on her face that she was surprised. Like Courtney was just expected to listen and nod; not have anything to say for herself. And why wouldn't they expect that?

"I can't stop, because I'm not going anywhere. I haven't moved. I haven't gone forward, and i can't even look back." she explained.

"Of course you've moved forward." Carly claimed. "You've come a long way."

"Why do you think that, huh? Because I can answer to my name? Or maybe because I'm not curled up in the corner? Is that the great progress I've made?" she asked sarcastically.

"I-"

The door opened interrupting Carly before she could really start. The women turned see the blue eyed man entering the room. He looked briefly between the two most important women in his life and could tell something was up. He decided that it had something to do with what happened earlier that night. He would admit it had him on alert. Jason didn't know what he'd have done if the shooter had actually tried to hit someone. He might not have anyone to come home to. The thought alone was too much for him. Fortunately, that wasn't the case and no one was hurt.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing we can't talk about tomorrow." Carly excused, looking at the woman for a moment. "It's been a long day, I'm ready for bed."

"Sonny's at home." he informed her.

"Great. See you tomorrow." she said to them and made her exit.

"Are you ok?" he asked, putting his hand on her cheek.

"I'll be fine." she replied. "Actually I'm tired, too."

"Alright, we'll go up to bed." he offered, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"We?" she repeated, her ears perking up at the word. "As in us sleeping in the same bed?"

"Only if you want." he said, hoping she would be ok with it. Maybe he shouldn't have just assumed they would. But then again, how could he not after what happened between them.

"That sounds nice." she answered.

"Ok." he said, grinning.

They went upstairs to the master bedroom where Jason quickly changed and climbed into bed with the blonde. The man gently wrapped his arm around her as she lay facing away from him. Putting his face closer to her, he felt himself relax as he inhaled her sweet scent.

"Courtney?" he whispered softly.

"Yeah?" she whispered back, still facing away.

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked, lifting his head.

"I told you, I'm fine." she answered, placing her hand over his.

"Really?"

She laid in the dark silence of the room for a moment, considering her answer. She didn't want to lie. But at the same time she didn't want him to have to fuss all over her.

"I just need you to hold me." she said honestly.

The man threatened his hold and put a kiss on her shoulder before laying his head back down. She felt herself relax under his touch. But as nice as it was to have him holding her so warmly, what she really wanted him to do was take it away. But he couldn't. The anger The questions. Most of all at the moment, the nightmares. Even when she didn't recall her dreams, she could always tell when she woke up that they hadn't been good ones. There hadn't been a night yet that she'd peacefully slept through.

She took a deep breath and dug her head deeper into the soft pillow. The relaxation spread through her body and she knew she was dangerously close to falling asleep. Courtney closed her eyes and, with her last waking thought, prayed for a dreamless slumber.


	52. When They're Talkin To You

_"It takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has. But it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all." Dashboard Confessional "Carve Your Heart Out Yourself"_

_

* * *

_

**Ch. 51 When They're Talkin To You**

She couldn't get out. The door was locked. She'd tried the handle; it was definitely locked. She was stuck. Trapped in the room. The only form of light was the stream that crept in through a small window on the locked door. Other than that, she was completely surrounded by dark. It was the darkest black she'd ever seen.

She pressed herself against the barrier and looked out the glass. People. She could see various people just outside the confinement. They didn't see her. She slapped her hand against the door, hoping someone would hear. Nothing. The began to walk by without so much as a glance in her direction. She hit the door again, this time with a closed fist. And again, no one seemed to care.

Anger, fear, panic, all began to establish within her. She began to pound harder on the door, desperate to get out. It was like the harder she tried to get their attention, the quicker they went by. Pretty soon, she could barely call them people; just a blurred mess passing by. It was like the entire world was running by at an impossibly fast speed.

Her emotions swelled to the point of erupting. She wanted out. She needed out.

She pulled herself back and kicked, she rammed her shoulder against it, doing everything she could think of to try and get through.

Pounding and fighting the prison, the woman began to call out. Screaming and shouting at the top of her lungs. She cursed God and the devil, heaven and hell, everything on Earth to nothing at all. Whatever was responsible.

She could feel her hands going numb from the repeated attacks on the door. Every time she made contact with the thick wood, the sound echoed at an unrealistic volume. The thunderous sound hit her ears and made her scream louder. So much noise. All she wanted was out.

Then it went silent. In a flash, there was no more sound.

She felt herself screaming, but heard no noise. She continued the one sided beating, but still heard nothing.

She stopped, feeling the angry tears begin to fall, and grabbed fistfuls of her hair in frustration. As she did, she heard a voice cut through the silence.

Courtney woke with a gasp, finding herself in the bright bedroom. She sat up in the bed, and knew immediately that she was alone. She didn't have to look to know that Jason was not there. Last night she'd hoped that maybe sleeping together; sleeping in his arms, might help. If nothing else, at least he would be there when she woke up.

She fell back down against the bed and covered her head with the pillow. Smashing it against her face, she groaned angrily into it. Against her hopes and prayers, it happened. Again she'd woken up from her sleep covered in sweat and breathing as if she'd been running for miles. Another restless night to add to her growing collection. It was more than enough to make her scream. She didn't think she was asking for too much, hardly anything. It wasn't like she demanding a perfect dream full of fairy tales and happy endings. She would be just as happy with no dreams at all. If she could just close her eyes at night and then open them in the morning. Nothing in between. If only.

She threw off the covers and pulled herself out of the bed. She changed and went downstairs, wanting something to take her mind off the torture her slumber continuously bestowed on her. Once there, she found a note sitting on the desk.

_Courtney,_

_Had to work. Back soon._

_- Jason_

She observed the piece of paper momentarily, accepting it's message. He had to work; of course he had to work. She couldn't expect him to stay at home all the time. He'd done enough of that already. Thinking about that made her wonder just how much work he'd missed already so he could be there. She hated to be a burden on his life. But on the other hand, the way Carly talked about it told her his job was dangerous. So maybe it was better for him to miss it.

She shook her head a the thoughts, it was his job. He could do it if he wanted to. It certainly wasn't her place to try and take that from him.. Besides, it wasn't a horrible change to not have him constantly worrying about her. It could be good for her to have some time to herself. But then again, being alone meant-

"Damn it." she said aloud. She couldn't even decide how she felt about the simple situation of being home while he worked.

She had to do something. Sitting alone, stewing in the frustrating tangles of her mind. There had to be something that she could do. What had she done before while he worked? Did she have a job? Even if she had, she doubted that they would be willing to give it back to her, or that she could even still do it. She sighed and looked around the place, for something she might be able to do. The place was simple, nothing much to it. She like that generally, but it didn't provide her with any ideas of how to spend her time. Her eyes stopped as they fell onto the table that stood out in the room.

Using her hands, she pushed herself off the couch and walked over to it. She took in the shining wood frame and let her hand run along the green felt that covered it. The fifteen balls lay at one end in the triangular pattern with the isolated cue ball directly across the table from them. She remembered waking up one morning, hearing the balls clack together from the stairs and seeing Jason bent over the table, stick in hand. She'd watched in silence, noting how he concentrated on the activity and admiring his features as he controlled the game. But of course, he stopped immediately once he noticed she was there.

She heard the door open and turned around at the now familiar sound of his boots against the floor. He walked through the living room and stopped once he caught sight of her.

"You're up." he said to her.

"Yeah, for a little while now." she replied with a small smile.

He stepped closer to her and she welcomed the small amount of contact that came from him gently running his hand up and down her arm. She noticed he was watching his action with a deep contemplation. There was something he was thinking about, and it probably had to do with her. His eyes finally traveled back up to hers and she felt she was about to find out whatever it was that was on his mind. His hand stopped moving and just settled against her skin as he spoke to her.

"You had a nightmare last night?" he said, a mixture of a statement and a question. She only nodded to answer him, knowing there was probably more than just that. "How bad?"

"It, you know, it left it's mark." she said, looking down to the floor.

"You want to tell me about it?"

"It's just a dream, nothing to read in to." she dismissed. "Besides, I barely remember it anyway."

Jason nodded his head, though he knew she wasn't being completely honest with him. She was as horrible a liar as ever. He didn't push it, deciding she could tell him when she was ready. His eyes looked past her to the table and got an idea. He walked over to his favorite piece of furniture, and leaned against it looking at her.

"You up for it?" he asked, causing her to look at him quizzically.

"For what?" he nodded his head to the pool table, answering her question. "Really."

"Sure." he said with a smile. "Come on, it'll be fun."

"Ok." she said. Watching him as he positioned himself and made the break. She took the wooden stick as he held it out for her. She laughed lightly, as she did so. "You're gonna have to teach me."

"That's the fun part." he replied, teasingly before waving her over. "Come here."

The woman closed the space between them as he asked. He put her back against his chest and ran his hands down her arms until they covered hers. She could feel his heart beating against her as they stood touching. His body guided hers into the same stance he'd been in previously. They stood fitting into one another like two pieces of the same puzzle.

As his hands lay over hers, instructing and directing, Courtney wondered if he felt the electricity that she did. Having his body pressed closely against hers, she was barely able to focus on the task. With his hands resting atop hers, the cue was pulled back and struck the ball. The plain, white ball traveled forward, knocking a few of the others around.

"That wasn't bad." she stated, looking at her work.

"Perfect." he said softly.

Courtney turned to see his deep blue eyes fixed on her. She couldn't help but stare back into them. As she did, she suddenly felt her senses heighten. Feeling his body against hers, indulging in his scent; every touch and feeling she had was coming at her more powerful than before.

The minimal space between them became nonexistent once their lips met. The feel of his soft pillows was more powerful than anything she could have ever imagined. The sound of the pool cue hitting the ground went unnoticed by either as Jason dropped the forgotten accessory. With both his hands now free, they went quickly to her hips. Her breath caught in her chest as he lifted her onto the table.

Then his lips were on hers again. She was feeling herself become increasingly lost in him. Soon, he was on the table as well, hovering over her. His chest barely touched hers, teasing her body with promises of contact. Her hands slid under his shirt, savoring the feel of his sculpted body. It was when she attempted to take it off that he pulled back.

"We can't." he whispered breathlessly.

"Yes, we can." she said, placing another kiss on his lips.

"No," he said, reluctantly pulling away from her. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"What?" she asked, sitting up on the felt. "Why not?"

He ran his hand through his hair once he stood on the floor again.

"I have to work." he said regretfully.

"But you just came back."

"I know, I know. I came to check on you; see how you were doing after last night." he explained.

"Oh." she replied, getting down as well. "I'm fine. Nothing to worry about, I was just a little shaken up by it. So you can go do whatever you have to do."

"I'm sorry." he apologized again, knowing he'd upset her.

"Don't worry about it, there's nothing to be sorry for." she told him, clearing her through before continuing. "You should get back to work, I don't want to keep you."

Jason sighed at her words. He wished he could've continued what they'd been doing. But he had already missed a lot of work since everything happened. The man had to stretch it to take the time to come home to see her. What he should have anticipated was losing himself in her, and because he did he was upsetting her now.

"I'll be back as soon as possible." he promised, to which she nodded.

His heart felt unbearably heavy within his chest. He didn't want to leave, but there were things that needed to be done and unfortunately for the moment, he was the best person to do them. While he made her that promise, he promised himself that he would make it up for both of them. That being all he could do, Jason left.

The door closed and he was gone back to do whatever it was that they felt necessary to keep from her. And she was alone again. But this time felt different; worse. Because, only minutes ago, she was at the top of the world on a simple pool table. Then it ended and she'd returned to the bottom rung. Maybe it wasn't the fact that he'd left that got to her. Maybe it was the reason he came in the first place.

To check on her. To make sure she was ok.

Why wouldn't he need to check on her? Someone had to, right? Somebody had to check in on the helpless invalid. She certainly couldn't take care of herself.

She hated the negative thoughts that sped freely through her head. But as much as she hated them, she had to ask if they were truthful. Maybe they did think she was helpless; that she couldn't be trusted to be on her own for more than five seconds. Everything would be so much easier if she had something to go on, something to start building her life from.

If she had that, just one brief flicker of who she used to be, maybe she could work to become that person again. All it took was just the right thing to trigger, and she might get to see and feel at least part of who Courtney Matthews was. Even if it hurt. God, did it hurt. However, she would go through that voluntarily if it meant she could feel, at least partly normal; partly human. She'd dealt with the skull splitting pain on two agonizing occasions and all she gained from it was a glimpse of Jason driving in a storm, and some sort of attack in the park. Nothing that seemed helpful at all. Even if they were truly memories.

She recalled over hearing the doctor speaking to everyone in the hall that day. The day that she woke up to strangers and a life she didn't know. She heard the female doctor tell the group her many faults.

_Flashback_

"_Is there a chance she'll remember?" the woman asked the million dollar question._

"_The mind is a complex thing. There's a chance she can remember, but there's an even greater chance that her subconscious will simply make up memories as a way to explain things or feel whole." he answered. "But you should prepare yourself for the very real possibility that this is permanent."_

"_So you're basically saying is-" Carly began but was cut off by the blue eyed man who had remained silent until that point._

"_Brain damage."_

_End_

Courtney shook her head angrily at the memory. Brain damage. That's what they said. That any memories she had would probably just be made up. A pathetic creation by her inadequate mind. She couldn't even trust herself.

"_Brain damage."_

Unable to control the rage she felt flowing through her veins, the blonde gripped one of the heavy balls off the table. With a scream of fury, Courtney whirled around and launched it viciously at no specific target. She turned back around, placing her hands on the edge of the table and leaned against it. Letting her head hang, she tried to calm herself down. Her breaths were coming out heavy and she found her knuckles turning sheet white from the force she held on the table.

"Did I miss something?"


	53. It Used To Be A Playground

**Ch. 53 It Used To Be A Playground**

He opened the door just in time to see the heavy ball smash ferociously into the wall just inches from his face. The event caught him off guard and caused him to jump slightly in place. He took a step farther into the room and gave a quick look at the damage. The hurled object left a circular dent with a number of cracks within it on the wall. He turned to see what had caused it when he saw the woman leaning against Jason's treasure billiard table.

"Did I miss something?" he asked, getting her attention.

She spun around at his voice and attempted to shove away the emotions coursing through her veins. Courtney ran her hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear.

"Hey." she said to him as he walked closer, hoping he hadn't been there too long. "What's going on?"

"Well, it looks to me like…" he began turning briefly to the damaged wall then back to her. "…like I should be asked you that question."

The dark haired man rubbed his chin as he looked down to the color. He wasn't sure what he'd come over for, but now he was sort of glad that he had. She was alone and obviously in need of someone. Whether or not he could be the someone to help, he knew he had to try.

"What happened?" he asked, lifting his gaze to her once more.

"That?" she asked, gesturing past him. "It was an accident. I, uh, I picked up the ball and I thought I saw a spider on it, so I freak and tossed it."

Sonny cleared his throat and shifted his weight on his legs. He bit back the reflexive response he normally had when someone attempted to lie to his face. He refused to let his short fuse get in the way of whatever progress they might be able to make. Taking in the story, he kept from getting aggravated by reminding himself that she had no reason to trust him.

"Can you do me a favor?" he began, putting his hands on the hips of his pants. "Can you, Can you not lie to me?"

The woman sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She looked curiously at the man before her; the man that was supposed to be her brother. He obviously didn't buy the lie, so she decided to change the subject.

"What did you come here for?" she asked him.

"Honestly? I'm not sure." he admitted to her, taking a seat on the couch. He saw the doubtful look on her face as she sat down as well. "Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing here or what I expected."

"You sure it's not to check up on me?" she quizzed bitterly.

He shook his head being honest. The man hadn't come over with that in mind, he'd just shown up at the door. It was clear she didn't like the idea of people checking on her.

"So, uh, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked folding his hands in his lap. After they were said, he heard his words and let out a dry chuckle. "Sorry, that's a stupid question."

The apartment fell into silence as the two sat. The man turned his head back towards the entrance and observed once again the mark left on the plaster. It was no innocent toss that had left it there. It had to have been thrown with extreme force to have had such an impact. After a few moments of awkward silence, he turned to her and spoke again.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked, getting a small nod from her. "Do you…are you alright?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, looking at her lap.

"Well, what I mean is…like, do you feel pressured or anything, you know, by us?"

"Pressured?" she repeated. "To remember, you mean?"

"Yeah."

She sighed and pulled herself up from the cushions. Wrapping her arms around herself, she walked over to the window. Standing before it, Courtney admired the view from the penthouse. Sonny rose as well and walked towards her. He stopped a few feet behind her to observe what she was doing, before continuing forward. Soon he was standing beside her, looking out the same window.

"I, uh, I do this." he said quietly, not taking his eyes away from the glass. "Just stare out the window, take in the view. When I've got too much going on or I feel like my head's going to explode, it calms me down; helps me think. I can always look out and just forget."

He stood in silence, wondering if anything would be said in return. Their relationship hadn't been the greatest before, but they'd started to get closer. They'd even been able to spend continuous amounts of time together without any voices raised or doors slammed. Now here they were again. He couldn't even call it square one, he didn't even know if they could see square one from where they were.

"It's beautiful." she said, causing him to turn and look at her. "The view; it's really beautiful."

"Yeah, it is." he nodded.

"When I first got here, after-after the hospital, I went out on the balcony. I was looking at all the buildings and places down there, wondering which ones I've been to or which ones meant anything to me." she explained to him, feeling his eyes on her though she kept hers ahead. "I tried to put names to places, but I couldn't. The more I tried, the more useless and angry I felt. And for a split second I wondered about just letting go, you know? I was right there; all these floors from the cement ground, not knowing who I was or if there was even anything to live for. But then I saw it; just past those buildings."

She lifted her hand and pointed at the glass to what she spoke of. Sonny looked in the specific direction to see what she meant.

"The water?" he asked, eyes catching it in the distance.

"Yeah." she said. "Just looking at the little bit I can see from here, I don't know. I like it; it helps me to try and think."

"That's good," he began, a thought popping into his head. "but you can't see it very well from here. Too many buildings in the way."

"I know." she said, finally turning away from the glass. "But something's better than nothing, right?"

Her brother nodded at her statement, realizing that they had something in common. Maybe even something they could use as headway into some sort of relationship. Either way, he was glad she was speaking to him about some of her feelings.

"You know my penthouse is across the hall and it, uh, it has a view of the entire harbor." he informed her, graciously. "The docks, the boats, everything."

"Yeah?" she asked amused.

"Oh yeah. The view was the whole reason I bought the place." he said with a smile. "You can, you know, you can come over to see it anytime."

"No, you don't have to say that." she told him with a thankful smile as she sat down.

"I mean it." he replied. "You know, if it makes you feel better even the tiniest bit, go for it. I want to help you, so if you're ever feeling overwhelmed or you just want to think, you know, just come over. "

"Yeah, but you've got a family over there, a growing one at that." she said.

"You are family, Courtney." she stated. "I mean you used to-"

The man halted himself as he heard the words in his head coming out of his mouth. He looked at his sister and hated himself for his slip of the tongue. He watched as the realization of his statement came over her face and her eyes hardened in front of him.

"Yeah, I used to do a lot of things, right?" she replied.

"I'm sorry." he began.

"Don't be. You can't help it, right? It's true." she said to dismiss his apology.

"Courtney-"

"Don't, Sonny." she said, standing up. "I'm not the person I used to be; everyone knows and pretending won't change that. So don't apologize or feel sorry for me because you were remembering something."

The man stood up and put his hand on her shoulder, slightly surprised that she let it stay there. He looked in her eyes; the place that used to give away her emotions was now unreadable. He couldn't see her like he used to.

"Courtney, we care about you and we want to help. It's just that we don't know how. You know, if we talk about what you were like before this happened, you might feel pressured to be who we remember. But if we ignore it completely, you might think we're trying to pretend everything's perfect when it's obviously not." he spoke, hoping everything was coming out as it sounded when he heard it in his mind. "I want you to know that we're here and you can come to us for anything. You can trust us."

"You want me to trust you, Sonny?" she asked. "But I can't. I can't trust you. I can't trust anyone or anything, least of all me."

"I know we haven't really spent time together since everything, but I want you to know-"

"No we haven't. In fact it's almost like you've purposely been avoiding it." she accused. "Hey I don't blame you. Why would you want to go through the constant pain of seeing a stranger wearing your sister's face?"

Sonny winced at her words, knowing their was a hint of truth to her accusations. He hadn't been the best support system. He took a deep breath and decided to explain himself to her.

"You're right." he confessed, catching her off guard. "I have kind of been avoiding you."

"At least you're honest. It's ok, you can go back to your life." she replied.

"Are you going to let me explain?" he asked, sitting her down before lowering himself next to her. She silently made the observation that, besides Jason, she usually put a fair amount of space between her and whoever was with her. The man cleared his throat before he spoke. "I, um, you remember, I was there when you-when you woke up, right? And I told you I was going to tell everyone you were up and you said-"

"Yeah, I remember." she said, hating that she did have the ability to relive the awful moment.

"Right." he said with a nod. "Anyway, when I asked you to look at me and if you knew me, I looked in your eyes and I saw fear. I hated it. You know, my sister was in front of me and I was scaring her. It freaked me out and it's real hard to shake that away."

She listened to his words and realized that he had good reason to want to keep from her. What she didn't say was that their first meeting in that hospital had left a mark on her as well. Fear. Shock. Disappointment. It was staring back at her when she looked into his dark eyes and didn't know him.

His phone rang and Sonny apologized to her before answering. She didn't pay attention to his apology or his side of the conversation. Courtney found herself thinking back to the day she wished she could forget.

"Courtney." she heard him say in a tone that sounded like he'd said it a few times.

"What?" she said in reply.

"I have to take care of something. You ok?" he asked, not wanting to leave the conversation.

"No different than I was before you came."

After he left, Courtney looked around the living room. Why did Sonny have to remind her? Why did he have to take her back to it? The hospital. The hospital room. She was starting feel crowded. Was the room getting smaller? She had to get out; she needed air.

With no destination in mind, Courtney opened the door and left.


End file.
